Spanking

I have an 11 year old and a 9 month old. With my 11 year old he hasn't been spanked in years I can say. I do believe in spanking however. I think the first time I spanked my older son was when he was about 5 years old. Before that I would do the time out thing, he would have to sit on the staircase facing the kitchen for a while. Or if we were in the park i would first sit him on a bench while everyone else played and if he got in trouble again we would simply leave. That worked until he would do something bad such as hit a kid immediately appologize and then sit himself down. Basically doing what he wanted to do then punishing himself. I am very selective about spanking children. I do not believe that a parent should spank or hit their child when the parent is angry, only because I feel that you may not be able to gauge your behavior. Ie: I once had to intervene with a friend who as she called "spanked" her son who was about 9 y/o he has a bowel problem (something about lacking proper feeling - he never knows when he will go to the bathroom so he wears a pull-up. She wanted him to learn to control it and told him not to wear the pull-ups and on complete accident he went to the bathroom on her sofa. Mind you he didnt poop on the sofa nothing came out through his pants. She jumped on him like he stole from her momma. I came inbetween but the next day the poor kid still have marks. I don't believe that spanking should leave a mark, nor should a spanking be the end all, I think that there should be at least 2 warnings, then an attempt to do something else such as time out or removale from the situation and lastly a pop- and that should be followed by a converstaion. I don't see a smack in the face as spanking, or any closed handed contact, or the use of any items. It should be an open hand to the rear end. Now when it comes to my children. I don't believe in spanking before a child can understand, meaning if you tell your child to do something and they conciously disobey you, a pop on the butt is exceptable. Because they knew what they did was wrong. I do not condone beatings where marks are left. What I do with my older son and will continue to do with my younger son is talk to them. But this doesnt work with every child every time. When I get angry with my older son now, I yell, sometimes threaten a beating, punish and take away things he likes. I leave a pop on the butt for things such as direct disrespect. And that was after him repeatedly calling his grandmother a effing B word. He was about 5 at the time and I kept telling him not to say that ever. I have biffed him off the back of the head in a way to gain his attention when I am speaking to him or when he is out of control. Nothing hard just a tap on the back of the head.

i have a 6 year old and 1 year old and i have never hit them. i have never been a yeller towards my girls either. i dont think that its right to scold a child that young when they dont understand. plus my oldest doesnt like yelling at all.. she says there is no need for it and that we can talk rational. yes this is coming from a 6 year old shes very smart to say the least. my parents never hit me as well they raised their voices a bit but more in a stern manner to get their point across... there is no yelling in this family at all

I do not believe parents should spank their children, and instead Despite its common acceptance, spanking is a less effective strategy than timeout or removal of privileges for reducing undesired behavior in children. In some research spanking may immediately reduce or stop an undesired behavior, its effectiveness decreases with subsequent use. The only way to maintain the initial effect of spanking is to systematically increase the intensity with which it is delivered, which can quickly escalate into abuse. Thus, at best, spanking is only effective when used in selective infrequent situations." there are more effective ways to discipline a child than to inflict pain. However, spanking a child, if it is done correctly, is not harmful to a child and actually is helpful.

I never really had to spank either of my children, but I do remember slapping their hands for getting into things that they were not supposed to and once or twice when they were toddlers swatting their bottoms for acting out, and the issue never happened again after the first swat. But this was when they were less than a year old, and getting into things that potentially could have hurt them. But this was when they were very very little. I always spoke to my children as if they understood everything I said, even when they were little. I tried time out, but I found that it was better to take something away that they enjoyed playing with. Both of my children were taught that there are consequences for bad behavior. Another thing my kids learned as soon as they started school, was that they were expected to get good grades or they would lose privledges. That meant if they got lower than a C, they were not allowed to do activities they enjoyed until their grades had be brought up to my standards. My oldest son was in high school rodeos. Now, the rules they have state that they must be passing at least 4 of 7 classes. Well, my son knew my rule was anything lower than a C in any class he did not do the rodeos. This taught him that he had the responsibility of maintaining his grades and doing his school work or there were consequences. I can only remember being spanked as a child one time, and looking back at it, I deserved it. But it was only the one time. I think the real problem brats are caused by parents who never maintain a standard of controll as parents. I have seen very young, as in a year old, who basically run their house. Because they learned early on that if they threw fits or cried, the would get their way. Jump ahead a few years and these children are Holy Terrors. They dictate what is for dinner. Throw fits (at 3 years old even) when their mother does not put the shoes the want to wear on their feet. Children like these never learned boundries. You don't have to spank your child to have controll. Take away that favorite toy, or do not take them with you when you would usually take them along. Time outs work for some children but not all. And honnestly, don't think it works on a majority of kids. Eventually they figure out that time out isn't so bad, and it becomes like a game to them. Big deal, I have to sit here for 10 minutes. I guess what I am trying to say is you have to do what feels right at the moment. If you catch your child reaching for a hot pan on the stove, slap their hand. That sting is far less damaging than a severe burn from the pan, or worse, pulling a boiling pot of water or grease onto their heads. You have to know what limits you put on it though. Good luck!

I am definitely in favor. Perhaps not for every child, all children are different and all parents are different, but I think almost every child will behave better if there is at least a possibility in their minds that they could be spanked. I was raised by a divorced mom in an urban area, so she had to be strict with me. Punishments given were spanking, grounding, corner time and chores. If I got spanked it was with mom's hand or a wooden ruler on my bare butt. Grounding meant sitting in my room on my bed. I could read, but other than that no privileges of any sort. The punishments weren't easy at all, but they did keep me toeing mom's line and I don't have any resentment at all over any of them.

I am a young mother of a 15 month old. What I do is a "strike out" punishment. If you tell the child to do or not to do something two times the third time he gets a spat, either on the hand or on the rear. Not hard, just enough to get his attention. I think my child is too young yet for time out, but it will be an option when he gets older. I think spanking should be the last option. And even though it works, other options are just as effective.

Never threaten, explain concequences and follow through. Never, never make an idol threat. Kids are smarter than most give them credit for and will use false threats against you in the power struggle game. Never hit in anger, never yell in anger; you are almost certainly going to regret it afterwards. In a split second or two, you can create a negative memory that will live in your child's mind forever. They will not remember why you hit or yelled at them but they will remember the mental and/or physical trauma, and you will be the object of hate and discontent for life. Time out is great for parents. Send yourself to your room and lock the door behind you if there is someone else available to watch the kids for a few minutes. When you've cooled off, come out and discipline your child with reason in whatever manner works for you. The best discipline is to get eye-to-eye with the kids, lower your voice, put a blank, piercing stare on your face and tell them how disappointed you are. The one thing kids hate to do is to disappoint their parents. Pay attention to what they respond to in a positive manner and then use it against them to lead them into doing the right thing through behavior modification. The greatest tool of all is patience, patience, patience. control yourself and manage your own temper and personal behavior, and never miss any moment that lends itself to teach them right vs. wrong. And if all this fails, just know that this too shall pass--you can always move or change the locks when they turn 18. lol