I have a problem overreacting, Please help me!

First off sounds like you need to sit down and clear the air with your girlfriend, open up and be totally honest with each other. Secondly, you need to remember that she is not your ex, and it doesn't mean that everyone is going to be like your ex. Trust is important in a relationship, and if not discussed openinly then it can lead to someone getting hurt and the relationship not working. It sounds like that one issue needs to be discussed and then forgotten, otherwise you won't make a success of this relationship.

Well i can see why your g/f might have lied to you in the beginning,not that it is ok to lie, but maybe it was something that at that point in your relationship she was not ready to share, so she lied..As you said it was a big subject, and just maybe she was not planning on this becoming serious like you have stated so she seen no need to just spill her guts to you..Now that it has became a serious relationship she has chosen to open up and tell you the entire truth..That tells me that she is serious and does not want to conceal a lie, so she has opened up to you...I am not saying that she was right, but you know we do not like to tell someone that we do not know real well, and not sure if they are a keeper or not, we tend to conceal our feelings...I do not mean to be rude in any way, but you were in a marriage with someone before that did you wrong, and you have a problem with trust..This issue you are having is not this woman you are with now, its not her fault, it is some baggage that is a carry over from a past relationship..These little second guessings and these things that you always feel that she is lying is a carry over..This is a totally different woman.Do not let your past experience destroy what you have with this woman..Give her a benefit of the doubt, make yourself believe her and try to to drop these past feelings of untrust..You are reading things into this relationship that is not there..Wait until this woman does something before you jump and over react...I have a son that has been in your same situation, and he has blown some good woman because he cannot move on and cannot trust...In order to love someone you have to keep yourself open to be hurt,you are trying to build a wall of protection and you cannot do that.So she lied , well now she cares more, and she had fessed up,so forgive her and move on, quit dwelling on that lie...Just because you have been hurt once does not mean you will be hurt again, and it also does not mean you that you won't..Anytime you are in a relationship you are a target to get hurt but it does not mean that you will..In love you have to take chances , there are no guantees in a relationship...Work on it and you can over come..

It's hard to answer withought knowing what she lied about, but I'll give it a try. The first think that I think you should focus on is the fact that she did tell you once you started to become serious. That is really important. She was honest enough to want to come clean before you moved forward. Maybe she didn't feel that earlier in the relationship is was that important. You said yourself that neither one of you expected it to become so serious. I think you should focus on the fact that she did open up to you eventually. Some things are hard for people to talk about or admit. Sometimes it takes a lot of courage (and TIME) for a person to feel strong enough to open up about something difficult. She was probably scared that you would reject her or again, as I said, if she didn't expect things to become serious, at the beginning it just wasn't something worth sharing. Good luck. It sounds like you truly care about her. Don't let your feelings be tainted by your past experience with your ex. Trust your present relationship unless she gives you a REAL reason not to trust her. Don't waste precious time trying to "catch her" in a lie. Sometimes people just don't tell everything because they are insecure or because they are just waiting for the "right moment". Waiting for the right moment was probably part of it also. Good luck. Take care.

Having trust broken very early on in a relationship has a huge impact, and makes it hard to move on. I would talk to her about it. Let her know that it is still bothering you. Obviously you haven't let it go. Take the steps you need to take now, because if you don't the problem will get worse. If you have trust issues to begin with, it is obviously going to be very hard to let go of this thing that she lied about. In my opinion, trust is one of the most important things in a relationship, and if you don't have it, the relationship has poor chances for survival.

It sounds like you have to first get it definite in your mind if you really believe your gf or not. It may be that you have a reason to still have doubts -- but it is just as likely if not more likely that it is your fear of being hurt again. Ask her more questions if you need to, in order to be certain what you believe about her. Tell her that you are trying to work thru your trust issues, so she won't feel you are badgering her. It might help to know what the lie she told was -- was it something that makes sense to you that someone might lie about to a casual acquaintance as she thought you were going to be? And if you think it did make sense for her to lie at that time, then also consider that she told you the truth -- I'm assuming from what you wrote -- on her own, without being caught in the lie, and as soon as the relationship turned more serious. If that is all correct, then I think it sounds like you got a good one, and just need to work on your trust.

Bro, its normal to for you to entertain such thoughts that somethings your girlfriend tells you are not entirely true. Once in a while in a relationship there comes a point that we doubt the one we are with and so with these doubts that our trusts for each other starts to build. It's only been 4 months right? Why don't you relax and try to grasp the situation in a calmer way. Your girlfriend right now is entirely different from your ex-wife so don't compare the two. If you feel like she's totally lying then tell her right away so that she'd understand. Communication plays a big part in every relationship so we must always communicate in order for things to work out.

Well you have only been together for 4 months which is not long. It takes time to build trust, particularly if you already have baggage from previous relationships. I can understand why your girlfriend didn't tell you the whole truth about the "big subject" right from the outset. You say yourself neither of you thought it was going to get serious so she probably didn't think it would matter at that stage. Most people at the start of a relationship don't tell their partner absolutely everything about themselves. The important thing is that she told you the truth when she realised it was a serious relationship. I know it's easier said than done but you need to put the past with your ex-wife behind you. If you don't, and you continue with suspicion and angry outbursts, then it will badly affect your current relationship.

I think out of all of the response that I read on this post I believe miamilady and thedogshrink have got it!! They are VERY right!! It is VERY personal and VERY FEW know about it!! Past is hard for me and a lot of crying nights and loneliness makes it hard to talk about any of it!!

I can't say moving in with her after 4 months of dating is wrong. My husband of 12 years and I moved in our 1st apartment during the same time. We didn't have any kids between us, but he was married before. His ex ran off and got knocked up. So he had trust issues as well. What your girlfriend should do is remind you that she's not your ex. You should do the same. Also don't hold anything in, it's not good on your health. Just remember if she didn't love you, she wouldn't let you in her home. Especially her home with 3 children. I on the other hand would have to be with a man a long time before I asked him to move in with me and my daughter's. Was this big subject so bad it would cause you to pack your stuff and head west. If not, I say put it aside and move on. Each day say to yourself, she's not my ex, she will never be my ex, she won't treat me like my ex did. Got to remember your not just dating her, she has 3 kids to. If this relationship falls apart, those kids will suffer as well. Honestly in the beginning with the trust issues, I came close to telling my husband, fiance at the time to kiss my butt that this wasn't even worth it. You need to let her know as well, that for this relationship to work, you both have to be up front and honest with each other. No hidden secrets, and when something pops up, neither of you will over react, because if you react to every small thing, she will hide things from you, just so she doesn't have to hear you act like a kid throwing a tantrum. Also if all else fails try counciling.

First and foremost, do not react based on your past experiences. We,as humans - I think like any other animal - are unique in our own ways. Personally, i lvoe to give someone a chance. I do not go for the overused stereotypical expressions such as, "Women!"or "What's it with men?!"because I know everyone has their own misgivings, etc. I usually remind my wife that I am not men, but just me. Anyway, the best other thing to do is to learn to talk with your spouse right when you have issues. Letting things build up inside you is not the best way to deal with matters of a relationship. It is wiser and more rewarding to deal with issues as they come. Taking it calmly is the best complementary medicine. Ï thought you last time you said you never dated Sam, he was just your neighbour"is better than "You are a liar, you used to 'f@$k' that SOB when you were neighbours. I heard it all at the pub, you liar." Just take it easy. we all have lives, and especially, feelings and emotions.

You have every right to feel the way you do and I do not think you are overreacting in the slightest. If you are not getting what you need and want from her, I advise you to think about this relationship. You deserve to be with a woman who respects you as his boyfriend, someone who is truthful and loving, not someone who acts ashamed to admit she is in a relationship with you. Trust your instincts and I wish you luck.

Hey Dblabcker2200. I've been married to the same man for what seems like a thousand years sometimes. I've been fortunate enough to know that he has been completely honest with me throughout our entire relationship. I have no doubts in what he tells me is the truth. It wasn't quite the same way with him and the way he thought about me because like you, he had been lied to tremendously by his ex-wife. Seems like everyone he came in contact with ended up lying to him, until I came along. I was as honest as he was (for the very same reasons), which is what (I think) has kept us together for so long. Sometimes 4 months can seem like forever, especially when you are putting everything you can into the relationship, feeling the other person isn't being as honest as you would like them to be. Ask yourself, Are you questioning everything because you are convinced she going to lie to you again? The reason for the question is, if she ends up lying to you again, then you can be the one who says, "See, I told you I was right". That might sound trivial, but not having the ability to trust anyone for fear of them not telling the truth could be a serious issue backed up by other issues. In this case, your experience with your ex and now, your current relationship. It takes any good relationship a lifetime of mostly sacrifice and forgiveness to develope into something stable and secure. Even then, there are moments when doubt and insecurity will creep in, for no reason. Everyone tells little lies. There is no adequate reason why anyone does it. They just do. Sometimes they are trying to hide the truth that hurts them too much so they tell a lie. Sometimes they are ashamed of the truth and hate the fact that they have to share such a deep issue with someone else. Sometimes they tell a little, insignificant lie and it blossoms into something completely out of control. When we are lied to often enough, we tend to develope a tough skin and begin to doubt everything anyone says. This is certainly not a healthy way to live. If the issues are of no value, and you know someone lies, just let it go. The truth is of little value sometimes. Plus, it's not worth the effort it takes to let someone know you know the truth - UNLESS - it's an issue that really bothers you. If the real issue is just being honest, then it's your duty to her to let her know that the relationship has to based on honesty. Anything less will certainly be reason for the relationship not to progress forward. With all due respect, focus more on your honesty toward her and express how important the honesty in your relationship is with reasons why it is so important. If you can't earn her trust and respect then there's little point in trying to make the relationship work. You are the one in control. Your honesty will be the deciding factor in her ability to trust you enough to be honest with you - if you show her how it's done. Good luck. I wish you all the best in working things out.

A wise saying I learned is that, when you start over you need to burn the previous bridge you built and rather focus on building for the new bridge so that if the previous bridge wasn't strong never will you bring it to the new bridge you are building.That talks a lot of building a strong foundation. In relationship, the strong foundation is actually trust and communication.If partners don't have this, the relationship wouldn't survive the test of time. I think the situation with you and your Gf is a relationship that is uncertain.That was at the beginning, you mentioned.Now that both of you are falling for each other, your relationship should be redefined...Have you talked about commitment yet?It is the road to a trusting and honest relationship.Both of you came from a previous relationship. And in your case the shadow of your ex-wife "lying" is still haunting you and projecting it to your new relationship.You need to resolve the issue with yourself otherwise, it will not be fair for your GF suspecting her of lying to you.Why not be open about it to her so you two can effectively deal with this...It is very good that you're aware of yourself getting angry when you suspect she's lying.For the good of your relationship, you need to talk to her about it so she understand where is that anger coming from.Not all women lies to their partner.Have faith that if true love really fluorish in your relationship, it will conquer all.Even your past, fears and other issues.But if you back out now, then it is not real love.Don't give up...talk to her about it! Goodluck and all the best!

My husband and I are partners in life and business and the one thing we know for sure is that there are a few things that make relationships work and sustainable. ...Without openness there is no trust...and without trust it is hard to have love. So open, authentic communication with a willingness to take emotional risks is critical to establishing the kind of safety that everyone needs. ...An ability to 'get over ourselves' and really listen to each other's position without trying to create the other person into our image of what we think they 'should' be. We are all unique with different perceptions and creating a space for RESPECTFUL DIALOG that is non-accusatory can reduce inner/outer conflicts. ...Finding ways to create EMOTIONAL SAFETY through openness and ability to talk things through without fiery outbursts will foster your growth and allow her to feel safe enough to be open with you too. ...Realizing that none of us are mind readers and it is not up to the other person to understand us...it is our responsibility to make ourselves understood through clear, honest communication based on a respect for differences even when we disagree. ...In your case I would suggest that you try to stop projecting your past hurt on to your present girl friend and maybe find someone who can help you heal the past so you can let it go and move on. There is an Buddhist expression that is a valuable life lesson for all of us...and that is that all our suffering comes from our attachments. You are still attached to your hurt and associations from the past and they will continue to cloud your perception of any future love interest if you do not find a way to release it and move into present time. So those are just a few of my suggestions...I am a life coach and see that conflict resolution involves accountable, emotionally mature thinking where we come to accept that we may be the center of our own Universe in our minds...but loving relationships require a lot of give and take and a tremendous amount of soul searching to figure out what is 'their stuff' and what is 'our stuff.' Sometimes loved ones push our buttons because it is something we are meant to look at and grow beyond. Being willing to stick it out and commit to creating emotional safety..by establishing boundaries and mutual respect is well worth the effort it takes to get there. Through bonded emotional intimacy we learn that love, care and compassion with anyone we trust is a gift that keeps on giving. That I know for sure!!! Good luck...and the fact that you are looking for answers reveals to me that you will probably find them. I sure hope so! Raia