Now What Do I Do?
By citygirl
@citygirl (1080)
Canada
January 9, 2008 4:03pm CST
What a mess I am in now, a while back I posted a post thinking I had found some one who truly loved me. I had known the man for over twenty years. What I didn't know was the man was a full pledge Alcohol, with phyciatric problems , and was a slow learner. I would see him for years after work at my friends restaurant so though I knew him. It turns out that I didn't know him at all. I would stop in on my way home from work to have a coffee with my girlfriend on the way home and I would see him having a beer after work. I though he had one or two beers and went home, so did my girl friend. What we didn't know was that that was only his starting place. I saw him for a couple of months and got to realize that he was a drunk (abet he did go 5 days, at one time and 2 weeks at another with out drinking) he also has a lot of serious mental problems , as well as basically being simple. As in hardly knows how to dial a phone, and can only print his name etc. I ended things with this man when he through a childish fit and ran away while in a big shopping mall. He was having a fit , because he wanted me to go out for New years Eve, and I said okay but you have to dress up a wee bit, like you can't ware work pants, or worn dirty old jeans, he through a fit and ran away like a spoiled kid to get drunk. I knew they that I had to extracate my self from that situation. It is now 16 days and he calls my work, gets into my apt building, (I have had to get out of my home twice as he wouldn't get away from my door or my buzzer) If I go to a public place he turns up there and yells for the whole world to hear that he loves me etc. He doesn't care how embarrassing it is for me , and he has now gotten a lot of people feeling sorry for him and that I am mean. I know I can call the police and they can warn him off, but in a way that makes me feel like a bad parent. If any one can think of a way to stop this with out necisarily having him charge or the police involved , please give me your advise. I tryed to help him first and get him to AA or a treatment centre or what ever but he isn't interested so what can I do? All advise welcome, thanks.
1 person likes this
5 responses
@friend2friends (1636)
• United States
9 Jan 08
CityGirl, no offense. But, you should of realized this the first couple of days when you started dating him, instead of thinking with the harmone factor or being alone yourself.
Solution is very simple. Take care of #1 & family and move on. Do what it takes to have your piece and life back.
Think you can change him?
Not going to happen !!!
Don't make a deal with the devil just to have a companion. The world is full of singles, just put yourself in respeted places to find or be found.
Good luck
@citygirl (1080)
• Canada
9 Jan 08
First there was no hormone factor as I never slept with the man. Simply dated him and spent time with him. Out of the two months I saw him he managed to stay sober three weeks as I said and a lot of the other times he was drunk, I wasn't aware. We weren't living together or any thing and I work full time so would see him two or three times aweek. I wasn't thinking of me being alone, since I am very happy a lone. I am a whole person and not need another to make me whole, but a companion and an adult to do things with is often nice, I would think most adult would agree. I don't want to change him, I found out what he is like and I simply don't want him in my life. I don't want to have to press stalking charges, I just want him to leave me along. I thought I made that clear in my post, sorry if it wasn't clear. I have plenty of friends and don't need to make a deal with the devil for companionship thanks. I was in respected places (so was he for an hour or so in his much bar hopping) I was in a higher class restaurant not a dump and my friends place to boot. I was by no means desperate for a man, as you seem to perhaps be implying, unless I am misunderstand you response. Even garbage can be found is respectable places don't ya know. Thanks for your response.If you actually have any advise on how to get him to stop stalking me with out having to charge him, by all means offer it. If he continues to harrass, he will leave me no alternative but to involve the police, which I would rather not do, but will if I have to. Thanks
@friend2friends (1636)
• United States
9 Jan 08
Hi CityGirl,
No offense. Glad you straigthen me out , on track with you now.
It's hard to shake a stalker, that could develope into a serious problem.
In the old days it was nothing to get coulple of guys to pay a visit to deliver a message to get the point across.
Next time he calls you, tell him he don't stop harrassing you that you will call the police and file stalking charges and follow through with it.
If they guy don't take the warning, a few months in a six by six will sober him up. Who know's that might save his life or someone else's life.
@citygirl (1080)
• Canada
10 Jan 08
I actually have done all of that, But I just hate to have to call the cops because it makes me feel like I am calling the cops on a kid. Being drunk non stop for the last number of weeks has made his mind even more foggy than just the simpleness had. I just feel very mean and would have liked to be able to get him to stop bothering me and perhaps get him help with out getting him in trouble. But it doesn't look like it will happen as he now says he doesn't need help and still won't stop. Thanks for the advise , much appreciated.
@abdulwahab468 (384)
• Pakistan
10 Jan 08
every one takes success. no one owns a drowning boat and leads it. so if u love him, he is the man. u can try to improve upon him, no matter u succeed or not.
otherwise, u have all the options to choose some one better and have fun and no challenge in your lfe....
@citygirl (1080)
• Canada
10 Jan 08
Have you actually read my post. I don't love him as a man, but feel sorry for him almost like a mother. He is not the person for me. He can't be improved he needs help that he won't get. I was asking for advise on how to get him to stop stalking me and leave me alone but thanks anyway.
@NewHeart (528)
• Canada
10 Jan 08
don't want to scare you or add to your problems but have you really thought about what you are saying on here. don't worry about him if you have 3 loving children to look out for. keep them in mind when you see him stalking you or shouting from the roof tops about loving you, he sounds more like he's obsessed with you, think of your kids get this person out of your life for now even if you have to go and get a restraining order. who would look after your kids if this man decides that if he can't have you no one will. when people drink too much they don't think of the problems they cause they just act. hope he doesn't become violent with you, but please no matter what get yourself out of this situation. what you going to do if you do meet a nice man or a male friend and the person gets attacked by your ex friend. will be too late to do anything after the fact, if you can see what I'm trying to tell you. can always find another place to go for meetings with your friends and have a drink or coffee. take care of self and look after your kids first...
@citygirl (1080)
• Canada
10 Jan 08
hi, I guess I wasn't clear enough , I have three kids but they are all grown up. I only have one living at home and she is going to be twenty in a month and goes to college and works, so I have no little ones to worry about. I probably will have to go the route of the police as I have tryed everything else . But being a mother you tend to give people more chances lol. Thanks for your advise.
@squaretile (3778)
• Singapore
10 Jan 08
it sounds like you were nice to this chap, and then it turns out he's unstable.
i have had similar experiences too. I think some people are so starved of affection that they become very clingy when someone is friendly or nice to them.
this person seems really unstable. perhaps you could find a counsellor or something like that to refer him to. perhaps some voluntary organisations could help you. Only if you feel physically threatened then should you call the police.
@citygirl (1080)
• Canada
10 Jan 08
I have tryed all that, even set up an appointment, he didn't go. Got him all the AA info,he said he wanted help, then later says he doesn't need help. He is totally unstable and Idon't know what to do.I had no idea he was a simple as he is or as obsessed, or drank like he does. As I mentioned before I knew him for 20 yearrs but only saw him for maybe half an hour a few days a week while having coffee with my friend who owns the restaurant. (She had no idea either). The amazing thing is I can usually pick a heavy drinker just by looking at them. He can be so drunk that he can[t talk or walk properly and still doesn't have the out word appearces of a drunk. I know the cops are there, and guess I know that is what i will have to do, just feel so mean to do that since half the time he is crying as saying how much he loves me and stuff. thanks for the advise
@good_manners (3)
•
10 Jan 08
pls tell me more....cos i do love to know......you can mail me via my mail address dr_faladepeters207@yahoo.com.
i do love to know more so i can help you.
thanks.
