I'm going to pull my freaking hair out!!!

Wow, your plates full! I can identify with your situation! When I divorced the first time, it was horrible. Every time my daughter would go visit her dad and his girlfriend it would take weeks to get her back to normal. She cut her clothes up, she yelled at me, she acted out, cried and by the time I got her back on track, he was wanting to visit again. So, it was an endless cycle. My husband pulled that whole not visiting for months at a time and then reappearing like a bad rash. He also threatened to take my daughter away from me if I moved, so I moved. I told him he had a chance of a snowball in hell not paying child support and expecting to get custody. If I were you, if he left messages on your phone and your boyfriends phone,I would file a restraining order and have the judge notified that he is acting unstable, making threats. Keep a documented log of every phone call he makes to you and your boyfriend, that way you have something to show the judge. This can put a big dent in his case for the divorce and visitation with the kids. As for him talking about you in front of the kids, you can't control that, but you can control the damage control in your house. Counsel the kids before they go over there that if daddy says anything about mommy, that it isn't right that he is doing it and to not listen to him about those ugly words because he is hurting inside and he is saying those things because he is mad. Also, sit them down when they get home and ask them if there is anything bothering them about their visit that they would like to talk about. It will help that they know they can come to you and talk to you. If they don't have anything to say just let it go. Don't pressure them to talk. Your kids as they get older will be able to distinguish their own opinion of their father. Give it time. Just hold your head up and walk the high road, in the end it will be him that pays not you. Most of all have patience with your kids. This is a difficult situation for you all. It might take counseling to help them figure out ways to adapt themselves to this and finding ways to cope.

well if i were in your situation, i would stop visitations. because like you said it is effecting your kids as well as you. they might be sad i know its hard to not see your daddy but i think in the long hall it will be best for them, because u have to remember. they do as they see they learn from what they see.. so its not a good situation..mabey stop them from seeing him but let them talk on the phone..and when they do i would screen the calls and tell him, if u say one wrong thing.. you will end the converstion.. if he loves them and wants to talk to them he will do what is neccesary... i hope this helps just a little im sure it is a veary hard situation:(.. goodluck hun anytime u wanna vent im always here:) im a good listner

First, I want to say how sorry I am that you have to deal with such a selfish pr*ck. Now, my sister and her ex had a full on war between him, her and his new wife. It was absolutely horrid. She went back to the judge and they were all sent to counseling and visitations were monitored for a while. He has since divorced the second wife, so that has helped a lot. Unfortunately, until you have a chance to set it all up, you are going to have to stop his visits. I know it will hurt the kids, but when they are older, they will understand that it was in their best interests. With threatening your boyfriend, he needs to go to the police next time it happens. WHY? To start a paper trail. If you have documentation of him making threats, etc. the better chances you have in court getting anything done. It is unhealthy for your children and seeing what he is doing and capable of, I know I wouldn't want my kids around him either. I wish you all the best and strongly urge you to go at least speak to an attorney regarding the counseling.

I am soooo happy that all of that is behind me and my kids are all adults now. BUT...now I'm watching my daughter go through this hell and it's been a nightmare. It eventually ended up in her ex getting custody of my grandson because he got so out of hand and started acting just like his father and abusing her and my granddaughter. It came to a head when he pushed my daughter and she hit her head on the radiator in the living room and got a concussion. Break ups involving kids seem to be getting out of hand these days and your right adults need to start acting more like adults and when a relationship is over they have to deal with it in an adult manner.

Ah. I'm so sorry. Its so hard for kids, they don't understand. Give them encouragement to talk and vent. Who knows what he has been saying to them but it sounds to me like they are acting out in reaction to something he has said or done. Since the judge did not order him visitation, if he wants to visit, make him go find an attorney and so on. In the meantime, get some more from your attorney on what he is and isn't allowed to do visit etc. Do not allow him to destroy them this way. Its a ploy and a game to him, if he can't have you he will make you miserable. Do not let him win. He sounds like a miserable louse that needs to be taken down a few notches and forced to face reality. Stop the visits unless a judge orders them.

If the judge hasn't put through any kind of visitation order at all, then I would say you are definately within your rights to stop visitation until the harassment stops. If he has a problem with it, it is up to HIM to take it to the judge, whereupon you can make it clear what problems the visitation has caused for your children, yourself, and your s/o. If he is harassing you, and you are frightened of what he might do to you or your s/o, then you are probably within your rights to get a restraining order against him as well. All this is dependent upon the fact that there is no visitation order. If there is no visitation order, is there a child support order? I'm asking because usually a divorce with kids is set up with a visitation order in place from day one. It's very unusual for there to be no visitation order, or child support order. I know that you are attempting to do what is best for your children, but sometimes the things we have to do to protect them are upsetting to them...you wouldn't let your six-year-old run across the street would you? No. So why would you let him see a father who is causing him to have problems in school? I do not know for sure where you are, but here in Tennessee, you cannot get a divorce without taking parenting classes and setting up a parenting plan. My best advice is to stop the visitation, but you can also talk to the counselor at school, inform him/her what is going on, and have them document the problems that he is having at school. This will come in handy if you do have to explain withdrawing visitation at some future date. Good luck with it all, and protect your children above all!

My sister has gone through a similar situation and one thing that seemed to help her alot is to have a mediator to deal with issues between the two of you. For example, this trusted person, that you both agree on, will be the go-between when dropping off and picking up the kids, and other things that really don't need the two of you to have contact. If there is something that needs to be addressed with conversation, there should always be a third party present so that it will be less likely to get out of hand. I know, this sounds a bit much, but sometimes, you have an ex that makes it his life goal to torment you. Eventually, the both of you should be able to discuss things more rationally. The kids will appreciate this two. It affects them tremendously, they don't want to see either parent hurt. :(