This is the season for family and friends...can we talk about mothers?

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This holiday season is the third one that my mother will not be sharing it with us because she passed away in April of 2004. When I mentioned it to a friend who hasalso lost both his parents he said.."Not having your Mom around never gets any easier." That comment and a memorial service David and I attended on December 6th to commemorate the murder of 14 women in a Montreal massacre in the late eighties prompted me to post this discussion. These woman were murdered just because they were woman by a man who had a personal vendetta against their gender. No other reason...just because they were women...and acts like these and other abuses of continue in many countries as an accepted cultural norm. I chose not to have children because of some earlier health problems and the nature and demands of our work. With the level of dysfunction David and I see every day we felt it was better to focus attention on assisting others to become healthier so they would be in a position to create safer environments for the children that are already here. You know that 'it takes a village to raise a child' idea. Without involving myself in motherhood I am still in awe of mothers...all those heroines who sacrifice daily out of love for their children. In our society we often give motherhood a lot of lip service. We pat Moms on the head, bring them flowers on special occasions...but as so often happens in all societies throughout the world many women still say, "I am JUST a mother" when asked what they do. Women who choose full-time mothering are often put in a box by their friends and former colleagues and do not garner the same respect that working woman automatically have. In my view the choice to become a mother involves a tremendous level of responsibility because they are raising the planetary citizens of tomorrow. They are in in our early years...and for often far longer influential spiritual teachers. Good mothers create an environment that is stimulating and nurturing, and pass on a sense of responsibility about what it means to be a caring, compassionate human being. They lead by example and have a tremendous impact on the child's sense of self and how they view the world and everyone in it. Before anyone says I am acutely aware that not all mothers function in this way...and abuse and abandonment of children by mothers happens every day in large and small ways. I get that...and am not attempting to idealize motherhood either. However, there are still countless mothers who choose to do it another way and those are the ones I am upholding in this discussion. The situation with my mother and her enabling of my father created our fair share of problems...but when all is said and done I know the depth of her love for me and she did the best she could with the level of awareness she had...and in my experience that is the case with most parents whether they are male of female. Nor is this discussion intended to diminish the role of father's within any family dynamic and I will post that as a separate discussion. After attending that memorial for women who were murdered just because they were women and working with a local women's shelter, missing my own Mom I am in a space to share views on this important topic today. I would love to hear about how you feel about women, their role as mothers and what needs to change within our society to truly create a sense of appreciation for mothers and what the highest percentage of them do in selfless ways. As a woman who is a living testimony to the invaluable life lessons my mother taught me I also remember how my alcoholic father abused her...and me as he tired to drown out and disregard our voices and our needs. I see that same dynamic at the shelter and as the ceremony the presenter said that how we can bring greater peace to the world is by getting men involved in the movement to educate sons, husbands, brothers, fathers and male friends to hold women and mothers in higher regard for who they are and what they do. When, as women we affirm other women and honor the mothers whose shoulders all of us have stood upon we create a sense of unity and equality. One day the daughters of today will one day be standing on the shoulders of women who are striving to bring equality to the world and peace in our troubled times. So...there you go my dissertation on women and mothers...would you be willing to share how you feel about mother whether she is here or on the next realm. Would you be willing to discuss what your relationship with is...or was like? Are you a mother...and if so how do you see yourself in this role? How do you feel about women and their place in changing society's across the globe? What about the men out there...how do you see women...and the role they play as mothers? Do you see women as 'just mothers.' Or do you perceive the valuable contribution they make as something more significant? During this time of year when I am missing my Mom I hope those of you who still have yours appreciate the time you have with them...because once they are gone there is a deeper appreciation of the times you shared...both the great and conflicted ones. I will close by saying to my mother who was born on Christmas day.. "Mom I honor you...and thank you, and every other spiritual teacher who goes by the name of Mother for choosing that role, being who you are and doing what you do. Your legacy lives on in the children you had and raised...and this is one daughter who values all you did to help me become the woman I am today. May all the sons and daughters out there pause for a moment and realize none of us would be here without the woman who choose to carry us for 9 months to give us the gift of life. If you care to share I will look forward to having a conversation about this topic that is, very, very close to my heart. Raia