Co-Parenting as an interest...
By PrettyViolet
@PrettyViolet (86)
United States
November 25, 2007 12:12pm CST
It seems to me that with so many divorce and custody posts, more people should have an interest in co-parenting.
What is co-parenting? Good question. The basic definition of co-parenting is "both parents actively participate in a child's upbringing." Now, that is a very broad and vague definition, isn't it? Although, I think it is a very simple concept....one of those simple concepts that is so very hard to achieve.
With divorce being rampant at least in the United States, and a very large percentage of those couples getting a divorce having one or more children, the average person would think that co-parenting would be one of the first things on these couples' minds, if not the very first. Are not our children the most important things in our lives? If they are not, then perhaps that is where we should start.
This discussion has so many repercussions, and branches, that I could get off-base if I'm not really careful here, so I should stick to the subject at hand, at least for now.
Let's talk about co-parenting. I want to hear from people who practice effective co-parenting, people who have never even heard of it, and people who want to co-parent for the good of their child(ren), but are unsure where to start. This is for divorced parents, as well as married parents.
Feel free to add me as a friend, I don't have many yet...and no, I'm not asking for pity, LOL, just friends with my interests to share.
Thanks for reading.
3 people like this
3 responses
@bizmom (515)
• United States
25 Nov 07
BEEN there DONE that!.. well tryed anyways lol
Good points of course but in order to have CO PARENTING that means two parents and well gee..
I think ( in my case anyway) the very fact that HE DID NOT attend some of the classes in order to make us co parenting ( partners) goes to show u that hes NOT interested!
and altho that is great... in theory..
Most kids with atleast ONE parent that LOVES them and is there for them is ALL they need!
thiers no point in pulling the kids into the situation where ur making it *for the kids* when cleary its not about them!
For instance if i took my ex to court now.. not only will it be the kids getting hurt and crying and feeling badly ALL over again! His calls will resume from him THINKING we want him back!
its a viciouse cycle that he has yet to grow up from! :(
so instead of Waiting wishing him to be A parent muchless Co-parenting with me - PLEASE!! (id grow old!) We would wather have NOTHING what so ever to do with him!
He has hurt Me ( which im way over) but i WILL never forgive him for hurting the kids!! and promises to a child means the world!!
when u break them over and over again! theres a limit to what children will take too!
And mine got to that limit and instead of carrying around resentment they told him how they felt - he in turn blamed me and then they said *then we dont want to see u anymore! it has nothing to do with Mom!! ITS YOU! You dont show when u say u will, we dont do anything u promise, and all we hear is what u miss about Mom!!* ( that i didnt know till they said it him!
:( )
and they have been MUCH better off for it - not a single call,card, gift.. nothing so.. thats not a parent!
( if he WERE an active *parent* or WANTED TO be then he'd alteast try)
So CO-PARENTING CAN ONLY WORK WITH TWO PARENTS! :(
and besides i have been all the *parent* they needed from birth anyway - now im remarried- they are MUCH better for it!! they now have a Daddy who LOVES them more than anything!!
IF.. GOD forbid something happend between my current hubby & myself, HE'D be ONLY TOO willing to still be thier Daddy! :)
Reguardles of whats going on with us! :)
THats a REAL man! :) xx lol
XX
( my two cents) lol
1 person likes this
@PrettyViolet (86)
• United States
25 Nov 07
Very good point. Yes, of course, it takes both people, who are hopefully mature adults who really WANT to give their child(ren) what is best, for the concept of co-parenting to work. And abusive people, need not apply. So, co-parenting has one strike against it for those who are either unwilling or unable to get mature parents. Thanks for your response, it is much appreciated...and I'm sorry your children don't have their bio father in their lives, even if it was their choice. I am happy, however, that their step-dad has stepped up and been a real man.
@bishu_sinha (1457)
• India
26 Nov 07
A nice discussion.
I strongly agreed with you.
Parent and children should be a bridge of confidence, reliability and a strong bond for ever.
1 person likes this
@PrettyViolet (86)
• United States
26 Nov 07
True, but my point was that not only should there be a "bridge of confidence, reliability and a strong bond for ever" between a parent and a child, but also between the parents themselves. What I am not saying is that parents should love and cherish each other...that just doesn't happen much in today's world. But, a child, this little person who is part you and part this other person, deserves to know that you at least can get along with the other person...it proves to them that they themselves were conceived in love and are still loved and cherished. I'm not sure how clear that all is, but if we profess to hate the person we made this child with, then isn't it possible that the child might think,"If Mom/Dad hates my other parent, does that mean Mom/Dad hates part of me??!!"
Which brings another question to mind. Can you hate this person you made a child with, and not hate half the child itself? Does it not make more sense to at least respect the other person?
@ProminentCitizen (10)
• United States
25 Nov 07
My partner and I adopted a newborn at the beginning of 2006. I would say we co-parent pretty effectively. We both work and we alternate(d) (past and present tense) most of the child care duties (Thank God the sleep-deprivation duties of those first few months are now a thing of the past).
I would say that the biggest benefit of co-parenting, however, isn't so much that there's consistency and uniformity of care or interaction. On the contrary, it's the variety of style and personality of each individual parent that's a great benefit to the child. The child learns to see the world through more than one lense. If there's more than one way to take a bath, for example, or more than one way to play with blocks, or more than one way to read the same story, then the child's world is, in the end, much richer.
I would also suggest that the word "co-parenting" might need to be updated considering the variety of blended families and relationships today. Perhaps tri- or quad-parenting is also appropriate.
1 person likes this
@PrettyViolet (86)
• United States
25 Nov 07
Congratulations on the adoption of your new baby!
And you are right about the benefit of variety of style and personality of each parent. That's something I hadn't thought of, but children all need to learn that with most things in life, there's no "right" way to do it, for instance, washing dishes...one person I know insists that the glasses should be washed first; I, on the other hand, do it my way, with silverware and plates first, and THEN the glasses and bowls. Neither is "right" or "wrong" but just a difference in style.
Very good thought about tri- or quad- parenting. I often used to wish that my older three could have the benefit of quad-parenting, where each of the adults involved had a chance to input their opinions and methods. However, due to animosity with certain individuals, as well as legalities, co-parenting stands as choice. If there are third and fourth individuals who can be involved without animosity, so much the better for the child(ren).
Thanks for your thoughts, and for reading. Have a marvelous time raising your baby!
