How Far Would You Go?

Oh my... you are in a very difficult situation... have you ever tried having a serious talk with your mother about her attitude?... if not... i hope you will because what is happening is definitely putting a strain in your family life...she is your mother and you feel a certain obligation for her... but remember that you also have an obligation to your own husband and children... Try to talk to her and tell her that her attitude is driving you nuts... and if she doesn't stop... you would have to take some desperate measure... Don't you have other siblings to help you out?...

Have you ever tried to sit down and talk to her or maybe write her a letter on how she is making you feel. Maybe she doesn't realize. If she does realize then she isn't taking your feelings in to consideration and maybe you should tell her that she needs to find somewhere else to go. You can't let someone else make your life miserable especially when you are going out of your way to help them. I do think that if your mother did get her feelings hurt then she would get over it because you are her daughter and if she doesn't then you may be better off without her in your life. I wish you the best.

You know, this is a serious situation, and calls for immediate attention, before it's too late. We also have sort of a similar situation in our house with my grandfather and grandmother. They have the largest room in the house, while three of us are cramped in two very small rooms with all our personal belongings. But they don't care. The food problem is nearly the same here. And because my father had never spoken against their wishes, he can no longer do so without hurting their ego, and they almost throw up tantrums on the slightest hint of protest. There are many, many more such things wwhich they do and which causes us inconvenience. In my opinion, I should say, strike the iron while it's still hot. I know, you love your mother, everybody on this planet does, but that is no excuse for letting her jeopardise your own family life. One day, you bring her for a face-to-face meeting with you and your husband and tell her gently but firmly that her ways are causing you a great deal of inconvenience and you're not being able to carry out your family responsibilities well. Tell her that being your mother, she would obviously want her child to live happily. If so, then she should please co-operate with the remaining members of the house and consider them all to be a part of her own family. Tell her of the joy you all would have if everybody learnt to be content with the things they are getting. You are a human being, not a machine. Tell her that your health is deteriorating because of the mental and physical pressures she's exerting upon you. Lastly, give her a warm hug and tell her that she's the best mom in the world. Why would she want to give her child pain?

I learned a long time ago that it's close to impossible for two women to live in the same household especially if they are mother and daughter! I've been on both ends of it and neither way worked for me and I'm very easy to get along with. My words of advice to you are go about your life the way you are used to and just let her complain. You can't cater to her and shouldn't have to. You're husband is so right....she's in your home and doesn't have a right to be picky. When I was waiting for my disability to go through I had to live in a shelter! She's a very lucky woman to have you and you should find a way to let her know that. Maybe that will wake her up!

It sounds like she is depressed and is taking it out on you, simply because she can. I would put my foot down. I would tell her that I am sorry for her situation (it sounds to me like her disability has cost her independence, and that can be hard to take), but that you still need to live your life. If she is that depressed, suggest she see someone. There are things she can do to help herself, she does not have to continue to suffer. It is great that you want to help your mom, and I would probably have a hard time saying no too, but you can not do it at the expense of yourself and your family. Do something now before it gets to the point of affecting your family and your marriage.

As harsh as this sounds we did say no to our mother.

Sounds like she is terribly frustrated and taking it out on you. Since you say it's a temporary situation, I'd deal with it and once in awhile put her in her place, in a nice way. Ask her where she would be if you didn't let her live with you. Ask her what she wants for dinner if she doesn't like what you made. Ask her if she knows she took your son's bedroom. Maybe you can sit down and talk over all the annoying things that are bothering you. She should be delighted you are letting her live there.

Yes it is a bad situation you're in but you're right she is your mother...you didn't say what kind of disability she has...is she able to do things around the house, cook, clean etc.? If so why don't you ask her to help you with the cooking sometimes and make her feel like she is contributing to the family and maybe she won't be so depressed. And also maybe she won't complain so much about the food if she is allowed to help prepare it. While waiting on my disability to start I had to live with a friend and I know first hand just how hard it can be on both. But my friend did not let me get depressed because I was asked to help with things around the house and when I was able to stand long enough help with the cooking. It did make me feel like I wasn't so useless as I might have felt otherwise. The reason your mom is so depressed may be because she is feeling bad because she is not in control of her own life right now and needs some reassurance that she can still be a productive person even though she is disabled.