What Are Your Thoughts When An Online Friend Suddenly Ceases To Be Online?
By Darkwing
@Darkwing (21583)
December 25, 2007 8:52pm CST
Say you've made a few good friends online, and you know they're online for an amount of time, almost every, if not every day of the year... then suddenly, and without warning, one or more ceases to log on, or they lose touch with you. What would your feelings be and how would you go about finding them?
You might have other ways of contacting them, i.e. by text message or phone, or you may have their postal address, but still, after attempting to contact them by these methods, there is no response from them... nothing to set your mind at rest, or otherwise.
What would be your next move in an attempt to find them, to ascertain if they were healthy and still around? Would you be desperate at their absence, concerned, or would you assume that they had reason enough for taking time out and trust that they would come back as soon as they had resolved their problem?
I would be interested in your views on this. :)
10 people like this
17 responses
@hgirlemily (6)
• China
26 Dec 07
power is cut down. Or have some current problem. I met this problem several times when I am chatting with my H friends on a dating community named stdpal.com. But they will go back and send me message a little later.
@Darkwing (21583)
•
26 Dec 07
That's a good possibility Emily but how long would you expect a power cut or internet supply failure to last? How about if it went on for ten days or more? Would you begin to think it may be something else, after all?
Thank you for your helpful response. Brightest Blessings.
@Lakota12 (42600)
• United States
26 Dec 07
well I would do every thing I could to find the person hopeing that we had been close enough to have exchanged email addys. IMS or home phone nos.
and if all failed I guess I would wait and see if they came back. and also be thinking that they may have been banned for there is no way here that I lmow of to find out if they had been baned.
THen I would hate to lose such a friend in that way hugs
1 person likes this
@Lakota12 (42600)
• United States
27 Dec 07
am so glad they turned up and that you were there for them in the time of need . and hope things get better for them very soon . We dont need another suiside in our mists . So keep up the good work and help them get out of their funk. as always hugs and blessings
@Darkwing (21583)
•
27 Dec 07
Unfortunately, it's not that easy, my friend, but I will pull out all the stops to the best of my ability.
They are not here today... signed off yesterday evening at 6.50 and I haven't seen them since, but I'm ever hopeful that with the help of some of my friends, I can find the strength to pull them through.
Brightest Blessings, my dear friend and thank you for caring. xxx
@tammyr (5946)
• Etowah, Tennessee
27 Dec 07
When I first joined mylot I made a friend after a month or so she just left here. I do not know why or anything. I did not have her e-mail so I sent her a pm here. I also left comments on her profile here. I searched for her user name but came up with nothing. I never have heard from her a year later. I still wonder what happened to her. She was so much fun and we became good friends, or at least I thought we did. I still wonder what happened. Perhaps she was banned and it was happening back then I just hadn't been here long enough to see it.
1 person likes this
@Darkwing (21583)
•
28 Dec 07
That's really upsetting, especially if you're in contact elsewhere on the net, like Yahoo IM, or MSN. I have this friend's home address and mobile telephone number too, but they were unable to answer it for a couple of days. Then, they had something to come to terms with, so it dragged into ten days or so. I was really worried, and can imagine how you feel after so long.
My friend and I did speak a couple of days ago, but they've gone quiet again, and again, I'm tearing my heart out, but there's no point in that... I have to be strong, and be here for them, whenever they feel the need to call on me.
Brightest Blessings... I hope your friend resurfaces someday. xx
@Darkwing (21583)
•
30 Dec 07
I have now spoken to my friend a couple of times, and they do have a quite depressing problem, so I've just told them I'm here for them, put a blog in my 360 and told them to take their time, but if ever they feel the need, to either grab me online, or text on my mobile. They are never alone.
That's all I can really do at the moment. I don't want to intrude on their personal thoughts, as I, myself, do like to take time out alone and find myself again when I'm in these situations. So, I want to afford them the same priviledge. All I can do is wait, and hope that they find their way again.
Thank you for your input and Brightest Blessings. x
@tammyr (5946)
• Etowah, Tennessee
30 Dec 07
A friend (online) went on a 2 week trip that turned to 3 weeks we all got worried and hunted her down! LOL She was having PC problems and couldn't get on-line. One person called her and let us all know she was fine. Our little group gave our contact info to this friend so if that happens again, she can call us to find out what is up.
I would continue to try to contact this friend of yours. She may need someone and not realize that you even know she is missing! So call her or e-mail her and tell her you care!
1 person likes this
@MsTickle (25180)
• Australia
1 Jan 08
Your discussion here has pointed out to me how little I know my 'friends'. The most I have is private email addresses and snail mail addresses. My friends are mostly living overseas or interstate so that precludes phone calls for me. I don't have phone numbers for any of my friends.
I've had this happen in a way. Someone who promised faithfully that we would always be friends no matter what, went her own way and stopped communicating. I was hurt, very disappointed, and lonely for a while but I eventually figured out that I actually have no REAL, true blue friends anywhere so I don't expect much anymore. I figure I'm just not good at finding or keeping or being a friend.
I've often thought about leaving a message for my daughter to contact a couple of online friends in the event of something happening to me but she probably wouldn't be bothered and if I think about it...it would be weird to get a message from a stranger saying "I regret to inform you...." I think I'd rather be ignorant.
@Darkwing (21583)
•
2 Jan 08
I think you're underestimating yourself a little here, my friend... and believe me, I'm not calling you "friend" lightly. It's other peoples' losses if they can't see the lovely person that you are inside... I can see it, and I would truly miss you if you suddenly decided not to visit Mylot any more.
In my book, you're an honest, down-to-earth, natural person... there are no frills, and certainly no pretense... that's why I like you. You're always polite and friendly towards me, and I have really come to like you, and call you friend. If you don't understand something which you wish to understand, you will ask. You're not pretentious in any way... a quality which I can do without in a friend. he he.
So, stop doing yourself down, my friend. Look to your inner self. Find what it is that you don't particularly like about yourself, or what you "think" perhaps, that other people don't like about you, and work on it! Be confident, wear a smile, and pass the time of day with everybody you meet, and soon you will find that it's not your personality which is keeping your number of friends low, but your lack of confidence in yourself... don't mind me saying that, but it's just the way I see it. There is a saying... you must love yourself before others will love you. That's true! Try it! :)
Brightest Blessings for 2008, my friend... new beginnings, for a new you! xx
2 people like this
@Darkwing (21583)
•
9 Jan 08
You're most welcome, MsTickle... I speak as I find, and I'm glad you feel that I got it right! ha ha ha
My friend is still a little dejected and depressed but we're looking on the bright side and searching for our fields of gold. All will be well in the end. Thank you for your concern, my dear friend. Brightest Blessings, love and hugs. xx
@Perspectives (7131)
• Canada
5 Jan 08
Greetings to you dear one. This is the first time that we have chatted in 2008 and I hope your new year is starting out well and will continue and end with it being full of joyful, positive, fulfilling outcomes.
This discussion is something David and I have had to learn to handle in the work we do with clients. Our approach to people, pets and most everything that comes and goes in life is this: Everything in life is here for a reason, a season or a lifetime. I have found this principle constantly outworking since becoming a member on Mylot coming on to 8 months ago.
People flow in and out here...sometimes the chatting, sharing and caring is there in an even flow for a period and then people fade away and begin spinning in their own orbits and we lose touch. So it is with the busy lives we lead.
So when posed the question about how others approach situations like the one you describe...my answer is...I let things go. I am increasingly more conscious of how much time and energy I am willing to invest in things and have come to guard my time investments in ways I never did before. Consequently I am finding that being 'uninvested' in things over which I have no control over allows me to have more time for things that I can have an effect on.
It concerns me that you would describe being 'desperate at their absence.' Wow...that is a pretty intense approach to something that may or not be something to be concerned about. So feeling blue and missing them is fine...but if you've done your part to connect and it isn't part of the greater plan right now why nor affirm that everything is working for the highest and greatest good of the all beyond the appearance of things and go back to enjoying the promise of all that is yet to be?
Anyway, that is how I handle things and I am happy to say it give me inner peace. Hope you can find some of that in this dynamic too.
We will keep in touch...love you my soul sister.
Raia
@Darkwing (21583)
•
6 Jan 08
It seems my worries were founded. There is a problem which is depressing my friend quite badly. On the New Moon, I'm about to send my energies, and bless a token which I will then send to them, in the hope I can help them back onto their path. If you'd be willing to join me, and perhaps our other spiritual friend, I would be more than happy. :) I think they need all the help they can get.
By the way, whilst we're on this one, there is good news from the other source we talked about. I'll e-mail you in the next couple of days. I'm feeling a bit rough at the moment and am about to spend a couple of days in bed, so will see you soon my friend.
Welcome home and a Happy New Year to you. I hope you enjoyed your celebrations in Winnipeg. x
@xtinelee (3371)
• Singapore
26 Dec 07
Hmm, I try not to be close with my online friends, and for most of my online friends, I have their handphone numbers, or their email address.. but anyhows, I'm not always someone who likes to keep in touch via online. I like to keep it real. :P
1 person likes this
@maddysmommy (16230)
• United States
27 Dec 07
I think I would try other avenues to try to get in contact with her. I would be worried for sure if she just stopped coming online or responding to my messages. Do you know any of her family members? friends? you can get in contact with? did she give you her home address? drop her a letter perhaps or are you able to visit?
@Darkwing (21583)
•
28 Dec 07
They have been in touch now, Maddysmommy and we've spoken at length about the problem, but that was two days ago, and no reappearance. I'm so worried, but I've sent a text message and stayed constantly online in case I'm needed, but perhaps circumstances prevent contact. All I can do is be here, and pray for them.
Brightest Blessings. x
@whyaskq (7523)
• Singapore
3 Jan 08
You say good friends. For good friends, often I would have my ways and means to go about finding them, even checking the obituary page :P
In worst case when there is no response, I guess the only way is to bombard the email and their phone if not paying a visit to the house unit. If the search is still futile, I take the best remedy for my heart --- he no longer remembers me and I shall keep him at the bottom of my heart.
1 person likes this
@Darkwing (21583)
•
4 Jan 08
Thank you, my friend. I tried several ways of contacting them and eventually, they surfaced. They are quite depressed though and I'm finding it difficult to get through to them.
I guess all I can do is give them time and space, and hope that all turns out well. Brightest Blessings.
2 people like this
@Darkwing (21583)
•
26 Dec 07
Yes, Raydene. I have a good idea about whom you speak too, and the reasons why contact was lost. But, this was totally out of character. Despite the fact that we had each other's e-mail, postal and IM addresses, as well as mobile phone numbers, this person was non responsive, but thanks to the powers that be, they must have seen my pleas and I found them online this morning, very depressed, but still around. My worst fear was erased, and I've had chance to talk to them, and offer my help, which they have accepted.
So... things are not always as bad as they seem, but when that "S" word is mentioned, I am jerked into instant concern mode. I think they are still depressed enough to go that far, but I have the opportunity to offer them hope, faith and trust enough to help them back onto their path. I just needed that chance to show them how much I care. Do you understand that? I'm sure you do. :)
Brightest Blessings my dear, dear friend, in love and in light for a great 2008. xxx
1 person likes this
@aissha (2036)
• India
26 Dec 07
you are right ,i'm comcerned but not desperate abt their well being ,i may think abt them occasionally.... thats it ,if they are so special then i may look for them for on some social networking site,i hv got one ,i'll be happy to find them infact i found one mylot friend there.
1 person likes this
@Darkwing (21583)
•
26 Dec 07
My dear friend, Aissha. You are so sweet. I can report now that I've found this person, and I know why they were absent. They had no means of getting to a computer and they need a good friend. I hope that's me and I can be there for them, through thick and thin. So, things have brightened a little but we're not yet quite out of the woods.
Brightest Blessings, special person, and thank you. xx
@nmhschic2004 (1238)
• United States
27 Dec 07
This has actually happenned to me before. And it very upsetting to me. I talked to this online friend about everything. And i mean everything. If we had problems we talked to one another about it.
But he did tell me that he was leaving. He was in college and plus he was working. He said he just didnt have the time to be online for a while. I was really upset by it because i went to him when i needed to talk.
I always figured that he would come back. But he never did. It just makes me think it was something more then what he said. After all he did say that he would be back.
1 person likes this
@Darkwing (21583)
•
27 Dec 07
Awwwwww... I'm sorry to hear that you lost touch with your friend, but I suppose if he was going to college and work, things have happened that he can't afford the time on the internet any more. I hope one day that he will surprise you and you will have your "soul mate" back again.
In the meantime, my friend returned, but I'm not happy at their state of mind, nor their strength to survive at the moment. They were online for a good part of the day yesterday, possibly because of my discussions... I don't know, but they signed off early yesterday evening, nineteen and a half hours ago, and I'm worried.
I guess there's nothing to do now, but wait, and pray, and send my healing energies to them. Brightest Blessings and thank you for your input.
@chrisundersun (12)
• China
27 Dec 07
i will check up the chatting records and find out whether he is unusual recently.if everything is ok, without any sign he has no contant with me any more,i will concern about him and do my utmost to contact him by ways.If still useless,maybe i will contact someone he mentioned before,or phone his company or neighbor,the premise is i know.
1 person likes this
@Darkwing (21583)
•
27 Dec 07
As fate would have it, I think my friend may have seen my concern in this, or another discussion and they did come online yesterday. However, they were very depressed and I'm not at all happy with the situation. They went offline at 6.50 p.m. yesterday evening and I haven't seen them since, and I'm more than just a little concerned.
Thank you for your input... Brightest Blessings.
@sergedan (767)
• Romania
26 Dec 07
It may be that my friend cut me off.Another possibility is that his PC could be broken, and needs some time to be repaired,or the worst variant ,he has no more internet.
Anyway I wouldn't worry too much in either cases ,ok maybe the first would give me some thought but how can you be sure?
1 person likes this
@Darkwing (21583)
•
26 Dec 07
Hi Sergedan. There was absolutely no way I could be sure about anything... all I could do was seek and hope to find them healthy and safe.
My friend has surfaced again, but as suspected there was something amiss, and their state of mind was not good. However, I found my friend again, and at least now, I feel able to help... I felt so helpless before.
Brightest Blessings my friend, and thank you for your input.
@gabs8513 (48686)
• United Kingdom
29 Dec 07
Well you know me I would worry and to be honest I would try everything but I would also continue to try and contact by Phone
I hope it is not who I think it is
You know that I have sent you a few messages myself before now as I was worried about you
I really do not know what else to say or to suggest
Love and big Hugs xxxx
@gabs8513 (48686)
• United Kingdom
30 Dec 07
That is who I was thinking of
How about you deliver the Gift we have not seen you in a while
And why did you buy me a Gift Sweet you know you did not have to
Love and Hugs to you
I have been very emotional and stressed about things here but I hope things are sorted now as you know my biggest worry is my Kids xxxxxxxxxxx Love you
@Darkwing (21583)
•
1 Jan 08
Guess you have me all sussed out then, huh? lol.
I bought you a gift because whilst shopping, I saw something useful which I though suited you down to the ground. You see... I do think of you quite often. :)
I may well be able to visit sometime early in the New Year, but I'll have to manoevre it so I have at least one day before and one after each weekend, because I now have work. If you want me to hold it back, and you don't mind it being wrapped in Christmas paper then fine, lol. We'll have to see what I can do.
Brightest Blessings for a very happy and more healthy New Year, and love and hugs to all. xxx
@Darkwing (21583)
•
29 Dec 07
I don't know quite who you think it is but the clue, 600 miles away, should help? It's hard... I have to admit, when they are so depressed they feel nobody cares. I do, and whatever happens, I always will. Enough said.
Steering away from that... I hope you had a lovely Christmas. Still holding your gift, but will post it shortly. Love to the kids, Gissi and of course you, my dear friend. xxxxx
1 person likes this
@worthy (2413)
• India
5 Jan 08
you are so right.when we make good friends,they become one of the prime reasons to be online everyday looking forward to fresh interaction as this gives immense satisfaction as good as meeting a real life friend physically.But if suddenly such a friend ceases to be online without any word,firstly I try to wait patiently for a couple of days thinking he or she is unable to log in due to some engagements.but if the absense is for more days,then I start getting worried for my friends safety and health.Ofcourse,I try to dismiss any negative thought and hope against all hopes to see him/her online soon.Most of the times it happens and it cheers me up.But in a couple of cases ,i haven't seen them since more than a year,and silently i pray for them and try to bury my anxiety hoping all's well with them and that they are just not interested to log in to the site.I convince myself that they are fine and safe.:)
@Darkwing (21583)
•
6 Jan 08
Oh, I do so hope you're right about the ones who are missing. I wish I had your discipline! lol.
My friend is safe, but pretty depressed at the moment, but they're back online and talking with me, which is a start, and although I feel for them, I am much happier that they are safe.
Brightest Blessings.
@sid556 (30959)
• United States
26 Dec 07
I have had this happen many times. Often their computer is down or their life is really busy at the time. Of course, in the back of my mind is always the thoughts that I hope they are not going thru a personal crisis or a health issure or that I have in some way unintentionally offended them. I just try not to dwell on it until I hear from them which I usually do eventually.
1 person likes this
@Darkwing (21583)
•
26 Dec 07
Awwwwwww... I'm sorry to hear you've had this problem too, Sid. I know sometimes there are problems with systems going down, viruses, etc etc, but this person was usually able to sort things like that out within at least a day or two. However, this had gone on for at least ten days and I was becoming very concerned. As you say, the personal crisis or health issue kept popping back to the foreground of my mind.
But, they are back, at least some of the time and I've been able to talk with them. They need help and attention and I have to be there for them. I did try not to dwell on it, but you'll know that's not easy as it insists on springing back when you put it to the back of your mind.
Thank you for your input and Brightest Blessings my friend. Take care. x
