Best friends - but are we?
By arkaf61
@arkaf61 (10881)
Canada
January 5, 2008 6:03pm CST
I have many friends and even more acquaintances. Some friends are still back home, but the friendship stayed and we keep in touch even though the last time I went back home was 16 years ago.
I am lucky to have some very good and close friends. I"m always there for them and I know that they are always there for me.
I make friends easily, but that doesn't necessarily mean that they are close friends.
However some seem to think so.
I'm not sure what it is that I do, or even if there's anything that I do. But some people that I meet seem to think that we're the best friends in the world, something like twin souls...
They call me,invite me over, confide in me, tell me all their dark secrets... don't get me wrong it's not that I don't like them, it's just that I didn't choose to be this close,nor did I do anything special for them to feel that I did.
There's different kinds of friends, and yes I do have the very close kind of friends, but I prefer to choose who I want in that circle.
Did this ever happened to you? Meeting someone that you are ready to accept as a friend, but not necessarily as a close one, and they act like you are your best friend since childhood?
6 people like this
11 responses
@Zelmarq (12607)
• Cebu City, Philippines
6 Jan 08
Yes i have best friends since childhood and they are the friends who are with you through thick and thin, i also have acquaintances and thats just a level where theres really no deep freindship. Deep friendship is felt in the heart and you really can feel who these freinds are.
3 people like this
@arkaf61 (10881)
• Canada
6 Jan 08
Exactly, and sometimes we want it to stay that way. But what happens often to me is that people that I'm meaning to keep as acquaintances seem to think that we are actually very close friends. I do not want to disappoint them but that's nor exactly the level I want to take that friendship.
1 person likes this
@gabs8513 (48686)
• United Kingdom
6 Jan 08
Yes Dear Twin it is always happening to me or should I say it was before I moved
But even now in the Village when I stop and talk to People on the Street they start telling me their Problems and that
But I don't mind either I guess they need someone to talk to and I do not mind listening
Even though it does get very cold sometimes lol in the Winter but like I said I do not mind listening
Love and Hugs Dear Twin
I have not had a reply yet you know what I mean
@arkaf61 (10881)
• Canada
6 Jan 08
LOL we really are twins :):):)
I do not mind listening either, but I have to be honest I end up really knowing more than what I want to. I sometimes wonder if somehow I have sent signals that I wanted the friendship to deepen, but no matter how I look at it, I don't think I did.
Thanks for trying, I still can't get into that place yet, but I am cleaning up my desk so I know I will find the password :)
2 people like this
@raijin (10345)
• Philippines
6 Jan 08
The friends I have hunged up where the one's I have since childhood, I still stick with them and we treat each other with pure respect.
I've been to places (as they say), met new people and made some few acquiantances. Some of them could've been impressed of me or was simply delightened on how I look in life, they do contact me at times and also invites me to spend some time with them. But I also have personal responsibilities, I cannot simply say YES to them. As you've said, they are just friends and not Best friends that I know I can enjoy my time with. Some even think that we're already close, as in best buddies. But I feel sorry for them, for there are times that I still haven't forgotten on the things they did to me (though it was not that bad to the extent). It's just that being with them is not fun, they are different from my childhood friends..
@joey_matthews (8354)
•
6 Jan 08
Yeah.
Most of the time it's those who want something, I mean some cases it's nice but most aren't really after frienship. I really dislike those who think just because someone talks to you, means that they can brag about how many friends they have or shoot off saying "I'm friends with him". During my middle teens I was quite "popular" at school, I had that all the time because I was quite active at playing football (soccer).
Just because a few teams showed interested, everyone was acting like i was their friend and I was supposed to forget that they orginally didn't like me.
A few example... too annoying
~Joey
Waves to arkaf! ~
2 people like this
@joey_matthews (8354)
•
6 Jan 08
Lonely isn't so bad, unless it's over the top.
Most that i've experienced it from didn't have "true" friends, but had many who was just like them. it seems to be a common thing here to fake friendship and live in a bubble.
~Joey
2 people like this
@arkaf61 (10881)
• Canada
6 Jan 08
Yes joey that happens too. People that want to be able to say, oh I know him/her.
Others I wonder if they feel lonenly, or down and need someone to talk to - but I don't always want to go that far in the friendship scale. ANd some things, I really prefer not to know. Still I get that all the time grrr :)
2 people like this
@RowenaTheWitch (947)
• Italy
6 Jan 08
Hi arka!
I don't know how this can be a problem, unless they only pretend they are your best friends just to say "I know her".
When something like this happens to me I'm glad and I try to get closer too, but recently a guy was over gentle with me and it creeped me out LOL
2 people like this
@arkaf61 (10881)
• Canada
8 Jan 08
SOmetimes it feels a bit like a problem because I really don't feel close enough to them to be best friends. They call, and invite me to this and that, and tell me what their doing or not doing, and act as if we're the best friends in the world, but I don't feel that from my side. Sometimes I really don't want to know their secrets - it's a responsibility at times - neither do I want to receive expensive presents or any presents at all - again it brings up some sort of responsibility and closeness that I might not be able/willing to accept.
1 person likes this
@Ohara_1983 (4117)
• Kuwait
6 Jan 08
yup! sometimes it will happen, we can called them friend but not a best best friend, just maybe we share with them but not the same us your best friend.
1 person likes this
@polachicago (18716)
• United States
6 Jan 08
I have few very close friends and many friends in general.
I am not easy to be involved in friendship.
Maybe because I can read people and get their intentions right away....
I can read peoples past and future, not easy for me to deal with it sometimes...and many people are looking for friends to steel energy, like vampire...
I have some friends since childhood, some new...
@tess1960 (2385)
• United States
8 Jan 08
It may be that person is needing a frined like you. She/he may want the types of friendships you have. The person may not feel that making frineds is easy and you were there to accept a friendship. Even though yu may think you did nothing to warrant this you must have. It could just be your personality was the kind the person is attracted too. Be gentle in letting this person down if you chose to do so. You may be the only friend this person has or the only person this person feels comfortable around.
Maybe introducing this person to other people will help.
It will all work itself out.
Just a note, my mother has a 50 year friendship. They have seen each other maybe 4 times in the past 30 years. They have lost track of each other and found each other twice. I envy this friendship as each time they pick up where they left off it is like they never were apart. Not many have this special bond and I am glad my mom has it with her friend. I also envy them there closeness as there are friends from growing up I think of often and really miss. Cherish those long distance frinedships, they really are worth it.
1 person likes this
@arkaf61 (10881)
• Canada
9 Jan 08
YOu make a lot of sense, Tess and I will really consider your words when I find myself in that situation again. I actually concentrated on the fact that I really didn't want that kind of friendship with that person more than understanding why the person was trying to be closer.I'll pay more attention next time.
THanks for your posting.
As for your mom's friendship, I can so understand it. As I said my best friend is still back home. We have been best friends since primary school. We were like twins - inseparable -. But ever since I came here I have seen her no more than 4 times and the last one was 16 years ago. Still we really are close no matter what the distance between us is, and we will always be :)
1 person likes this
@tess1960 (2385)
• United States
9 Jan 08
I'm glad my response made sense to you and that you understood what I was trying to relay.
I am happy for you and your long distance friendship still being intact. I know my mom and Rosalie keep the friendship going through letters, cards, the occasional phone call and now e-mails. About 10 years ago they were able to arrange going on a church travel together at the same time and even managed the same hotel room; to London from the U.S. They had not seen each other then for over 10 years and the youthfullness in her voice (mom)and the awe in her friend was so very apparent upon her return. They have shared so much together and like you it all started in grade school.
@fairyanny (363)
• China
6 Jan 08
I think I will be so glad to have such two or three close friends by my side.And the others,I will be polite to them.When I see them,I simile at them,say hi to them,but I will keep a little distence with them.
1 person likes this
@fairyanny (363)
• China
9 Jan 08
So,it is up to you.Just do what makes you happy and also the others too.Don't hurt anybody else.Once in a while I hurt someone,I regret doing it,but it helps noting.
