Helping Your Children

wow! u have enough stress than to be listening to that crap!! sorry but parents are SUPPOSED to help thier children! theres something that my now hubby told me when we were in school together we were 14 and i was having trouble at home! he told me that parents owe ( in a sence) thier children NOT the other way round! ( WE) didnt ask to be born and when u DECIDE to be a parent that means FOREVER AND FOR ALWAYS AND to be there NO MATTER WHAT! now i can see if they cant help u dont have it whatever.. but to yell at u?!! no way!!:( they still treat u as thier CHILD and no thier GROWN ADULT child - its sad that some still do that - but u as an adult now must tell them that ur under enough stress now and if they arent coming to help u with the baby! - never mind the bills - the baby.. then please dont come over till they can speak to u as an adult or atleast with respect! ( thats JUST ME!) i had to do that at some point with my parents they treated me as tho I owed them because i had a good job AWAY from them - they felt i could and WOULD *float* them when they left thier jobs to move up near me here!:( OH BOY was i livid!! If i were to be a b*&$% about it THEY OWE ME thousands of dollars!! lol lol but i never was one to keep a BILL as my parents did!! I hope u can find some peace and are able to catch up on things! we know all too well what thats like sadly!:( ill be praying something comes throught for u XX

i am a single mom of four children. i am working so hard to give them what they deserve. a good education and food on the table plus a lot of things they want. this is my obligation so i am very happy to give it to them. when the time comes that they are married and have children of their own, i am expecting that they will do the same for their children. i dont want them to feel that i still have an obligation on helping them out. of course i will help, but with bounderies. i will be there to support them and give them advices. you said that when your son starts his own family you will be doing everything to help them start out.... that is a good gesture, all parents want their children to have an easy life, but that wont teach them to do things for themselves. do something for them but dont do everything. well your child is still young, dont think about him settling down. enjoy him while he is young. wink wink

Yes of course, there is no second doubt on this. As it is we Indians are too much attached to our children. We cant imagine our children leaving the nest at least till they get a decent job. And most Indian parents scrape and save for their children’s future… either for education, marriage, starting a business, buying a house whatever. I am doing the same, saving and investing for his higher education so that I can give him the liberty of choosing his career. Even after that, if he or his future family ever needs us in any way, we will always be there in whatever capacity we can. However, we would definitely draw a line if we ever feel that we are being taken undue advantage of. But don’t worry, these are the hard lessons of life and they will surely pass one day, leaving you richer with experience and foresight.

I have always helped my daughter our with finances and she now has grown children of her own but to me the most important part of my response to the phrase "give the shirt of my back" is the word "give". Since my daughter decided to just TAKE when I was ill and leave my finances severely depleted. Now my comfortable retirement is no longer there and my relationship with my daughter and her family is completely estranged. This is all because over the years I was an "easy mark" now I wish when she became an adult and left my home I should have not been so generous.

I realize you might have started this discussion expecting responses from people your own age, but it grabbed my attention because I am much older, with a grown child, and have been caught in situations where people asked me if I was going to help my child. Without knowing too much of the circumstances, I would tend to think from what you wrote that maybe your parents are being a little judgemental toward you and your husband, due to the bills being behind. If that is the case, the thought process of older adults who think they have worked for every penny they ever had might find it hard to turn loose of their hard earned money, even if it is for their children or grandchildren. Knowing what I do now, my advice would be, do the best you can to show them you and your husband can take care of responsibilities on your own. If they see or think you don't need them is when they might step in and offer to help. From someone much older, (me), I always believed I would help our child no matter what - but when I saw her priorities and responsibilities and how she dealt with them - I changed my mind.

Hi, I think that children growing up today all have to learn with the help from their parents and other repsonsible adults around them. Without this help and support they may very well turn out differently to how you hoped they would. They also have to be able to stand on their own two feet. I have three children one of which has left home and has been helped now and again from us she has now turned into a lovely young lady who I will also try to help if she needs it. I feel that children need both help and support and encouragement to be able to sort out some problems for themselves. Sorry for the waffle. michelle

No offence, but I think your parents could be more supportive even if they couldn't help out financially. Yelling at you is not going to make the situation easier. I know what you mean though, it would be nice to feel that you have their support in everything you do. I know with my son I would help out as much as I could in any given situation, if I had the means to help him. Even if it was not financially, in whatever other way I can :0)

i will help my children as long as i am able. age does not mean much to me they are still my kids but i dont get involved in their lives they are grown and on their own they help me more than i can help them but if i had my choice i would always be there for them

My girls are very independent but its a tough world. I have always always helped them out and whats cool is that on a rare occassion, i also am in need of some help and they are right there ready to help and saying that is what family is for.

I will definitely help my children if they need it. I do not want them to grow up and become dependent on others bailing them out of every situation, but I will help them to get their feet any way that I can. Both my parents and my husband's parents have been more than helpful and supportive whenever we needed them and not just financially.

my parents never helped me either. I'm 29 now with three kids. It doesn't help now that i'm several states away. I have been away for 9 years and want to go back. I am still talking to my parents and express my interest in coming back to my home state. Now after all these years they say if I stayed there they could help me more. I would never do that to my kids no matter how away they are. I would do anything for them.