how did it go wrong

Right and wrong are never black and white, only shades of gray. You think the key incident warranted an apology, she thought replacing was the apology. You took it upon yourself to inform a friend about a family member's health condition. Did it occur to you that you should have asked the family member's parent how to handle the knowledge without betraying their wishes? Or could it be that you aren't supposed to know of the condition, and are angry because someone carried your words onward? Please don't be hurt or angry with me, as I am trying to look at different takes on these examples. If you want to remain more calm and drop that attitude of frustration with people, think about the deal from their side and just let it go. Reserve your judgment for more important issues and you can be much less upset. The power is right there in your own mind, and the reward is a better person

maybe the relationship is over and cheating is just a pretext which ur mom is using to end this relationship without breaking her heart too much

I think it's very difficult for children, even when they are adults, to see their parents as anything other than their parents! So you may say you don't think your dad is cheating for various reasons but there must be some reason for your mother to feel this way. Of course if your mother is around the same age as your father it's possible there could be hormonal stuff going on for her at the moment as another respondent has already suggested. There again there could be things in their relationship that you don't know about, maybe even things that have happened in the past. It's tough if you're stuck in the middle of it though. I know it's easier said than done but it's probably best to try to avoid getting too involved in it all or taking sides. Hopefully it's just a bad patch and things will come right again.

Oh that seems odd all these years they have stayed sweet and close to each other and all of a sudden your mother would think now that they have gone old that you father is chaeting. Don't you think that it maybe sign of getting old already? What evidences that your mother thinks that you dad is cheating try to evaluate. Talk also to your dad why she thinks this way... Your father may have change her attitude towards her. I think you should look at all angles to see what is the truth.

Well, if your dad is innocent he should just relax and eventually the truth will come out. Meantime, your mom should be careful not to nag too much. If she does, that might be the reason for your dad to wander away. Just be the supportive daughter that you are, and your family will get through this.

Well, you will never know, many things I did not believe about some people myself, and they happened to be true. However, we don't have to bring accustions against somebody without a good reason. Bringing accusations like this might distance somebody and it is not a proof of love. I would leave somebody for keeping on acusing me for something I will never do. And what makes her think that your father is doing this? You said he is not looking seductive. Lack of tact might ruin a good marriage.

Well go thru this before you decide: Me an only child of working parents. My dad is the eldest of his siblings and had to shoulder a lot of responsibilities. They married after being in love. My mom looked after my needs, my studies, her office and the house while dad slogged it out abroad for 10 to 12 yrs. after he returned, we had happy times and enough money to indulge ourselves and like you, I thought they made a perfect couple. Mom continued working and dad started a business venture and things were quite bright. However, for the past 5 or 6 yrs, mom has been accusing dad of cheating her financially. According to her, during her working years she never had the time to organize her salary (busy as she was) and entrusted dad with all. On retiring, she found that apart from the company benefits, she hardly had anything in her name. Dad says that her salary was spent on the daily family expenditure as his earnings went to support his siblings…their education, marriage, parents’ treatments etc (Dad being the eldest child). So now here we at the crossroads, with a fight everyday. I am married with a child and a family of my own and I know it that the situation is beyond reversal. Its just that we are Indians otherwise my parents would have divorced quite sometime back. It pains me a lot, the ideal situation has been replaced by vicious mud-slinging and even during my visits (with my child), they throw at each other such words of hatred that even my child of 8yrs cringes! It’s a sad situation (esp. for an only child) but one that I cant really help.

Look there are so many psychological changes in people. it is not that it can't happen in your mom as she is griown older. For some reason she may be feeling insecure. But you can have a clear talk with her to figureout what was her concerns.

i think the most important is why your mother think your father cheating her,what make her think so?^^

hi phillygirl.its really sad to hear aobut the differences of your parents and that too in this age.i guess your mother is going through some depression.this noramally does happen to most of the ladies after reaching 45.there are a lot of harmonal changes in the body,which makes one irritating nature or something like that.i think your mother is going through that phase only.she needs full attention and love of your father and your as well.try to arrange some dinner for them outside or go for an holiday so that they can spend sometime with each other and sought out the differences.try to be a friend of your mother,so that she can confess as to why she is thinking like this,when your father is innocent.

Women instincts...tht's what they call it. I refer to it as Wife Instincts. Somehow it does happens. I had a couple of experiences like these with my hubby. There are tell tale signs from the man,especially if he is not used to playing the infidelity game. There is also the guity look on his face or his body language wld tell something. What I did was, first investigate to get proofs. Then confront the matter in a nice way (man wld normally deny). Use psychology. It works all the time.

I would say that there is something definitely going on under the surface. Whether your mom knows something she isn't sharing with you or she is having some difficulties. Maybe she feels old or undesirable. I suggest talking your dad into a date. Make it a Christmas something since that is the season. Take your mom to the spa for the day, get her pampered, her hair and nails done, her make up. If you can swing it maybe a new dress. Get your dad as dressed up as possible and have them go out to dinner. Or if that is too much, maybe do a girls day home and set up your own "spa" complete with bubble bath, rose water, or such. Then if you have brothers or sisters or friends you could throw your parents a date. Cook dinner, light the candles, and see what happens. Lack of self confidence can tear a person apart. That is what it sounds like here. She doesn't feel good about her and therefore she thinks that he doesn't want her any more.