People Who Are Dead Weight
By cblackink
@cblackink (969)
United States
January 1, 2008 8:55pm CST
Most of us have encountered people we love and try to help, but in the end are beyond helping. They just seem to be a constant drag on our time, energy, and resources. They don't really seem to want to change their circumstances or themselves. Tonight I burned a bridge but I really feel OK about it. I have resolved in this new year that I won't allow myself to be leached off anymore like this.
Do any of you feel this way about someone? If you do, tell me. I feel at this point it's just self-preservation, as this person doesn't seem to have a bit of respect for my time or energy. I feel like this person just needs to get a life! Make some friends besides me, start a new hobby, anything.
6 people like this
9 responses
@villageanne (8553)
• United States
2 Jan 08
I have always tried to see the good in everyone. As long as I keep that in mind, I am good but sometimes I get aggervated and I know I should not but I think that my time may be better spent helping someone else. I dont feel this way for long as I will not allow my thoughts to go in that direction. But sometimes the "evil" in me does come out.
@cblackink (969)
• United States
3 Jan 08
I didn't feel evil at all. She's not a bad person, but a person her age should have a clue about some things. She really wasn't a very good friend to me at all, she just saw me as a resource. Any time i spent with her, all she did was talk about herself and her past glories. If I shared anything with her about myself, she immediately turned it around to relate it back to her experiences. A person who really wasn't listening to me. I know she's had a hard life, but haven't we all?
2 people like this
@villageanne (8553)
• United States
3 Jan 08
yes, we have all had our share of trials. I think each of us need someone to really listen to us sometimes. I mean listen with compassion and love.
@baileym11 (887)
• United States
2 Jan 08
Unfortunately I feel that way about a lot of people in my life. The last couple years I have been focused on keeping only the genuine people in my life. The rest I can be pleasant to, but they are not my friends and we both know it. Now that I have a child, cutting these people out is so much more important. Keep up the good work.
1 person likes this
@cblackink (969)
• United States
3 Jan 08
Thanks for your support. I'm single and have no children, so this person seems to think I have all the time and energy available to help her handle her constant, ongoing crises.
@highflyingxangel (9225)
• United States
2 Jan 08
There is someone that really bugs me. They are very draining because it's constantly the same thing over and over again. That, and they are very childish with how they conduct themselves and how they express emotions. It gets old, that and they feel like they are above everything, and that they are perfect and everything else. I'm making some steps to stop the 'hold' they think they have over me this year because I'm tired of it.
1 person likes this
@cblackink (969)
• United States
3 Jan 08
If a relationship isn't mutually beneficial (if you're not gettigns something good from it also), I would evaluate it and maybe drop it. Not recommending that you do that per se, but I had to really re-evaluate this one.
@sid556 (30960)
• United States
3 Jan 08
yes, I pretty much did the same thing on New Year's Eve. My fairly new boyfriend decided to party with his buddies rather than me even tho I had the house to myself which is a rarity and our schedules are such that even time alone is a rarity. He blew me off on Xmas to be with his friends and this was the final straw. It was the first new years eve i've had off in 15 years. I am quite laid back and some people take advantage of that....lots of people do. I am not going to be a doormat for anyone anymore.
1 person likes this
@cblackink (969)
• United States
3 Jan 08
That's not a real boyfriend. I'm sure you could do much better.
@Kashmeresmycat (6369)
• United States
2 Jan 08
Aw, you did the right thing cblackink, and you will feel better about it soon.
I had a friendship I had to give up also some years back. She just wouldn't help herself in the least, would make the same mistakes over and over again. Then, she would come to me moaning and groaning about all her problems and didn't know what to do. All it was, was a sympathy route..just constantly. This went on for about two years and I just let it go. I did my best to help, be there when she needed me, gave her my shoulder to cry on.
It just gets old and I just felt depressed all the time. It is self preservation and at one point in time, you realize this. This is your point......don't feel bad, you'll feel better.
@cblackink (969)
• United States
3 Jan 08
The sympathy route gets old to me, because I'm not one to seek it. It just looks like a power trip, and I told her so. I'm currently unemployed and trying to start an internet business, so because I'm home, she thinks it's OK to ask me to drop everything I'm doing and help her with all her crazy problems.
@JoyfulOne (6232)
• United States
2 Jan 08
I can totally relate to what you're saying. I used to have a girlfriend who was like that, all the other girlfriends used to refer to her as 'the energy vampire' (because she sucked the life out of you, lol) It's a shame that they just do not 'get it.' Sometimes you just have to burn that bridge to preserve your sanity. I've read that friends come into our lives for a season, or a reason. Don't know about you, but this friend taught me that I didn't need to be somebody's doormat just for the sake of friendship, and that friendship should be amiable and not based always (and sometimes only) on another persons constant needs. At least you got out before she gave you a new hobby: basket weaving and head banging (just jokin' lol)
@cblackink (969)
• United States
3 Jan 08
Yep, this lady sucks the very life out of me. And she's my MOTHER'S age! She seems to feel as though she's adopted me as a surrogate daughter, because her only living child is in jail. I've had it. She won't get out and make friends her age, and she seems to think I should drop everything I'm doing at her beck and call. She constantly complains about having no money because she lives on a social security check, yet I've tried to give her information about how she can earn some extra income online. She won't take the time to even try and do it.
Thanks for the encouragement. I felt downright "unchristian" about it, cutting this older person off, but in the end, she was never listening to me or paying attention to my needs. I don't feel as though she was really a friend.
@GardenGerty (160663)
• United States
2 Jan 08
Concerning a friend of this sort, my very wise child told me, "Mom, she never was your friend." and I had to admit that it was true, and my young teen daughter knew better than I did. It is very freeing to know that it is time to cut loose and be free. Happy New Year and good luck.
1 person likes this
@cher913 (25782)
• Canada
2 Jan 08
i know someone like this. she complains and complains about how horrible her life is (she lives with an abusive -so she says- landlord) but she has no money (but she only works one day per week - could she not get out and get another job?)
it seems like all she wants to do is complain.
1 person likes this
