I made my sister-in-law mad and apologized later, what would you have done?
By snoopy04
@snoopy04 (718)
United States
November 26, 2007 3:20pm CST
I made my sister-in-law mad and now she is rude to me even though I did apologize. My sister-in-law and her boyfriend are always coming over and hanging out at my house during the week and on the weekends. I try to put up with it since its my husband sister but sometimes I get so tired of having them over here all the time. She turned 21 and she has a little girl that is almost two and another child on the way. Her boyfriend is a idiot but that is a difefrent post all together. They were over last week and it was around 7 in the evening. Well I was in the process of trying to get my sons clothes prepared for school the next day so I was digging around in their closet. I told Zac and Logan to clean their room and then put on their pjs. Well my sister-in-law wasnt watching her daughter and she started pulling toys out of my sons closet. So I looked down at her and told her no, please dont get out the toys and picked up the toys and put them back in the closet.Well my sister-in-law walked in the room grabbed her and left. Needless to say they didnt stay long. So my husband asked me what was wrong and I told him what happend. So later on I called her and apologized and explained her why I told her daughter no and put the toys up.
Well now she is telling everyone in the family that I screamed at her daughter and refused to let her daughter play with any of my childrens toys.
Well we have a playroom and she could have gone in there and played with alot of toys and it wouldnt have mattered. I just didnt want her messing up my sons room when I told them to start cleaning up. I never even yelled at her daughter I just squatted down and told her no not to get the toys out. I dont believe I did anything wrong and I certaintly didnt yell at her child. But she would have left me a huge mess and I have a routine in the evenings during the week when they have school. I apologized as well but she just wont let it go.
Was I in the wrong? Would you have accepted my apology and let it be? Can you see my point of view as well?
1 person likes this
15 responses
@asgtswife04 (2475)
• United States
26 Nov 07
It sounds to me like you did the right thing. Sometimes people just can't see past why they got mad in the first place, which honestly she shouldn't have even gotten mad that you told her daughter no. If you have a routine, she should respect that and keep her daughter out of there. I have a routine at my house as well with my two boys and when it comes time to clean up my 19 month old isn't allowed in their room to mess it up again. i really wouldn't sweat it to much. You have to think about your children and staying consistent with them. I am sorry that she is telling the rest of the family that you yelled at her daughter. She shouldn't be doing that. Hopefully you will be able to talk to her again and explain to her why you told her daughter no and hopefully it will sink in with her and she will understand. I'll be praying for you and keep us posted. God bless
1 person likes this
@jenseyedea (579)
• United States
26 Nov 07
What is it with family this time of year? LOL I know what you mean, and understand where you are coming from. You were not in the wrong, and if she got offended that easily then I would hate to see what her house looks like. She should have backed you up, and then picked up the toys that her child got out. That is what I would have done. But then again I know when my friends would be getting their kids around for bed..I either would excuse myself and go home...or go into another room until she got her kids to bed. You were just fine in what you did. I wouldnt think you would have needed to call and apologize...but if that works for you. :) I am sure in time she will get over it and things will be fine. If anything maybe she will consider how things go at your home.
@Thoroughrob (11742)
• United States
26 Nov 07
We have a room that has toys in it that everyone plays with. The toys that my kids treasure and are afraid of getting broke, are in their room. They know that if they get them out and play when other kids are there and they get broke, I don't want to hear it. I do not feel like you were in the wrong, and if she did hear you, and misunderstood, she should be satisfied. You have a playroom for her to play in and she doesn't need to be in your son's closet. She will get over it, although it sounds like she might have to mature a little more first.
1 person likes this
@entrepreneurgirl (273)
• United States
15 Dec 07
You did the right thing. The fact that it seems like she uses you guys is the real problem. She needs to got out on her own and take care of her children. It's nice that you allow them to be there all the time but maybe you should try to help them get out on their own. It's hard to do, but necessary sometimes.
@keep_onwatch (2680)
• India
7 Apr 08
Stop worrying. You didnt do anything wrong, when you asked ur boys to clean up, they had to clean up and you cant let toys all around in that room. Well you did apologize, so i guess you r not at all at the fault.
@sabbathandruth (567)
• Canada
26 Nov 07
i agree with you !
dont wOrry too mucH about it i think you were right!
1 person likes this
@sweetdesign (5142)
• United States
27 Nov 07
You were totally in the right. But it is good that you apologized because sometimes we have to apologize even when we are right. I have had two sister in laws and niether have liked me. My brother's ex-wives just don't like me. I do not know why on either of them but the second one doesn't even know me and doesn't like me. I hope some day I have a sister in law that likes me.
@sudiptacallingu (10879)
• India
27 Nov 07
At least you apologized…I would have been glad to see the back of them for good! You are somewhat like my mom. She will go on tolerating all kinds of nonsense from the extended family and then one fine day she will just say something to somebody and then apologise and then feel bad and then everyone will go around saying how bad she is and then mom will cry on my shoulders. Many times I have told her not to tolerate such crap, to at least speak out when she is feeling that somebody is taking undue advantage of her day-in day-out but no, she will just tolerate them, be even good to them, pamper them unnecessarily. You seem to be exactly like her. You should have told your husband to speak to his sis long time back and if he refused (as all brothers have a soft spot for their sis), you should have told her long time back just how busy you are all days and how you hate ‘people’ intruding into your space at all odd hours.
@StrawberryKisses (2833)
• Canada
27 Nov 07
OMG If I was your sister in law I would have taken my daughter into the play room. How hard is that? She is over reacting big time and I don't think it was your responsibility to appologise. If anything she should be appologising.
I'm not much older than she is and that is just plain rude. Some women don't seem to mature the way others do. I could see my sister being that way but not me I am too easy going.
@lyloo14 (128)
• France
27 Nov 07
Snoopy,
If I would have been you, I wouln't even have appologised. Whose house house is it? yours no??
I mean, you're kind enough to stand them almost every day, you almost live with them so much they're hanging at your house, and you couldn't say or do what you want in your own house?
They're not even invited, so they have to follow your rules, when you decide it's time to clean up and prepare to the evening routine, it's your right and everybody has to follow. Your children's routine is important as has not to be changed.
I think you should talk to your hubby about the fact they're always hanging over and tell him you need also sometimes a bit intimacy with him and your children, and then both have a discussion with your SIL. As, even if you like your SIL and enjoy her company, you also have a life, and you don't want necessary to spend everyday with her.
Her daughter is at a difficult age, I know I also have a 2 years old boy, and SHE should know, SHE should watch her and avoid her to mess around when it's not time anymore. Especially when she's by other people (even if it's close family) who are kind enough to welcome and stand them each time they come.
In my opinion, you shouldn't have appologised, and even less explained anything. If she's not able to see your reaction is normal, she has nothing to do at your house anymore until she learns a bit politeness and respect for you and your house rules.
@Aussies2007 (5336)
• Australia
27 Nov 07
I would not put up with having my sister in law in my house everyday... period.
Stop apologizing. Stop talking to her.
Don't let her back in your house until she apologize to you. She is selfish and a spoil brat who needs to grow up.
@xXxMikesWifeyxXx (3072)
• United States
27 Nov 07
Dude for one. its not just your husband house so if she wants to be rude to you in youe house tell her to take her little a$$ and go home. she may be your husbands sister but i dont think your marrige certificate said you were marrying his family too:)
I agree with you and would have done the veary same thing..i dont think you were in the wrong for it at all.
@mandy_27 (67)
• Australia
27 Nov 07
Hi, I can see your point of view and I don't think that you were in the wrong. If I was in your position I would have done the same thing, I may have even, done my anana at her because I can not stand mess(The sister in law not the child).You did the nice thing in apologising to her, considering you shouldnt have needed to.
On the other hand, she should have accepted your apology considering the situation, that you had asked your children to clean up their rooms, and If she has such a problem, she should not spend so much time at your house. She needs to let her daughter play with her own toys, at her own house.
@Sillychick (3275)
• United States
27 Nov 07
You were not wrong, and no apology was necessary. Your sister in law seems very selfish and not concerned about disrupting your routine, not only for bedtime, but for being over all the time. I would just tell her like it is. She and her daughter were intruding on your children's evening routine, and you would appreciate her being more considerate of that. Whatever she is telling people, they will probably consider the source and not believe every word.
@blueunicorn (2401)
• United States
26 Nov 07
snoopy, I am right there with you. I think it was really nice of you to apologise to her, but it wasn't needed. You didn't do anything wrong. My husband's family seems the same, though. We don't dare say anything to one of the kids that don't belong to us. Routines are extremly important, I think, and the little girl needed to understand that your boys were told to do something. Again, you were not wrong. Give it some time for the situation to blow over and I'm sure maybe your husband's sister will come to understand your side eventually.
