what to do if you found out you were his great love?
By jhall13
@jhall13 (10)
United States
November 27, 2007 3:03pm CST
A firend of mine came over last night and was upset. When I asked her what was wrong she stated that her husband came home from work one night last week and said that he had ran in to his ex- girld friend but, not just an ex his first love. He had told her the old feels had come to surface and she sat and listen more. She says that he had a lot of passion in his voice and that she was hurt by this. She stated. "I am ok with being the woman he loves now. I just know that he'll never love me that way." I told her nothing and watched as I knew that broken hearted face. I am her friend but, don't want to give her misleading advice on her husband he is good to her. So the question is. What would you do if you were her?and what should I do as her friend?
2 people like this
4 responses
@subha12 (18441)
• India
29 Nov 07
Its a really tough situation i must say. If i was at her position i would have talked with him cklearly.
Love can't be forced as i can't force anybody to love me more than his first love. If its the case and after talking to him i understand that he is no longer interested in me, i would have left him.
1 person likes this
@jhall13 (10)
• United States
29 Nov 07
Well its been a crazy few days but, it is ok for now. She and her husband dropped by last night. They talked it out right here and well. I can see his point as a friend but, as a wife I would have to say. it would still hurt. Of corse I got slammed into the middle of it. So I asked her do you feel your the second choice. She stated yes but also stated that her heart loved him as a first choice so she could live with it. I looked at him and he said to me I really do love her. (His current wife.) All I could say as there friend is then look to the future and not to the pass. I must admit I watched his face as he talked about his ex and there was passion. passion I am sure his wife my friend saw to.
@GloomCookieLex (6073)
• United States
27 Nov 07
I would hate to find out I was his "second choice". I don't think I could live with it. I'd probably have to leave him if that were the case.
As a friend, you should probably just be there and try to help her discover her true feelings about it. If she's really fine with it, that's great, but if she's just doing the "brave face" thing, you need to let her know it's okay to be open with her real feelings.
1 person likes this
@GloomCookieLex (6073)
• United States
29 Nov 07
Yes, I have a first love. My husband. He had past relationships, but he has no residual feelings for them, I'm his true love.
Honestly, you have no way of knowing how this woman's husband got seperated from his first love, it's not uncommon for people to move on becuase they think they have to and if he still has feelings for her that are so strong, odds sound good that this woman is his second choice because he thought the first wasn't possible or available anymore.
@blueunicorn (2401)
• United States
28 Nov 07
I don't know necessarily that the wife in this situation is "second choice". Don't you have a first love? Things probably didn't work out for you for one reason or another, but I'm sure you have fond memories of that person. Maybe I'm wrong about first loves because I do hold mine so dear. My husband wasn't my second choice, though. My first love and I would never have worked out.
@blueunicorn (2401)
• United States
27 Nov 07
Wow, that is a really tough one, j. I think if we are all honest with ourselves we all hold onto our first true love a little bit. There is just a special place in our hearts for that person. I would not bring this conversation up to your friend again, but let her bring it up to you if she needs to talk about it. I think I would tell her that the feelings her husband had come up were probably based on memories of that person. If he really spent time with her he would see that she is not the same person and that they ended for a reason. Of course, I wouldn't want him to spend time with his first love because that would just put them in a position that is too easy to make mistakes in. However, I have to admit that from time to time the memory of my first love comes back to me. I think that is a way for us to go back to a time when life was easier or at the very least different. I would tell your friend to be honest with herself. It does hurt to know that her husband has had feelings for others as well, but we all have. Don't let memories get in the way of today. I hope that helps!
1 person likes this
@jhall13 (10)
• United States
27 Nov 07
As a friend I feel her but you know that If I say anything and she thinks less of herself or she may start a argument with him and of corse if it goes bad she blames me. SO I am really trying to restain myself and watch what I say because she is my friend and she is hurting. SHe meantion that she feels a distance between them and I really want to help her. Well nobody said it would be easy to be friends. right. well I will let her know and thanks again.
1 person likes this
@blueunicorn (2401)
• United States
28 Nov 07
It is hard to be a friend in this situation. No matter what happens just be there for her with love and support. Even if you disagree with what she is doing to handle the situation. I wish you luck.
@JeremyEdison (281)
• China
28 Nov 07
you can sugguest her talk with her husband.because they are family.but you arenot.I think the most important of the marriage is the communication.they need communicate with each other.as her friend that's the all you can do.
@jhall13 (10)
• United States
28 Nov 07
well its 930 am and she woke me this morning and said that they had been arguing with this since last night. She soesn't understand how he could say your the ONE and do feel this way. I still don't know what to say to even confort her. When I talked to her to her this morning I told her to relax and think of the wonderful relastionship they have but, her words were. How much is enough? yet a again I am at a lost for words. because she and her husband are the couple people look at and think they will be together forever. I think he was trying to be honnest with her and she understood from his point of view. as his bestfriend then of corse her wifely emotions kicked in. any adivice is welcomed.
@JeremyEdison (281)
• China
29 Nov 07
you are at difficlut situation as her best friend
there is no best suggestion existence.
the way to solve this problem is only talking each other.
what she want her husband to do,and what she want to do?
do you know?
do you acquaint with her husband?
if you know her husband
you can communicate with him as his friend rather than his wife's best friend.
1 person likes this
