What would you do....
By lizabeth
@lizabeth (666)
United States
November 23, 2007 5:19pm CST
How do you deal with impossible in-laws? Just to give you a little background on it... my husbands dad has never been a part of his life when he was little. We moved to the state he now lives in about 6 yrs. ago. They got together and we tried having a relationship with them. It lasted a while until something happened and he and his wife refused to talk to us for at least 3 yrs. His stepsister got married and we attended the wedding which his dad and his wife also was there. Well they came to us and told us life is to short to stay mad. So my husband and I decide to give it another try. Everything was fine until about 3 weeks ago. They recently bought a new mobile home a good distance from us. I think they got mad at us because we haven't gotten a chance to go see it. So here we are again not talking. For the past 3 yrs. we have been going to there house on Thanksgiving and Christmas. This year we haven't spoken to them. Should I feel guilty? Should I call and try and smooth things over? I don't really know what to do. My husband has the attitude of leave them be. His dad was never a part of his life when he was little so I guess he doesn't feel he's missing out on anything. Not only that it always has to be there way or no way. I am kinda tired of trying to cater to them always. How would you deal with this situation if it was your family? Would you apologize for something you don't feel is necessarily your fault just to keep the peace? Or would you just say forget it?
1 person likes this
4 responses
@noelle1356 (9)
• United States
24 Nov 07
I totally understand where you are coming from. My in-laws are the worst people in the world too. My in-laws are rude and I think they try to be a@# holes on purpose. They think they are better than my husband and I and think its ok to belittle us when we come around. When ever I finally grow tired of their crap and blow up, they will do something to sabbatoge me, like call human resources and lie about me, or try and call dcfs and all kinds of stupid things. They never leave their house and are very un-educated. Jerry Springer suspects or what???? lol. Anyway, I am currently not talking to my sister- in law or her husband, and could care less if I ever did again. My husband still goes there to see his sister, and Im alright with that, Just dont ask me to go. If your husband wants to let it go, let him. Its his family so you should go with what he wants. Family ties are strange. Besides you dont need the stress.
1 person likes this
@lizabeth (666)
• United States
24 Nov 07
I feel for you and understand. Its very aggravating having to deal with people like that even if they are family. I guess the thing that aggravates me the most is my father-in-law has never been part of my husbands life until the last maybe 4 yrs. He lets his wife decide everything for them. If she gets mad at us then its over. He goes along with her over his son. I guess it shouldn't surprise me since he walked out of his life when he was 4 and never came back. I just would have thought he would have tried harder to make the relationship work. His lost, a son and 4 grandchildren.
@RobinJ (2501)
• Canada
24 Nov 07
this is a real sticky situation, but i would do one thing and that is tell them how you feel about the whole situation, that they are unwilling or unable to talk to you if they believe you have done something wrong, and I would say something like we are adults and are reasonable, not children that must be taught a lesson. If they can find it in their heart to understand you have a chance but I have the feeling you had better have alternate plans for the holidays, maybe start you own family tradition and stay at home and invite who ever you want to spend time with family or not.
1 person likes this
@lizabeth (666)
• United States
24 Nov 07
Thanks for your advice. I'm just worried that if I try and call them its going to be some kind of big blowup. My mother-in-law is not a reasonable person to deal with. I always bend over backwards to try and make them happy. She is never willing to give an inch. So I don't know.
We had a very nice thanksgiving here at home. It doesn't even matter to me really if we go there for the holidays, I just hate people being mad at me. And I really don't feel they have a good reason to be mad.
@boyfriend2k4 (398)
• Australia
23 Nov 07
Well i would say just give them a call & talk about normal things & dont mention about the house. But after/if you get a good response, just say a slight sorry about not coming to there house. Do not feel guilty. I would say only two things then its upto you how you feel. If a sorry would make everything alright & make them feel better, then just apologize, its not a big deal. But if they think they are better than you guys & suprior then they dont deserve to even see you guys. Sometimes some relations & relatives are better kept at a distance
