When arguing do you give the silent treatment?
@onecutehoneybear (938)
United States
December 27, 2007 9:43am CST
When my hubby and I argue or fight about anything he always gives me the silent treatment. That makes me so mad, I can't stand it when he does that. I want him to yell, scream, verbalize just about anything instead of holding it all in. I know it drives him crazy that I want to talk about the issue instead of leaving it be. I know that once we talk about it the "issue" will be resolved instead of letting it sit and smolder for longer than it really should.
My mom has always done the silent treatment too. She will go and clean house but completely act as if you're not there. My dad on the other hand was the verbal one.
So, my question for you, is are you verbal or do you give the silent treatment and why?
1 person likes this
19 responses
@isikopeacejohn (109)
• Uganda
5 Jan 08
Mmmmh,
Yeah, but may be both.
Silence is good if the one you're to argue with is louder than you; sometimes it saves the person you're to argue with from the climax of your anger.
Sometimes it's not true that the more we speak is the more easy we fill about the prevailing topic; sometimes it makes it worse for both of you, especially if it's not calm.
So what more...
I'll be willing to let you no more if you repliy...
@mom2rottie (620)
•
29 Dec 07
usually i'm not, but there are times when i think it's best to not talk about it. but i don't give the "silent treatment" i think that's pretty immature.
@byfaithonly (10698)
• United States
28 Dec 07
I've never really thought about it until now but after thinking about it a bit I realize for the most part I am both. I start out verbal but when I get to a point that I'm frustrated or not 'winning' then I'll normally slam a door and then go silent. Scarey thing is both my oldest and youngest sons are the same way - my oldest and I have had many door slamming contests over the years, each of us knowing when that door slams it's like the last word, silence will follow and each of us wants to have that last word - SLAM!
@totallyundecided (3190)
• Philippines
1 Jan 08
out of anger, i am the verbal one but when i am trying my best to be calm during incidents like this, i am more of the silent one.
my partner told me once that he hated me for being so silent but i told him that i will only tell him things of what i see is wrong or what i think is wrong because i hindering myself from being violent. not that i don't want to let go of any anger or irritations but when you are at your worst temper, i might say words that aren't pleasant and could worsen the situation.
@Dblabcker2200 (183)
• United States
29 Dec 07
I tend to be the silent type, but when it builds up enough and i burst, i yell and say things i dont mean.
@SViswan (12051)
• India
28 Dec 07
Earlier I would give the silent treatment (being very verbal it was hard for me to do but I thought it was better than yelling). But that didn't work because my husband never noticed it. He thought we were done with the argument while I was still seething!
Now I yell and scream (only when it gets beyond a point). But that doesn't work either because we just yell back and forth and don't talk any sense and we say things we don't mean. Right now, we are on kissing therapy...lol (check my discussions).
@nickventere (1420)
• Zambia
28 Dec 07
I like to take the silent part. I will just watch, with amazement, her antics. When she is tired, then I will throw a line or two that will really get at her.
Sooner than later, she will come to terms with my statement and be real, she will apologise after seeing the sense in mys tatement. You can only win an argument by not participating in it.
@dutchess67 (917)
• United States
28 Dec 07
I believe that the only way to resolve the problem that resulted in an argument is by sitting down like adults and talking about it. The silent treatment is a childish ploy that serves to purpose other than to propagate anger and engaging in avoidance.
It's much healthier to sit down, agree to try really hard not to scream and yell at each other and discuss the issue like grownups.
@KissThis (3003)
• United States
28 Dec 07
When I argue with my husband about anything it seems like it always ends up with my giving him the silent treatment for a day or two. My husband yells when he is frustrated so I tend to tune him out. Neither one of us actually apologize to one another. He waits to see how my mood is and we move on from there. The silent treatment isn't always a bad thing. Its a way for both of us to calm down and take a better look at the whole situation.
@asgtswife04 (2475)
• United States
28 Dec 07
I am guilty of the silent treatment. When my husband and I start to argue, I just shut down and don't wanna talk as to where he wants to talk about everything right then and right there. Drives me crazy. He gets so enraged, so he has to leave for a bit until we both can calmly talk about things. I'm fine with talking things out, but I shut down when the name calling starts and the temper starts. Just how I have always been throughout my past. He's finally figured that out to an extent though and tries his hardest to watch what he says. God bless
@zhwbeast (326)
• China
28 Dec 07
When argue with my fiance,I also give the silent treatment,and I think it would be a better way to this situation.
The time we argue,if we both scream or even fight with each other,there would be impossible to become a result or resolvment at all.Because we both in the rude thoughts and without any consideration for another.You must that time we can not think things carefully,but just pour our sadness or pain endless.
Then if I become silence in the argue,my fiance will also become silence for nobody.When she cool down,I can take the chance to say what I think on the her side,and make her know the difficulty of me.In this way there will come an agreement possible.
@dakotagirl (2)
• United States
27 Dec 07
Nothing would drive me more crazy than the silent treatment! I have to talk out an issue. Sure there are times when you need to cool off and have your own space for an hour or so, but I don't think silence is good for a relationship. I may be on the other end. I talk too much which is also not good at all in a relationship. In the heat of an argument I say things which are often better left unsaid! If only there could be a happy medium.
@ravinskye (8237)
• United States
27 Dec 07
I think I'm a little bit of both. When my husband does something that ticks me off I will want to yell it out and have it be done with, but he usually avoids me and acts like he did nothing wrong. So that makes me mad and I don't talk to him till he's ready to discuss it. But then he still doesn't discuss it so i get even madder till finally i flip out. then he tells me he was giving me space to cool down, even though it was making me worse.
@mensab (4200)
• Philippines
27 Dec 07
there are times that i do a silent treatment to give me time to ponder on the discussion or to give time for the other side to think on what i said. however, most of the time, i speak my mind and drive the point to where it is supposed to hit. i am frank and straighforward. i like it that way when things are clear.
@nickel13 (19)
• United States
27 Dec 07
I have to say I usually verbalize it but sometimes I think being silent is okay. People deal with things n different ways and a lot of times when we argue when we are mad; we say things we don't mean. It can truly make things worse so I have no problem if someone wants to ignore the situation for a little while. What is important though is that you come back to it and really get it all settled (when everyone is calm).
@bstinson1989 (588)
• United States
27 Dec 07
The silent treatment for me seems to always work. There is just something about "not talking" and "not resolving" someones problems that, well, eventually, ends up solving these problems. Sometimes I do get frustrated however when I actually want to sit down and talk ou ta problem, and I end up being the one who recieved the silent treatment.
