What if your spouse told you that you have a step son/daughter?

I had a similar situation happen to me, however, it had happened well before I married my now ex. But after 15 years of marriage he decides to 'come clean' what for?? He didn't know where this boy lived, had not stayed in touch in anyway, with the boy or the mother, so why tell me now? Our marriage ended in divorce, but not because of that incident, I must admit it didn't help matters. And my daughter and his son were very upset by this sharing of information. I still haven't ever figured out why he felt the need to tell us, after 15 years and not contact with that child or mother.

The bad part is he knew and the child was being kept at his own parents house and she still didn't know. Why didn't he come forward sooner? This is terrible because she really can't trust him but then she has two kids with him and now another boy who needs a mother. I for one would start with seperate bedrooms. He can sleep on the couch. Was the one night stand while they were married? I should have read the discussion further before jumping to answer but this got under my skin. If it was before they were married it's not as bad, but still he lied for such a long time and now just comes up and says here's another child for you to take care of. And the child is innocent and doesn't desearve more pain after loosing one mother. And her own children are not going to know what to think. I hope they are young enough that it doesn't affect them too much. How old are her Kids? Really the question is how is her husband behaving. He better be apoligizing everyday and kissing her feet. He better give her space if she wants it and do all the right things because if he so much as once tries to turn this on her like it's her fault she should leave asap. I couldn't imagine if this was to happen to me.

That is a non-starter. The best would be to ask them to excuse you. How on earth should they expect you to just accept like that? That would mean there has never been a good understanding between the couple. No love, no trust, no confidence, no relationship. It ends just like that.

I dont know what to say because the child here is involed,but I dont blame her wife If she get angry because its really hurt,maybe she want devorce of what her husband did to her,It is hurt for a lifetime specially if she always see the child.

I think i would be pretty upset. And i would want to know why he didnt say anything before we had got married. After i got all the answers i wanted from him i would probably sit down and think what the best resolution would be. And your right - he could have had more then one one night stand. And as for trusting him, that would be really hard to do. He should have been open and honest about it to begin with. And i think if i was in her position after the shock wore off i would probably be able to forgive him since it happenned before the marriage. Then i would sit down and calmly explain it to the brother and sister.

I don't blame her for wanting a divorce. I would be thinking along the same lines. Where is the trust he should have trusted her from the start. But the bad part is will this new child wonder if they divorced because of them or because of trust issues. This is the main large question I would have to ask. He should have definitely told her from the start. Honesty is the best way. I hope that everything works out for her and her family. I feel for her and her family in this difficult time.

I know it hurt you much & not easy to accept, but if you really love your partner us you loving husband, maybe i will not file for divorce,as you said it long time one night stand, we cannot judge all the people we are going to listen to them first, but if they will do again for 2 or 3 times that time you can decide to file a divorce. it not easy to have a broken family, our hand have a finger but not all the same size me i right. hope the problem of your friend will be ok, hope she will think before she judge his husband. wish her a merry christmas be happy christmas will come only once a year:)

he "forgot" to mention that he had son already maybe he "forgot" to tell he about 3 exwives, being in prison, or whatever its relevant he should raise that son he should have been up front about it from the start maybe it is good grounds for divorce

Dear cartoon4umaniacs, He should have told his wife before marriage. However, past is past. There would have been many factors and reason which would have forced him to withhold the information from his wife. Her wife should consider first how her husband fared with her during the years after her marriage with him. In case she found the answer that he was faithful and honest. She should accept the step-son and lead a happy wife with her husband.

This must be a very challenging trial of your lives as couples. I may be very speechless at once. I don't know what to do with this. But after I thought of it, I will talk to my wife why she hide this secret to me.

What a bad place to be in, I would have a hard time loving a child my husband had as a result of an affair. I know it's not the child's fault, but it would be a constant reminder of the infidelity.

I would simplily ask for my space to absorb the shock first of all . Than come back and say now we must talk and work this situation out not for ourselves but the child that is involved in the mess .

Im not sure what I would think. I would go thrw many mixed emotions. Anger, sorrow, and maybe even a little joy at a baby to play with here and there but I think it would turn the relationship sour in the end and it would be ended..

It is a shock for me when my mother told me that you are my step son. as my friend told me its happened with him i qoute " the mother put the son with his own grandparents and told them my husband is not ready to lookafter my child. now he is in the grandmother's home.

Well....wow....If the one night stand happened WHILE we were married I would have to clock him good and hard for not telling me like we have agreed...THEN I would need some questions answered and THEN I would need a couple of days alone to sort things out in my head without any outside influence....BUT being the type of woman that I am and the fact that I love kids etc etc I would welcome the child into our home.. IF the child was concieved BEFORE my husband and I hooked up or while we were seperated for that yr I would just welcome him/her into the home....BUT I'd want to know why my husband didnt tell me about this other child.. What should your friend do? well thats solely up to her BUT she shouldnt IMO reject this child becuase of what her husband did...The child hasnt done anything wrong...Should your friend get divorced? Well was their marriage on the rocks BEFORE this gift arrived on her doorstep?? If NOT then NO..I think a divorce is just her feeling hurt, confused and angry which in turn IMO would be a hastey mistake (to get the divorce I mean)..I think she needs to take some time to herself and mull over any answers she got from her husband (assuming she's asked him numerous questions), she needs to figure out WHY she considered divorce..is it because of the surprise OR is it becuase their marriage was over before this anyway and this is the "perfect out" for her...Regardless though, jumping to any decision is a mistake..

i dont know what i would do in this situation. but there are kids involved including the one that just popped up. the little boy didnt ask to be born into this situation. and how could the husbands parents go along with this? he also seemed to be passing the raising of this litle boy to everyone else. i would be more piss// at that. i dont think he should be trusted. how are the kids going to react to this? their world is also going to be turned upsidedown. please keep us informed.

I will say that's a very, very disgusting Christmas gift. I would be bugs and very,very angry for days. After several days,I will think this was fact, couldn't alter. I love my family, and the child is harmless. Finally, I will accept the fact. I think the child is harmless and pitiful, and the guy who had a one night stand is blamed. Your friend should punish her husband, prevent similar error,deprive his some right that could let him to guard error. I think she should care for the child. There is a wisdom in China, "if you love him, you should love all of him".