advice: met someone online and she wants me to meet her at her job?
By cliffcliff
@cliffcliff (1350)
United States
November 25, 2007 12:09pm CST
Hi just curious about something. I advertised on the internet that I wanted to meet a nice female friend in my area, for female friendship first and maybe possible relationship later. Then, I was fortunate to meet a lady online for now. We have been comunicating via email since a week. She said she is a nice latina lady and she said yesterday for me to go downtown san francisco, meet and see her at her beauty shop where she works.
Well actually, I didn't agree with this. It's because I am too embarassed to meet her first time, in front of all her co-workers. Just think about all these people I do not know, will be looking at me and wondering who I am, what i say and look like. She may be comfortable, but not me. It seems awkward to me to meet at a job. We do not even know what we look like except for descriptions, (which is okay for now). So I emailed her and said no, lets just meet at a local coffee shop somewhere.
Now, I am curious if that made me appear to be sort of uptight (or a chicken) in her thoughts... not sure, but it seems she is not wanting to put forth the effort. Easy for her but difficult for me right? this is my conclusion for now. I have not heard back. what do you think? however I am comfortable with my decision thus far.
4 people like this
12 responses
@sid556 (30959)
• United States
26 Nov 07
I agree with you. A public place is definitly good but not her job. I am guessing that she is uncomfortable and awkward too and chose her work setting because that is a place where she has friends and is comfortable....alas...not fair to you. A coffee shop is perfect, really.
1 person likes this
@cliffcliff (1350)
• United States
26 Nov 07
Yeah thats what i think. I know we men and women think differently, but i would never meet a stranger at my job.
Maybe it is kind of a novelty for her and her co-workers to meet guys at their job. I dont want to be part of their curious entertainment if that is the case. It takes a little nerve for two people to meet blindly, so why should I be the only one in an awkward position?
Maybe I thought I was desperate, haha! but not that desperate I guess!!
@BayleighGray (4334)
• United States
26 Nov 07
Hi CliffCliff!
Well, how come the two of you dont exchange photos of one another first? I think thats a good idea before meeting someone, that way your not looking for a description that could be a hundred people or more. Hehe
I think its nice that you are bonding with someone and considering meeting them. Just be careful! Like you said, she might feel comfortable meeting at her job because she has support around her. I can understand that. Maybe you should have suggested she bring a friend and you do the same, that way you both have a support system. Then if you feel like its going to take off or you feel comfortable with them you can meet just the two of you at a later time.
I dont think she would have thought of you being chicken or anything like that. If she thinks that, then maybe shes not open minded enough to consider your feelings on this. Women tend to think that men are more stronger emotionally and things like that shouldnt bother them. Perhaps thats whats on her mind!
Best of luck!
Bay Lay Gray xx
@cliffcliff (1350)
• United States
26 Nov 07
hi, how do you pronounce that name? "BayLee Gray" maybe haha! thats a funny avatar, you must be an artist..
The lady says she does not have a photo, but she said she is Latina, slim, attractive and nice. Thats fine with me, I dont demand a beautiful female from a photo. I have a photo for her, but it is not fair for me to give her one, and not one for me right?
I am not too picky, just want to establish from the start that I not going to be push-over guy, sending photos, meeting her where she wants only and no effort from her part...
Since she does not know me, i am not willing to be or even appear that I will do anything for someone I have never met.
This is important to project that I am an individual, sincere but not a wimp just needing friendship from anonymous emails.
I will admit that I am easy... but not that easy hehe!
-cliff
@BayleighGray (4334)
• United States
26 Nov 07
Good for you CliffCliff!! Oh and yes thats close enough, its more like Bay Lay Gray but your good!
I like how you wont budge to make someone else happy, but if neither of you give then your never going to meet! hehe
I guess you could keep looking and find someone who feels the same way you do. Rushing things and forcing things never really amount to much good anyway, so its best to take your time. :)
Have a Great Day! Bay xx
@LilyoftheThorns (12918)
• United States
26 Nov 07
I understand you not wanting to meet at her work, everything you said is true (and I would be worried about it too). I don't think you are uptight or a chicken for it.
Did you explain to her why you didn't want to meet her there or just suggest that you meet somewhere else?
@cliffcliff (1350)
• United States
26 Nov 07
yes, I explained that I did not want an audience of her co-workers, we will see what happens..
@LilyoftheThorns (12918)
• United States
27 Nov 07
well then she should understand that. I hope it works out for you! :)
@aseretdd (13730)
• Philippines
26 Nov 07
I hope you thought of the reason why she wanted to meed you at her work... if not... then these are some of the following reasons...
1. Safety... it is safer for a woman to meet a guy infront of people she knows...
2. So that the co-workers can check you out... then she will ask them what they think after the meeting...
3. Her co-workers are very nice and she wants you to meet them...
I hope you told her that you are quite embarrased because declining to meet her at her work might send the wrong signal...
@cliffcliff (1350)
• United States
26 Nov 07
well what is wrong with meeting at a public cafe? (like I had suggested).. there are people everywhere, very safe indeed.
And why would she need input from her co-workers the first meeting? Maybe later I can meet her co-workers, but we have not even met each other yet, so no need for an introduction with her friends/co-workers... and I dont want an audience, is that sending a wrong message?
One reason i do not want to meet someone at work also: what if this is not the person I think, just someone else just playing games, sending me to meet someone at the beauty shop with that name, but not the person that is emailing.
Meeting at the cafe means we either show up face to face or not. no chance on sending me on a wild goose chase.
(but i did tell her i was embarassed to meet at her shop).
@aseretdd (13730)
• Philippines
26 Nov 07
There is nothing wrong with meeting in a public place... i am merely putting it in her perspective... but if she already agreed to meet you in the place you designated...then i don't think there is a problem... but try to watch out because she might have friends lurking around to check you out...
@cliffcliff (1350)
• United States
26 Nov 07
thanks but no Ayou, i am not going to meet at her job! hehe, only at a nuetral cafe. I have my own thoughts too, not just her opinion. I am too shy to meet in front of many people that will judge me first time looking.
@shakirabijin (79)
• Philippines
26 Nov 07
well...I do understand your part that you felt ashamed of meeting her somewhere in her workplace. For me , I see it as normal reaction from a person who doesn't even develop a personal I mean physical contact friendship. There's a big difference between establishing friendship or more than that in chat or in messaging than establishing friendship in personal.
I was able to experience almost the same as your experience. It was before when I accepted a guy as my friend in text, I haven't met him in person that time, and as a matter of fact he invited me many times to meet him anywhere I want. I declined the idea of meeting someone I wasn't able to see in person. We actually call it here in the Philippines as "eyeball". I really felt that time that I will become so cheap if will gave in to this "eyeball stuff".
I find it embarrassing too, in fact it is very embarassing. that's why I understand your decision, and I think she will understand it too.
@cliffcliff (1350)
• United States
26 Nov 07
oh hi shakira, i am thinking now of several things from your response, not just for me but for you.
First, you should really not feel ashamed to meet someone "eyeball" as you say, even if you met only in text. If he appears to be a nice guy, not interested in only your features but your whole person and intelligence as you email.. maybe send photos also. I say this because you can learn a lot of good things from someone thru the computer, especially after some time. You may learn their degree of educatuion, humor and niceties, etc. So dont just assume you should be ashamed. Take a chance and you may find a love of your life! you never know..
It is quite normal these days to meet online, maybe you can make a Mylot discussion and find out who has met their hub or wife thru internet.
I only complaining because it seems strange to meet at this lady's work.
But maybe you should still give that boy a chance to meet you "eyeball" ;)
-cliff
@sunita64 (6469)
• India
26 Nov 07
Here I will narrate a real story that happenend with one of my friend's friend, for quite sometime he chatted with a lady who told herself to be his age, with great physical features and they exchanged photographs as well, once she asked the boy to meet in a coffee shop in order to recognise each other they kept the dress code red T shirt. Now this gentleman went to meet but took one friend of his with him after some time one very old lady with T shirt came , they kept on waiting somewhere hidden but never met that lady and came back as no other lady with red T shirt came of their age. So this internet friendship cannot be considered a right decision, if you was a little bit uptight then that was very normal.
@dutchess67 (917)
• United States
27 Nov 07
I think you were absolutely right on in making that call. I have met a couple of people online that I also met in person. And no matter how comfortable you may feel with that person online, it is always in the best interest of BOTH parties to err on the side of caution when meeting in person for the first time. You never know what you're going to run into and it's best not to put too much of yourself on the table at a first meeting.
Work is not an appropriate place for a first meeting of any kind of personal nature and your friend should know better.
@subha12 (18441)
• India
26 Nov 07
Look its she who wants to meet you. Being a woman she wants to meet you in front of others where she will not be alone. It is what i guess. But i also understand your embarrassment in meeting her. But you can mail her saying you are not comfortable meeting her in front of so many people.
@cliffcliff (1350)
• United States
26 Nov 07
I told her I was timid to meet her at her work, so I am waiting to see if she thinks I am a coward, stubborn or reasonable guy... my feeling is no regrets, we can still meet somewhere if she has an interest. I am pretty flexible.
But you see, here we are trying to figure what she is "thinking" (which is only natural)... however, a friend of mine said that a latina female wants to know if a guy thinks she is pretty or not first, before she wants to get deeper into a relationship, (as far as cultural differences may go). Therefore I am supposed to just stop in at her job, take a look at her and decide if i think she is pretty to me or not, and go from there. This is not the case in my mind, but certainly this "machismo" expectation may be a reality sometimes, who knows, maybe that is what she is thinking. While we are assuming her offer to meet at work is for safety/comfort purposes as in many of the other responses suggest... we may be totally wrom=ng here!
@majablanca (66)
• Philippines
26 Nov 07
I think she just want to meet you in an environment where she is comfortable and familiar with. No problem in that, but the question is, are you comfortable about meeting her in her "territory"? Come to think of it, it's not that big a deal, especially if you're the type who adaptable in any situation. As long as you made a good impression, regardless where you meet, then everything will turn out fine. Goodluck to you, and I hope it works out!
@olivia_2007 (51)
• China
26 Nov 07
i think meeting a stranger in public will be better.it is fair to each other,you are friends,but you do not recognise her friends,it is obvious you will feel uncomfortable.i guess she must be busy or she wants to find some place which is safe for her,that is why she wants you to meet her in her job place.you can tell your opionion,i think she will think about it.
@cliffcliff (1350)
• United States
26 Nov 07
thats what i think,, i dont want be on a stage for her friends, its too embarassing for me, true..thanks for the response and i always love the name olivia, hehe
-cliff
@JeremyEdison (281)
• China
26 Nov 07
lol.
very funny.and congratulations to you.
you are lucky you know.
in my country usually man wants woman to meet.
my advice is to meet her wherever she is.
don't care the other people's opinion.
the most important is do you want meet her????
you can ask yourself
place ,time ,...is not the key
@cliffcliff (1350)
• United States
26 Nov 07
yeah, well i would like to meet her but not that desperate that i will go just anywhere for first meeting, lol..
