Being a loving sister

I agree with everyone. You did the right thing and respected her wishes. Your brother is grieving and he needs someone to blame to cope. I'm sorry you must both go through this. I can't imagine the pain. Maybe convince your brother to spend some time with you and talk about all the wonderful times the two of you had with your mother.

Hi, I am so sorry about your mother's cancer and passing away. You did the right thing and respected your mother's wishes. My husband passed away 3 weeks ago today from Stage IV Lung Cancer. By the time he was diagnosed, it had already metasticized to his lymph nodes and liver and the bone. Although he did radiation and chemo and responded well to both, he never felt well enough to do anything. My husband was very clear about his wishes. He never wanted to be kept alive if something happened to put him in that state. Two weeks before Christmas, he couldn't breathe and we went to emergency room. Everything spiraled downward from there. He started hallucinating, and his breathing was so bad that he had to be put on a ventilator. Anyone who has ever been thru that knows how terrifying that is. We agreed to the ventilator because it was a temporary fix. It was thought that he just might have pneumonia and it could be treated. A bronchoscopy was performed and both lungs were filled with fluid. Not all could be drained. Lymphatic spread was mentioned but not confirmed. He was sedated all the while he was on the ventilator for 9 days. We had the ventilator taken out, he briefly came out of sedation and there was no hope that he would ever come home again. After further review on our family physican's part, he did confirm that it was lymphatic spread of the lung. The IV fluids were taken out and the following morning he was gone. Our family was not going to keep him alive just for our sakes when there was no hope. It is cruel to keep someone alive just for our sakes. We do not know what they are experiencing. You did right by honoring your mother's wishes and your brother will hopefully come to realize that. If not, that is his problem. Your mother and my husband are not suffering anymore. For that we can Thank God. cdejac

Your brother is being unfair on blaming you,, where is he when it happens he should be with you when things like that happens to your mom and that it will be two of you convincing her to undergo treatment and not only you,, you just respect what your mother 's choice since its on the last stage and that late for many treatment... stop punishing yourself about your brother blaming you...

You shouldn't feel sorry for listening to your mother. I know that many people choose not to treat their cancer because it takes too much time and money from their last moments. Just think that your mother thought about you before she passed away, in herself, she knew how much left she had to live, and chose not to trouble you with high-tech hospitals who charge you with a fortune just so she could live another week in pain. Your brother will soon understand this too, and he will see that even though your mother isn't there for him and yourself, he still has you, and that's the most important thing...

i ddnt think in this situation there is any fault of yours and your brother should not blame you..you were there atleast with your mom at her bad days but your brother he was not there and in return he blaming you..he has something wrong..and even you should not feel wrong or bad... and to handle this situation just dont care to your brother who doesnt know anything..you were there with your mom and handled the situation till which you can...

Just understand that he will have to go through the stages of grief on his own. Anger and denial can take a long time. If you supported your mother and her wishes you did the right thing. Let time handle the rest. Love your brother and let him know you understand the pain he going through.

a lot of people try to blame others for things that can't be easily understood or explained... it is hard for anyone to say what the best option is for another person. my condolences to you & your family...hopefully your brother will be thankful he still has you for a sister