Abuse leads to another abuse

They say, whoever they are, that it is a continuing thing in families. I don't believe this because I was abused when I was a child. My father was a very mean drunk and would beat up on us when his life was miserable. In turn I learned to never abuse my children. I did the opposite and sometimes didn't discapline them enough. But they are now grown and are very well adjusted adults. They are very close to me and call me often. I know they love me.

I think that we copy our parents thinking that whatever they did was right regardless of what really happen. I know that many people can repeat whole pattern in subconscious way. They do what they remember from their own childhood.

I think unfortunately it is often the case that the abused becomes the abuser. However it's not inevitable that this will happen, many who were abused during childhood do not grow up to be abusive adults. I acknowledge that childhood events can hugely affect our adult lives but I do also think that there is an onus of responsibility on the individual to break that cycle of abuse, whether that is by getting treatment/counselling or whatever.

I know they say this to be true..but it doesnt have to be..these are statistics..I know people who have been abused and would never raise their hand to hurt a child. I think putting people into a category like that is wrong.

I dimiss the notion that the abuser is one because they were abused when they were kids. It's all crap. We should not accept such scapegoats. It's a terrible precedence for us to accept such an excuse. An abuser is an abuser, whether they were abused when they were kids should not even be tolerated in their mitigation. Period.

If you were abused, it does lead to you being an abuser, so what should happen is for the children of the abused to see another way of living and that not everyone tortures their own children. I do not think that this is set in stone, that if you were abused, that you will do it. All he has to do is to find out how other parents treat their kids, and follow their example or make down a list of how he felt when he was beaten up and what damage was done to him. If he got taken to the hospital and missed the school prom or someplace special, then it ruined his life. I suppose the same would apply to animal abusers, but what is more serious throwing a kitten into a pond or shaking a baby when she cries?

please do not take this the wrong way,I do not believe in abuse,but the question I have is,what is abuse and who sets the limits on it? every year now,there are people that think what was done years ago,such as spanking is abuse,done properly,this is a great teacher,but exccessive hitting,hitting anywhere but the backside I find abusive. any kind of physical hitting causing bruising or broken bones as abuse and should be prosicuted,but spanking should not,if you don't believe in spanking,fine,but do not condem those that do so to teach children right from wrong. there are far to many children and adults today,that should have had a tanning,then we would have far less crime than we do. I do know,many do not see it my way,and that is fine,to each their own.

Yeah, people definitely follow patterns that culture gives them. The abused are likley to abused, therefore the threat of pain is not always the answer.

I think it is absolutely possible! Breaking the cycle of abuse is so difficult. What we are taught as children becomes part of who we are, as our brains grow and develope what we learn becomes ingrained into us. How we were treated is often a mirror of how we treat others.

yup that is how it usually happens I think so, what we have to try to do is to break the cycle, like if Pinky is mean to me cuz she can't help it, to try to help her and NOT be mean to all women after that, por ejemplo so if your mama beat you , get therapy and don't pass that along

Unfortunately I've often heard that this is the case where if children are being abused by their parents, it was because the parent(s) were abused themselves. I guess it's a hard emotional pattern to break, although not all parents that were abused as children become abusers themselves, mainly due to the fact that they remember what it was like to be abused so promise themselves not to become like that and repeat history

I believe that the abused become abusers. But I firmly believe that this can be stopped by proper guidance of the abused.

All I know is that some abusees become abusers because their parents abused them while other abusees don't become abusers because their parents abuse them.

I am sure you have heard the saying "children learn what they see" and it doesn't matter if it is good or bad. A child raised in a home where the husband treats the woman with not respect teaches the child it is okay to disrespect women. A child raised in a home full of swearing learns it is okay to swear and does not learn the difference between the good words and the bad words. I believe that abuse of any kind robs the abused of their self-esteem, fills them with a feeling of powerlessness and many times fear. When the abused grows up the only way for him/her to feel powerfull is to take control and become the abuser (the powerful one)thus continuing the cycle. Intervention and therapy can many times help, however many times it is often not discovered about the abuse until a tragidy occurs. This is just my opinion of course but if you think about it we all tend to conform to our environment....loving or abusive.