adults
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when do you say someone has gone to far?
By bellaofchaos
@bellaofchaos (11538)
United States
December 23, 2007 4:48pm CST
Recently I have been reading some parenting discussions and I have a question for all you parents out there. Have you ever had some random person walk up to you and say something about you telling you child not to do something whe you're shoppping? Would you say that person is stepping out of bonds? So to better understand what I'm talking about here is a scenario. You are at a store with your child looking at what I call nick nacks for your house mostly made of glass. Your child being a child thinks they're pretty and start to play with them. For the sake of argument we will say the child is 4 ... You notice and tell her no. Several minutes later you see her playing agian you tell her No and tell her that you don't want her to get hurt if it brakes and you also tell her if she touches it agian you will tap the top of her hands. (the word tap means exactly that no stinging or pain just tapping.not hitting where there is any audible sound). To make this quicker she does it agian and you tap her hand gently and say no. It is at this point a stranger then procedes to tell you how to parent after no wittnessing any of the process of you telling her no or warning her, what would you do?
3 people like this
6 responses
@UnselfishShellfish (1306)
• United States
23 Dec 07
I for one feel every parent has the right to discipline how they see fit.
Laughing while your little hellion is running through Wal-Mart as you dig for your camera to take a picture of Junior swinging off of a display is not parenting nor is it discipline.
If you want to spank your kid, spank him.
If you want to put him in time out, put him in time out.
No one has the right to tell you how to parent your kid whether it be a 'tap' or a 'spanking.'
But standing there and laughing or ignoring the fact that your little hellion just tripped one person, ran over another, kicked yet another and cursed out a 4th person is not parenting and yes, I'd say something then. And you would not like what I had to say if it was your kid.
2 people like this
@bellaofchaos (11538)
• United States
24 Dec 07
Well, I would never let my hellions run amuke in public heck I don't even let them do that at home. I understand if the parent is not doing anything at all that you might want to say something to the parent about having a shred of decency and keeping there child under control in public, but if the parent is trying to keep the child inline and not hurting the child then I feel the people around have no business in getting involved, Unless the person discipling the child is beating them. I don't mean a simple tap or a small smack that isn't going to kill them but a full on beating that is where i would have to get involved and probably call the cops or security in the place. thank you for you response and have a happy holidays.
1 person likes this
@cynicalandoutspoken (4725)
• United States
24 Dec 07
I would tell the stranger to hang around for a few more minutes and when my 4 yr old breaks the pretty glass knick knack he they can pay for it. If they don't like that suggestion I would tell them to mind their own damn business. There is nothing I hate more then strangers addressing me in public about my kids. I recently took my 5 y r old into a convenience store for something to drink. He got a mountain dew and this woman standing in line looked at me and sai "are you really letting him drink Mt. Dew?" She said it like I was letting him consume gasoline. I said yes I am and then I turned to my son and told him to go pick out 2 Krispy Kreme glazed donuts. I thought this woman was going to have a heart attack!
1 person likes this
@bellaofchaos (11538)
• United States
24 Dec 07
Wow at least she earned your child a few donuts.The kid made out in this situation. I know what you mean Mt.dew is a drink it's not like you were giving him a 2liter and saying chug this and then let me get you a half dozen of sugary treats. I think that if I would have been in the store wittnessing this I would have fallen over from laughing so hard. Why is it that people feel they need to point out what they feel should be the way you parent? I say we dump the in a ravine.
1 person likes this
@bellaofchaos (11538)
• United States
24 Dec 07
Yep as a kid I drank Jolt all the time... Cherry Bomb was my favorite flavor I loved it .. I haven't suffered any adverse reactions from it yet. Have a happy holidays.
1 person likes this
@blueunicorn (2401)
• United States
26 Dec 07
Wow, with so much going "wrong" in the world today I'm surprised anyone would say anything about a kid having soda. I don't give soda to my kids too often, but that is my own choice. I would have done the exact same thing in your situation. That is hilarious!
@SViswan (12051)
• India
25 Dec 07
I haven't had anyone walk up to me and say that and if they did I would certainly think they were out of bounds. It's another thing if I was abusing the child. But from the example you gave, that's not the case.
A tap on the hand with or without witnessing the situation preceding it cannot be termed abuse and it seems to be a normal thing that any parent would do.
If I were the parent, I would ignore the stranger, unless they were giving a full lecture in public. I would then proceed to tell him/her to mind their own business and it's not their business to comment on how I raise my child. I would probably ask them if they had kids of their own...anyone with kids would know that that was normal behaviour on the parent's part!
1 person likes this
@SViswan (12051)
• India
25 Dec 07
I don't lecture about parenting...but once as I was walking by the side of a road where huge trucks pass, I saw a mother walking towards me with a little child (she must have been around 2). She held the child by the hand...but the child was on the side of the road. And to top that, the lady was walking with traffic coming from behind her (no sidewalk). I was terrified seeing all the big vehicles and so I walked up to the lady and asked her to hold the child on her other side. Atleast, the child wouldn't be hit. It was dangerous. I usually cross the road and walk where I can see the vehicles coming so that I can jump away if some crazy driver decides to drink and put other's lives at risk.
1 person likes this
@bellaofchaos (11538)
• United States
25 Dec 07
Yeah I know what you mean I tend to not lecture parents out and about when disciplining their children in the store as long as they aren't getting abused in the store and just a tap and a lecture none of my business. In the case where the parent was waking with the traffic and the child close to the cars I probably would have done the same thing.thank you and have a nice holiday...
1 person likes this
@southernpixie (741)
• United States
24 Dec 07
It would probably depend on my mood lol. If I wasn't too irritated, I would probably just ignore the person like they hadn't said anything to me. But if I was extremely aggravated already, I'd probably tell them to mind their own business. People can be too nosy nowadays. Sure, it's ok to be concerned if the child is getting slapped around, but tapped on the hand?? Come on..it's no one else's business.
@bellaofchaos (11538)
• United States
24 Dec 07
I so totally agree with you more often than not more and more people poke their nose where they have no business. It's like they have nothing better to do than make drama. Thank you for your response and have a happy holidays.
1 person likes this
@asgtswife04 (2475)
• United States
24 Dec 07
Yes, this similar scenerio has happened to me before, and I as nicely as possible try to tell the person that they are not their parent and if they have a problem with me they can really just kiss my butt. You can't go by what others say or think on how you raise your children. Bringing up the whole spanking issue, I believe there are times that spanking is necessary. you can only say no so many times, before some other kind of action needs to be taken. i can remember growing up and getting spanked for pitching a fit in public or doing something wrong and I turned out pretty good, so I think the whole you shouldn't spank your kids is totally out of line. I don't mean beat them or anything, but if you don't discipline your children then in the future you have out of control children who run all over you and do not respect you at all. People do not want to judge my parenting and say anything to me about it when i'm in public. Just not a good idea. LOL! God bless
1 person likes this
@bellaofchaos (11538)
• United States
24 Dec 07
thank you for your input in this discussion. Becuase you raise a very valid point now adays you see so many kids out of control and so disrespectful anymore and when I was a kid if you were disrespectful you were lucky you didn't land your but through a wall. It seems that we have almost lost our right to parent our kids. Anymore you almost need a manual to see what is acceptable in societies point of view .. Have a nice holiday.
1 person likes this
@blueunicorn (2401)
• United States
24 Dec 07
In the scenario you describe I don't think the person should have said anything. Then again, like you say she didn't see that you were already taking care of the situation. I think there are so many parents now days that just let their kids do whatever they want that it is hard NOT to say something sometimes. So, I think in the situation you describe I would try to keep in mind that she DIDN'T see what had already happened and MAY have been trying to be helpful. Hopefully I wouldn't be in a bad mood and I would be able to honestly see it that way. Otherwise I would probably say, "Thanks. I've got it handled" in a not so nice tone. I have to be honest, though. Like I said before, there are so many kids that are not disciplined that I have found myself saying something to kids if there is a safety issue involved or if I think the child may break something.
@bellaofchaos (11538)
• United States
24 Dec 07
Thank you for your response. In the end of the scenario the only thing the woman or man saw was the child getting a tap on the hand. I thought I had made that clear if not I'm sorry. But even if they had witnessed nothing but the child misbehaving and then said something I guess it would depend on what type of mood I was in .. Typically if I can avoid shopping for things that may brake then I never take my kids. But I have on occasion taken them to walmart and went through the isles where they have the candle assessories, I keep a close on them because I worry about every thing that they touch. Have a happy holidays.
1 person likes this
@blueunicorn (2401)
• United States
24 Dec 07
I'm sorry, I was confused. I was thinking it was the other way around for some reason. People should definitely keep their nose out of parenting if the kids are being taken care of. How you choose to discipline your children is totally up to you.
