If You Could Do It All Over Again..........

Find a true dream and follow it. I am still lost not knowing what to do with my life. And there lies my many problems. Living a life that I am not a part of. It is like I am living the life of another, because if I have really chosen to live this life for myself, I must have been drunk when I made the choice. lol.

Nothing! Whenever I really think about it, there isn't anything in my life that I would do differently, not even the mistakes. For example; when I finished highschool, I had to oportunity to immediatly attend a business college and get a degree in accounting. Everything was all set up for me to go, all expenses paid through grants and or student loans, though mostly grants which meant that most of it I wouldn't of had to pay back. Well, things happened over the summer, and come the following fall, I did not start classes. I never did get an accounting degree or any other sort of college degree. Sometimes, I think back on that and think, what a mistake. Sometimes I think that if I could do it again, I'd find a way to have went inspite of everything else that was going on in my life back then. But then again; if I had went to that college back then, it would have changed everything in my life that happened from that point on. Some of these changes may have been good, i.e., maybe I'd be able to get better paying jobs; but some changes wouldn't have been so good. Like I would not have met the father of my children, for one. If I had not met him, my children would never have been born. Another example; I've had a very hard life most of the time. I've been abused as a child, I've been abused as an adult. I have even been homeless a few times. None of those things were my fault, they were all do to circumstances which were beyond my control at the time. Sometimes, I think; what if I could have changed any of those things in my life? And sometimes, for a brief moment, I think it would be nice if I could have. However, the hardships I went through have given me a greater ability to understand people and a greater amount of compassion for people. Many of my friends have told me that what they like about me most, is that no matter what sort of hardship they are going through, I usually always have the ability to understand their situation and what they are feeling. I have the compassion and the patience to see them through it and help them to the other side, because I understand. Now if nothing bad had ever happened to me in my own life; I don't think that I would have this ability. It is normal and natural to wonder, "what if?". It is normal and natural to think of how much better your life might have been or might be if only you could go back and change this or that or do this or that differently; but for me, any time I really think about those questions, I realize that I wouldn't change a thing.

There are very few changes I would have made in the way I reacted to certain situations. But on the whole I wouldn't change a thing. That doesn't mean that I had a wonderful life...but it did teach me a lot of precious lessons which I would miss if I had to change anything!

Not a thing actually. All the really bad things in my life that I can think of were completely not my fault (like the abuse I suffered as a child). There was a period of complete out-of-controllness I went through as a preteen and early teenager, but since it was my way of dealing with the abuse, I don't want to think about what I would have been like if I hadn't been through that period. And what if what I changed meant I hadn't been in the right place and time to do things I was really supposed to do? For example, keeping a man from killing his wife and kids... if I hadn't been out of control as a teenager, I wouldn't have been in the place where that happened... and what if no one had saved them then? *shakes her head* I really can't think of any way around living the life I did, without risking either great harm to someone else, or making them not exist (my son for instance). Nope. My life has not been perfect. It's been a huge mess, it's been horrific, it's been scary... but I've also done things that were good for others. So I couldn't say I'd honestly change anything I've done.

Very interesting question. I try to lead a life of no regret. BUt that doesn't mean you can't pick out things you'd do over I suppose. Although, I wouldn't so much as say I would go back and do them over because it would change everything else that came after that, and it would change who I am today (and I like who I am today). So I would say that if I was put into the same situation again today, as I am now, I would try to have learned from past situations to have a better outcome. For example, I got pregnant last year with a guy I just met because well we were stupid one night....and for months I thought about, what have I done? I was supposed to go back to school, I wanted to live abroad and teacher, I wanted to be married first...you have a lot of time on your hands when you're pregnant haha...But, I would never ever ever go back and do it over. I am in love with my baby girl and she is the best thing that has ever happened to me. And I applied to school for this coming September! So I'll get to finish my eduation degree and become a teacher! Ugh what about all those ex boyfriends!!! For a long time I wished I could have never met them. They broke my heart. Put me through torture. BUT...those experiences, whether they be good or bad, have made me who I am today. If I never had my heart broken, I would have never realized what love feels like...and realize that my boyfriend and father of my first baby, loves me, completely. And that is a great feeling, and worth all the "mistakes" I've made in the past.

I would be more daring - take chances, ask a certain person out, have more fun, stand up for myself, tell certain people what I thought of them...etc etc etc I'm trying to be more brave now and do what I want to do. life's too short not to.

"IF" I could do it over again I would make sure that I didn't dip into my savings as much as I did and keep my credit good so that I could help my family more.

I would like to set up a school that educates children in one of the most poorest villages in india

I would have had a lot more fun as a teenager! I was such a scared little mouse that my youth really passed me by. I never drank or danced or dated because I was so hung up on what everyone else would think of me if I did. Then, I was hung up on what people would think of me for NOT doing those things. I really couldn't win! I should have taken more risks and not played safe all the time. After all, life is for living. If you are still young you should grab it with both hands and not be afraid!

I wouldn't change a single thing. I often ask myself this same question. The answer is always the same. Even if I've made a lot of mistakes and caused people close to me a lot of problems, I never regret anything. Because in the end, they lead me to something great. And they have. My sister used to tell me that in life there are paths. We are always at a crossroad. We either turn left, right, go straight or go back. We can't just leave our life at a standstill. We always have to choose. You have to think that maybe if you chose a different route your life would be different. But all in all, I think that every route has something great in the end. The path may be rocky, but it's the destination that matters.

I dont think I would do it all over again. If I didn't go through what I did, I wouldn't be who I am now. Mistakes and experiences make us who we are and knowledge can only help so much. If I were to do it again I would be so preserved because you would know what would happen if you took risks, but thats just me.