Child Support
By mollyrose
@mollyrose (414)
United States
December 24, 2007 10:24am CST
So I am 9months pregnant and due to deliver my son anyday now however the sperm donor aka my ex-boyfriend doesn't want anyone to know that he is the father and doesn't want to pay child support. He says that he never gave me permission to get pregnant so therefore he isn't responsible. He wants me to lie to welfare and tell them that I don't know who the father is so I can live off of welfare which I think is ridiculous. I mean he works for the government and makes alot of money and drives around in mercedes benz and hobknobs with senators and lawyers. I talked to at least five different lawyers who told me that I should be entitled to at least $1,000 in child support and I am determined to file and get that money because he doesn't want anything to do with our child and therefore I am going to be a single mother and will need to get my own place and provide for my child. However my fear is that he will somehow weasel out of paying child support. He says that his lawyer thinks I should lie to welfare and that if I try to get child support he will have to take custody of our son. I defintely don't want that. I want sole custody of our son and I want to raise him. The sperm donors job requires him to work all the time and leave the state all the time and he is never home. That and he is married (didn't tell me that until I told him I was pregnant) and has an 8 year old kid who he doesn't see. I don't know what to do. He is bullying me and I can't afford a lawyer. What are my rights?
2 people like this
10 responses
@GloomCookieLex (6073)
• United States
24 Dec 07
My suggestions are to: A) Go tell his wife; B) Just drop it and work it out on your own. If he knows lawyers and whatnot, it's not unfathomable that he knows some crooked ones and maybe even judges. If you can't afford a lawyer, much less a good one, he probably could take your kid away.
2 people like this
@marriedman111399 (1207)
• United States
25 Dec 07
I am not sure what your rights are but I think that you should name him as the father. It takes 2 to make a child and he was one of the two. If he is gone all the time with his work and if he does not see his other child I don't think that the courts will give custody to him. I don't think that you should lie to welfare. He makes enough money that he should be able to pay child support. Good luck
1 person likes this
@Debs_place (10520)
• United States
24 Dec 07
You can keep custody, just keep a diary of his activity. Go to the Child Support Collection Unit in your town, they should be able to give you advice. In fact, I would think the welfare people would too.
This guys sounds like a real low life.
1 person likes this
@jrichtback (97)
• United States
24 Dec 07
Ok here is what you need to do, when the child is born (if he is the father) put his name on the birth certificate and than go to deal with dshs, they will get the child support from him. Let them know your concerns about him and how he is threatening you. They can make it where he does not know where you are living and what is going on.
Unfortunately I know this from experience. I had to deal with this with my ex husband. He may try to say its not his child and dshs will do a paternity test to find out. Him and his laywer can not tell you to lie to them. It is against the law and you may end up going to jail and losing your child if you do that.
1 person likes this
@bstinson1989 (588)
• United States
25 Dec 07
Im sure your a very strong woman who can handle things herself. Im sure it sucks to have a kid without a father around. But as you know, you are entitled to money from him, whether it be "forcedly" or volunatarily. Not to be funny or anything, but Judge Mathis, small claims court, can help you out in the beginning. After you win your verdict, take it to criminal court. Sense it is a crime not to support ones child thats under 18. You don't need a lawyer. You can ask the judge if you can defend yourself.
@williamjisir (22819)
• China
26 Dec 07
Hello dear mollyrose. I am happy for you that you will soon deliver your baby and be a mother of a baby. But I am so sorry to know that your ex-boyfriend is not ready to confess that this will be his baby. He is so irresponsible for both you and your to-be-delivered baby. I think that he should be responsible for the living and lodging fee of you both as you will be staying at home for the baby and a lot of money will be needed once the baby is born. Blessed be, my dear friend.
@jormins (1223)
• United States
24 Dec 07
I know if he's paying child support he has right to the child (it wouldn't really be fair otherwise). I would still though. I have a friend who's terrified of her child's father so she lied and now she's dirt poor trying to raise an active child and going crazy.
You're going to need to help. Hopefully the guy is a halfway decent guy and steps up a little. But as long as your not doing Brittany type things you'll always have main custody, you'll just have to allow the father to visit and take him on some weekends I would guess.
1 person likes this
@vawarner918 (7)
• United States
31 Dec 07
Girl please, file for support once the baby is born, if he contests it, take a DNA test, if the baby is his, he will have to pay. No ifs ands or buts about it. Don't go to the Welfare and lie because you could end up with very very little to help support that child. And you will have to let him see the child, you can't have it both ways. But check this out, my friend was in the same boat as you, she lied and said she did not know who the father was and got welfare. The father got married and his wife couldn't have any kids, so guess what they did, sued for custody of my friend's child and because they had a better home and income, they got custody of my friends son!!!
@SixPaulEleven (552)
• United States
16 Jan 08
You have rights for him to support that child, but without going through the courts, you have no case. See if you can hire the public defender. They usually work for free or for very little money. Call your local court clerk's office and find out who it is, explain your case and get the number to the local PD's office. They will usually take on cases such as these for free. That's what they are there for.
Or see if you can work out a payment plan with another lawyer. Most of them charge a flat fee for cases like this and allow you to pay it back over so many months. But if you don't pay it back or skip a payment, they can and will demand that the whole balance be paid in full or you go to jail.
