How can you solve this???
By kwenge
@kwenge (2487)
Kenya
December 6, 2007 1:40am CST
Jane is a cousin of mine, she is 19 years old with a 23 years old boyfriend, there is this family man with 2 teenage kids - they are family friends to Jane's family and they always visit each other and go picniking together.
Now here is the drama: Jane is breaking up with her 23 year old boyfriend, reason being she is deeply in live with this family man. Funny enough the wife of this man treats her like a daughter and cannot suspect anything between her hubby and Jane. Jane has already slept with the man (sugar daddy) severally and only once with her boyfriend
What advice can you give Jane?
3 people like this
17 responses
@dloveli (4366)
• United States
6 Dec 07
My advice to Jane is this: Think of what it would feel like if it was your husband and a person you trusted. Cheating is dirty no matter how you look at it. Im sorry the family man should know better. Hes got children. Are Janes parents divorced? If so than imagine how the children will feel? If not, she sees the effects of situations like this everyday in the news. Also, these situations can get dangerous! Most importantly it doesnt make you look like you have respect for yourself. Most people will say follow your heart. I say follow your conscience. It will haunt you for a lifetime. Remember; what goes around, comes around. Someday it may be you whose husband is stepping out on. Karma is a wonderous thing!
1 person likes this
@carol_m (709)
• Philippines
6 Dec 07
The only thing that's morally right -- try to persuade your cousin to stay away from this married man. I understand she's too young and tends to be aggressive. Still, as a family, you should let her see the consequences of what she's doing. Also, try to talk to this married man (and if the situation really calls for it, the wife) to stay out of your cousin's way, or that he could please do something that could make Jane realize how immoral is the act.
1 person likes this
@kwenge (2487)
• Kenya
6 Dec 07
Thank you dear friend for your honest advice.
We are trying our best and if she is not going to listen, we will have to involve the wife of the man. But my fears are, she might end up hurting Jane or doing something to harm her. I have seen how jane and the wife treat each.......just like mother and daughter. Remember the lady has got boys only thats why she treats jane like her only daugheter. what a BACKSTURBER!
@stella1989 (2274)
• India
7 Dec 07
My goodness..!!
I will say this is only a teeny thing nothing else..!!!
She is only 19 and sleeping with a man who's wife consider her as her daughter!!!
This is seriously like stabbing someone from the back. She is not doing the right thing.
I know many girls get attracted to married men its common..!! But this doesn't mean that you should go and sleep around with them too. I would never call it a "love" between them.
But if jane says that she loves him then she should have the power to confront it too..!!
If she confronts it then its ok. Otherwise they are just taking some lesiurely fun!!
But your in delima here ..coz she is destroying their family from both side!!
Which is Bad.
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@stella1989 (2274)
• India
7 Dec 07
Try talking to jane's parents then....!!
NOW its not the time to think about who is getting hurt or not..!!
YOu must understand it is a big issue now and some one have to solve it out. Tell her Parents to take care of their daughter. If you don't want to tell this to the wife!!
Or else you have to inform the wife about this ..because this matter matters a lot to the wife ....its her family in danger!!!!
@kwenge (2487)
• Kenya
7 Dec 07
Stella I am really confused, I dont know if i can the wife of that man or not. Because if I tell her she is going to kill that girl and she is going to get hurt. I have tried to talk Jane out of this but I have not managed. I know her boyfriend is also going to get hurt if he finds out. God am so confused.
1 person likes this
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@jayalaksmi (1039)
• India
6 Dec 07
Its really a complex situation but jane should not live her boyfriend and the family man is just for few days because he cannont live his family and she should trust her boyfriend and go out of the relationship with the family man.
@princessa200145 (616)
• United States
6 Dec 07
i think she should stay with her boyfriend this married man is a loser if she thinks he will leave his wife she is crazy as long as he gets the milk for free why buy the cow sugar daddy is all it will ever be even if he cheats on his wife how do u know that she is not the only one he gets the goodies from. i bet he has more than her and filling their heads full of bs like hes doing to her. why play second fiddle to the mans wife i am sure she can do better what about unwanted pregnancy or worse aids think about it is he really worth all of this drama. when in the long run she will lose anyways doesnt she have self esteem she can do better it sucks to be single but i would rather be single then be a family breaker upper
1 person likes this
@fortunebee (509)
• Philippines
6 Dec 07
What goes around, comes around! It's a matter of realization that Jane needs to consider. Even if Jane is in love with the married man, I would also like to say something to this married man! He may not feel karma this time, but somewhere down the road, his children will suffer from what he is doing. Ask Jane if she wants to be the wife who wouldn't suspect of anything and treats you nicely? If she answers that she doesn't mind being the wife as long as she doesn't find out, then I would really say that the world has gone MORALLY BAD! I couldn't say more, but what goes around, comes around.
1 person likes this
@SViswan (12051)
• India
11 Dec 07
I'd tell Jane 'Grow up!'. This isn't the right thing to do. And I don't really need to tell her where she's going wrong. It's obvious to everyone who reads this (except Jane because she's supposedly in love). I guess you should talk to your cousin and make her see sense and not try andbreak up a family.
@sudiptacallingu (10879)
• India
11 Dec 07
No advice really, she is headed for hell and it’s one roller-coaster rip-roaring journey which she will not want to miss for anything in this world. by the time the journey ends and she gets down from her high horse, the damage will be done in both the families. The primary fault is with the girl’s family…say what we may about gender equality and all such, it is primarily the girls family’s responsibility to protect her from predators…once your girl is consumed, its your girl you are losing so better take care from the beginning itself. Secondly what you common friends or neighbours can do is thrash this middle-aged guy well with police threats thrown in so that he will keep his roving eyes off other kids. Thirdly, if possible take Jane away to some place where she is least likely to come across this guy again. She should instead concentrate on her studies and career at this time and the environment around her should be conducive for this.
@Season923 (7)
• China
7 Dec 07
I think you'd better ask Jane to stopping having relationship with the family man.It is not sensible for Jane doing this 'cause this will ruin her life.What's more,the man's wife treat Jane so well that Jane should know how to be thankful to that kind lady.Jane has to learn to control her mind.
@cosylvia (399)
• China
7 Dec 07
i know jane dont listen anyone advice from others..coz maybe the love is blindness,after this mess i believe jane dont like this sugar daddy ....time will change this ,now she is only little
@cartoon4umaniacs (1648)
• United States
6 Dec 07
I would say stop doing it with the sugar daddy. Gosh, his married and have kids, is Jane out of her mind? As far as her bf goes gosh she better be nice to him that is total betrayal. If she breaks up with her bf, the I would say thank goodness he don't need that kind of a woman. There are many good ones out there that won't sleep around with married men nor would they have affairs. What if she picks up some disease or something. The bf got luck out if Jane breaks up with him. And sleeping with a friend's husband that is just immoral. I am sorry but your cousin is a you know what that starts with a S and ends with a T. She needs to know that even if she loves this married man, his MARRIED and have KIDS. She suppose to be their friend what kind of back stabbing is that. She needs to check herself out and get with the program. Seek advice from a professional who can help her understand that this is not only immoral but stupid as well. As for that married man he should be shot...
@kwenge (2487)
• Kenya
6 Dec 07
Hey friend,
Thanks a milion for your valued response. You really have a point. This girl we have tried to talk to her but she does not listen to anyone. The bf loves her so much but she does not seem to see it.
The man totally deserves to be short in the balls and eyes.
Thanks alot. Happy mylotting.
@angel1118 (21)
• China
7 Dec 07
Well, i guess no person will approve your cousin's action. Because it is affairs about moral. What she had done has hurt other person, her bf and girl friend and all the people around her. To her bf, maybe he can't bear Jane betray,it is hard to imagine what he will do when he catching jane's affaires? Maybe sharp , maybe not. But at least, he has right to choose his future life. Now I will feel great pity for the man's wife, who had two children and has no or less chance to abandon childern, because she is children's mom.I think she is the most seriously hurt part in this affairs.
Why not let jane know more bad things about that sugar daddy, maybe it is infantility that leads jane fell into man's charming. Just give her time and chance to recognize that sugar daddy.
I hope everything will be fine soon!
@rsa101 (38115)
• Philippines
7 Dec 07
Well the most popular advice you can give to her is to stay away from that as she is about to destroy the family that is at the same time their family friend. Just think of how many people around them will she hurt from doing this. First is his BF, then most especially her family and the family she will be destroying by doing this. I am pretty sure this would create an ugly result at all. I hope you could advice her to stop this thing as early as now.
@wisedragon (2325)
• Philippines
7 Dec 07
Well fine if she wants to break up with her boyfriend. It's obvious she doesn't love him, so that relationship is pointless.
As far as the family man goes, she's wrecking that family. She's either setting herself up to be a mistress for the rest of her life, or even if the man divorces to have a family with her, karma is bound to happen and some day her own family will be wrecked.
Oh well, she's 19. You can't expect teenagers to act responsibly. I hope some day she'll come to her senses that there are a lot of UNMARRIED men out there! Perhaps you can help find one for her.
@Zelmarq (12585)
• Cebu City, Philippines
7 Dec 07
Thats a very sad story, and until she realizes that what she is doing is not good then we cannot do anything but pray for her. You can try talking to her about the issue and tell her the consequences of her sin. She may not feel at the moment but she should be reprimanded and this is really for her own good. I hope you can try to find the courage to tell her about this.
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