where does all the excitement goes after marriage.......:))

Who says it is gone? And what is excitment anyway? Excitment might be felt for new things, or things that are seen in a new light or in a new context. Excitement is created by the couple. It is true it is easier to achieve at first and becomes harder as the couple get to know each other, but it does not mean it isn't there. New experiences, new styles, children, gifts and many more factors that are a change in life create new excitement. I try to do something new at least once a week - a new game we play, a new restaurent we visit and many more. Even small things, as small as they might be, might make a big difference that won't let the excitement die.

apsara, i got married in march this year, prior to the marriage i love my wife so much, even to the extent that i want her always, we do everything in common. but now about just nine months after the marriage, i don't like to be with her, i feel she just a friend or a glorified sister and and i don't feel excited staying with her, i keep wondering what had happened to the love i profess before. does it mean there is no true love? it is just nine months and the love is gone, how do i re-activate the love. could this lead to divorce? i am scared. please help................me.

I do agree with you that many find that life before and after marriage are totally different. In my opinion, it is because reality sets in and we forgot about the courtship and romance. No fret, just continue to "fall in love" even after marriage, even with kids hanging around. LOL.

My girlfriend can keep that excitement going on looks thou she is an actress always willing to play a new role and get the audience coming back. Love her. Happy mylotting.

Hi Apsara60, You are right that excitement goes after marriage as there are other things which takes place of excitement in life and that is feeling responsiblity and commitment. One can have excitement only upto the time till you did not know some thing or something is new/ strange for you or there is fear of loosing it. In fact after marriage sincerty and dedication comes in relationship which override excitement. Yes, I do miss that excitement.

I have not marriaged yet,but I have been together with my girlfriend about 4 years abd noe she become my fiance. Because will get married soon,I had also think about the problem you asked for myelf and I got two reasons:(1)is when before married,both you have given your best side to your partner,it could not be long after married;(2)is that you are adapted to the excitement which maybe could shake your heart at all. We must accept the fact that after marry,everyone would become more practical and less romantical.

I dont feel the excitement ends after marriage. Only the craze to have something reduces as one knows the other person is mine and have experienced each other. This is the basic reason that one feels that the excitement is reduced. Actually it would depend on the couple to keep the excitement alive by their acts.

This is true for all relationships, Apsara. Maybe we need to spice things up a bit. Every relationship needs a boost every now and then, but not everyone knows just how to do this so that both partners are happy again. Many relationship are getting stale and eventually breaking up for the lack of little initiative. We need to revitalise relationships from time to time. Trying something different together works wonders. It’s seems simple, but trying something different in our relationship is the best way to overcome a boring time and start anew. "Excitement' would follow just like that. May be we can go out together for a lunch, skipping business lunch for a day. We can give surprise gifts like a recorded CD having our voice (those who can sing can sing her heart out), saying 'I love you', sending flowers to the office and little little moves like that. We can surprise each other by changing our looks. Why not try to be the more exiting couple that you want to be by dressing the part as well? We can try a new look or a new hairstyle. I feel, we should get that out of our heads that once we have had him/her and that's all. It's not like that, we need to impress them periodically. Cooking food for those who do no usually is another great way to revitalise marriages. It seems like the oldest trick in the book, but surely it helps. And most importantly, appreciation, rspect, understanding and giving quality time count like anything. Now, who says, the excitement goes after marraiges?

Excellent Discussion! Apsara, I have seen that many respondents have expressed their opinion that too very interesting opinions. When we start living together for years together as Husbands and wives, we start taking things for granted (which should not be). Everything becomes routine and the relations work on a very set and predictable manner. You see there is law of diminshing returns in 'Economics' and I think that law start applying in the case of excitment towards partners also. When you are new...you always feel excited because you wish to know more and more about the other person...you see 'unpredictable' always makes us excited. The matters or the persons which are predicatable and 'work in set pattern' do not excite us...it is a natural human tendancy. I think...it happens with everybody (I am not an exception) except few who are extra-ordinary couples. Happy New Year to you and your family!

WHile it's true that with time sometimes things seem to kind of warm up a bit instead of feeling really HOT, it doesn't necessarily need to stay that way. According to studies love does go trough different phases and the big excitement of the beginning of a relationship is not even the real thing, it's too clouded by many other things, the newness of the situation, the fact that people are more into showing their best side, etc. etc. etc. Then life happens and things are not always that great, and that's when it's our turn to make them great:) Like everything in life, love , marriage, any relationship needs maintenance work. IF things seem to be dulling a bit.. it's time to spice them up. Do something new of that you haven't done in a long time. Take time to "learn about each other again" - the same way that your marriage didn't stay the same, neither did any of you. YOu have changed, grown - hopefully :) - got different interests and opinions.... YOu might even find you're strangers again :) Find new activities that you enjoy doing together and embrace them as a team. Remember those small things that used to mean so much? Well in time sometimes people forge about them. Bring them back. Want a completely new visual? A new you? Go for it, sometimes it makes a big difference. Stop wondering where the all the excitement has gone and make it happen:) WE all change, and relationships change as well, stationary is not always good, people move in their own directions and it's great when they can move together huh? I've been married for over 20 years and we have had many downs - big downs - and many ups - big ups - and all the rest i between, but one thing I can say, excitement is still pretty much part of our relationship. I still look at my husband and feel that tingling excitement that we had in the beginning. Where does the excitement go? Into our new life hopefully. If we help it along a little bit:) LIke we do with everything in life. Why would marriage be any different?

marriage, like anything that is worth having is hard work. it takes work to keep a marriage exciting. think of different things that you can do with your spouse. i used to miss the excitement, then i left my hubby for 6 months, but since i have been back, my health has deteorated, so i am glad that we have each other. For excitement, we go on dates at least once a month. It doesnt have to be expensive. we go for a walk on the beach, a book store (the kind that you can sit and read) for a date in the winter. use your imagination!

This is why when people ask my boyfriend and me when we are getting married the answer is always "why ruin a good thing?" When your just a couple with no ring, there is always that chance that things could change easily. A few simple words of, I don't want to be with you, and it's done that simply. There is no divorce and paperwork, it's just two people moving on to a new life. So there is so much work just to keep the two people together that you are always doing new and exciting things to keep the relationship fresh. Once you are married, you feel more secure with the piece of paper and the ring. Suddenly, you don't have to try so hard anymore. The paper says you are husband and wife for better or worse (although many people still get divorced).

yeah I agree with you...but now my hubby is not around anymore.

Aww, you are depressing me now :P. I'm getting married in about 8 months, and I couldn't be happier. Everyone seems to say that the excitement disappears after marriage. I think it's the status of marriage. People think that marriage is so final, they are never going to lose that person, that's it so it's easy to just relax. I think most people live like they were single once they get married, and taking the wife/husband for granted. "Hey, he/she married me, that means he/she is there for life, I can stop being Mr./Ms. Romantic now" is what I imagine it must be. I think the excitement can be there, because love last forever right? ;) I will do whatever it takes, not to fall in that mind trap once I am married. I know my future wife needs excitement in her life, and I will take on the responsibility to give it to her.

actually im not agree with you, im a happy married, im living with my husband for how many years now, but still the excitement in there on & on not on & off:) wish merry christmas

Its true, and I think every married couple experience the flow of such thoughts in their mind. I am not married yet, but my girlfriend keeps on showing her concern about the topic and keeps on discussiong this with me always! I think marriage & time, both lick away the excitements from life. Until marriage, we are desperate for our partner, desperate for his/her company, are concernt that he/she stays & deosn't go away etc. These things keep the excitement alive. But after marriage, we know our partner is going to be with us forever, so we are at ease, and dont exhibit the excitement. Also, after marriage we move our air more towards our responsibilities. A combination of all these makes the things to change!

Yes i do agree with you.I donno but yes i had heard about this that all the exitement is there before marriage but when we do get married to the same person we tend to start loosing the excitement.Someway i think it is due to the fact that we satrt to think that he is there always & start taking for granted.We have to find excitement in therelationship.

In my marriage, that excitement went to the 23 year old tramp who is now engaged to my ex. Yeah, I'm bitter...

Dear apsara, Your feeling is right. Many of us experience it but won't reveal it. We live with pseudo social images. Keeping excitement for long, requires some techniques and interests which married couple neglect. For man, good and exciting dress on women creates interest.For woman, nice behaviour from man, he respecting her ideas, keeping some time for her etc,keep her interested in the relationship.But both man and woman requently neglect it. It is because of 'taking the other for granted'.When man behaves that way, woman will be left with no way other than shgaring her feelings with some who habve similar wavelengths in feeling. After all what is life, if there is no longing?

If you truly love the one one you married than their is always some excitement even after mths or years after getting married. For the one you love is the excitement you need