Does Psychologists REALLY Help Or Do They Keep You Stuck In The Past?
By pyewacket
@pyewacket (43903)
United States
January 9, 2008 8:37pm CST
Okay, now I hope people who are seeing psychologists/psychiatrists or counselors won't jump down my throat about this, especially if they are really benefiting by seeing them...BUT
Yes, there may come a time when we do need outside help, someone "professional" to talk to for whatever troubles us--say if we're going through a really depressive phase in our lives, or maybe we just plain want to understand ourselves better and why we might have continual destructive lifestyles or habits that might have some "root" from our past and maybe we don't recognize what it is that is causing our problems, or heck just plain want to talk to someone outside of our friends or family.
I'm quite familiar with some of the background of many of my friends here at MyLot...some have gone through really horrific episodes in their childhood and yes therapy might be a tremendous help once the person finds the right therapist for themself.
My thought and question is however...does by going to a therapist keep one in the past??
Now many of you who know me, know that I've been dealing with panic disorder with agoraphobia for more years than I would have liked...it's been the single most block and set back to all my life's plans. Thank goodness, I'm nowhere near as bad as when I first developed my problem years ago, as then I was completely housebound due to it--I couldn't even leave my apartment at all, not even to go downstairs to get the mail without freaking out with panic attacks..yup, I was that bad. At that time I was seeing a therapist...one who used the behavioral cognative exposure therapy type of therapy..that is taking me places that might trigger attacks. I did very well with him and became so much better. One thing he DIDN'T do, was have me constantly discuss about my past..he was more interested in the present, how I could overcome my problem, and look toward the future. Sadly, I had to stop my therapy due to finances. A very long stretch of years occurred before I sought therapy help again and started seeing one about two years ago, and mainly since my mother and I were involved with a court case and our lawyer thought our case would look "better" if I was seeing a therapist, when truth be told, that while yes, I still was dealing with my phobia problem, the one that really needed serious help for her emotional/psychological problems was my mother..and heres' the rub..my mother WAS seeing a therapist but in my opinion didn't do diddly squat for her. Long story there and won't get into it.
Anyway, so I was seeing this therapist only because like I said our lawyer at that time when we were going through a court case advised I should. Now in my opinion, a person who has panic disorder with agoraphobia really doesn't benefit by going to a shrink to his office and yak at him...I liked the other, my first therapists approach of taking me out to places to overcome my panic attacks by exposing me to places that might have triggered attacks. If I could have I would have tried to find a therapist like him, and did search around, but there just weren't any therapist available, near me, and took my health insurance (Medicaid)...they all did a sliding scale thing which I just couldn't afford--so in effect I was kind of stuck going to this yutz. And yes, a yutz he was
On July 27, 2007 I dumped him. There were several reasons for it. One I just plain didn't think he was helping me. Two, he kept wanting to push heavy duty medications on me. I've heard about the side effects of some of them, from people who have taken them...and it was like, no thanks. Three, he was kind of insulting my intelligence. After I had been seeing him awhile I was jokingly kidding that I was a night owl vampire...IT WAS A JOKE.. But he, in all seriousness looked me in the eyes and asked.."You don't REALLY think you're a vampire do you?" Okay laugh, I can see the humor now, but I wanted to deck him for asking that stupid question. It turned out they had a patient there that thought he was God...soooo. But no, I'm not a vampire. LOL Then another time, I was talking about my pagan/wiccan beliefs..Dumb question two he asks..."You don't think you can fly on a broom, do you?" Uh, no,..though gee, wouldn't have to worry about gas costs would I if I did?
And number four: I dumped him cause I just plain ran out of things to talk about. And this is where this discussion is leading. You see in my mind, if one is chronically and constantly talking about past events in one's life, ESPECIALLY painful episodes in one's life...doesn't that make one STUCK in the past..always thinking about it, dwelling on it, dredging it up over and over and over again? The past is past..none of us can change it..so why keep talking about it..like ENOUGH already..I mean there just were so many times I wanted to talk about my weirdo mother. And being of an analytical mind myself I didn't hit upon any enormous revelations about myself, my psyche, my problems, etc..I kind of GOT it myself as to the how and why
So...yes, therapists might help..maybe...but do you get my drift? By going to a therapist and to continually dredge up the past, doesn't that keep one living in the past and not go forward?? What have been some of your experiences if you've gone to a therapist..did it help? Or did you think it was a bunch of crock?
13 people like this
28 responses
@cripfemme (7698)
• United States
11 Jan 08
If you feel like seeing a therapist would probably help you it pronably would. For me, the big reason I need to see a therapist(and I'm looking for one), is to deal with my the fact that my friends die on a regular basis, often do to their disabilities or the lack of services available to them. I need someone who doesn't know me to help me deal eith this horrible situation.
@artemis432 (7474)
• Abernathy, Texas
12 Jan 08
I guess she's seen two kinds of therapists already - one that does talk therapy - where you talk about tough things and one that does active things to overcome her anxieties - taking her to places which are triggers. What she's wondering isn't so much whether she should see a therapist but whether therapists that drudge up the past and all the terrible things in current life - which for her isn't so much the problem as her agoraphobia - is really right for all people.
I think for you and your difficult situatin, talking would be helpful. I'm glad you have sought such help.
1 person likes this
@artemis432 (7474)
• Abernathy, Texas
12 Jan 08
And also, does going to one keep one stuck in the past? Which is why I'm a fan of Morita Therapy. Each of us however must follow our own drummer, doing what what our intition tells us.
1 person likes this
@pyewacket (43903)
• United States
13 Jan 08
Yes, cripfemme, I can see how a therapist might help you...to talk things out for the grief you may be feeling about knowing your friends die on a regular basis, as that would be hard for anyone to deal with.
Bingo artemis...you got it...my way of thinking there. I just don't think "talk" therapy is the way to go for people with my particular problem...I mean what was I accomplishing going to an office and talking for an hour, when I could be OUT doing things...in fact that is why I often cancelled my appointments as I genuinely had better things to do...some errand to be out in the world rather than cooped up in an office. I'm starting to read up on the Morita Therapy...some time I hope to get that one book that deals with anxiety issues....
@artemis432 (7474)
• Abernathy, Texas
11 Jan 08
I want to be a counselor/life couch. My focus will be both pattern breaking and Morita therapy. Rather then saying, well I wouldl get off the couch, or get my dream job, or put my toe in the dating pool but when I was young my mom liked my brother better, my dad abused me...etc - you do - kind of like your chosen therapist. Its gets people of their a&& and doing. Its about accepting what is. Seeing what you can control and what you can't and doing without attachment to expectations. If it sounds zen - you're right. Its a Japanese based therapy. It was originallly developed for "anxiety disorders".. Its about doing not whining about what you can't do and how terrible things arr.
Pye don't be angry at this. I adore you thread starters but I seriously need glasses or something. With all your lines together like this the words swim and I find myself skimming - which I totally don't want to do with your posts. Can you break up your posts into paragraphs for different thoughts? I try to remember to do this too. Its just I'm interested in what you have to say, and don't want to lessen the impact by skimming. Don't be mad please! :)
My baby also fell asleep beside me on the bed and the monitor is on the desk beside the bed (the keyboard is on the bed for now - so I'm not really close. I can enlarge it but then it messes up the page.
2 people like this
@artemis432 (7474)
• Abernathy, Texas
14 Jan 08
Many of us 'time travel' enough. Going back to the past and reliving it, how they would do things differently, all the people who've heard them, the terrible breaks they've had. And/or they travel into the future, fantising about the life they WANT to have (I've done this!)
With both of these activities we can forget one important thing - the present - the moment. Living our lives to the fullest NOW.
Hey, if you ever have 25-20 bucks to treat yourself, and I know money is tight for you. Consider Massage Therapy - at a reputable school's clinic. There are so many kinds like ESchalan therapy and such - which actually believes the body holds on to things from the past and thru therapy (all massage really - but especally this one) it can be released. Even as a student, I have seen other students cry during trades as things are released.
And if you get close to the student (the clinic time is at the end of very rigourous months of study/class time) you might also have an in for being the 'client' for their tests up in the classroom - or even spa day test as we learn this somewhat as well (wraps and such). Then you wouldn't have to pay a thing.
Massage Theapy is great for physical ailmanets, aid (along with healthy diet and excercies) in weight loss, and anxiety issues and depression among other things.
Just a suggestion!
@Lakota12 (42600)
• United States
10 Jan 08
The first feller ya had sounds like a very good one to bad ya couldnt keep him.
And yes I was sort of forced to go to one when I was about 16 and I liked him but didnt agree with my evaluation he gave but he would try to work with my on his thoughts of what I was like.
Then they ended up sending me to a clinic which he was one of the Doctors think it had to do with money mom and dad didnt have but one time I went my Doc wasnt there.
And had to see another one.
(At that time I didnt shave my legs) (dont know what this had to do with anything either I just didnt)
He asked me did I have alot of hair all over my body! I felt like he wanted me to show him (I didnt) I just told him not that I paid attention too. and he just kept on about it and asked if this is why I wish I was a boy. Well no I just felt like I would have made a better boy at the time lol.FOr I could do all things they did but better!
I never went back!
But at that time me and my mom had to do a 500 questionaire
and the doc that went over that asked me was I sure I was my moms we think so different then and now. and I always knew we didnt think alike! didnt have to have someone tell me that.
and yup they had me on nerve pills huh! they didnt work so I stopped them.
I am just wired to be impulsive lol.
and I can never plan any thing ahead of time most times dont work for me. I have to be spontianous.
If I do things on the spur of the moment they work out better for me.
And I think most of them are just there to make the money and reall dont care to cure you if they can keep raking it in!
and then there is always that rare one that does help people. but hard to find.
From then on I dealt with what ever came up and let it go .
1 person likes this
@GardenGerty (160663)
• United States
13 Jan 08
I think it is good you listened to your warning bells, he sounds creepy and perverted. Overly intersted in young girls' bodies. I think after awhile we do know ourselves.
@Lakota12 (42600)
• United States
11 Jan 08
his questions had nothing to do with any thing but he made me feel I cant think of the word but that weird feeling ya get when something just dont ring right I got out of there fast as I could it was like a warning bell going off in my head!.
Wonder ya didnt tell him to hush lololol
BUt at least it relaxed ya in the first place!
2 people like this
@pyewacket (43903)
• United States
11 Jan 08
Gee that therapist who kept asking those questions about your body hair sounded real nervy--like what did really have to do with anything? I think sometimes therapists put more "meaning" into something that just isn't really there. And asking if you were your moms--that was rude too. Heavens, my mother and I were complete opposites too but that really didn't mean anything now did it?
Yes, that first therapist was very good and it was a shame I couldn't have continued seeing him. Want to hear a funny story about him? Now when I first saw him I was completely housebound...he made home visits..Now my mother and I kind of gave him a nickname...."gabby gut" He was one of those non-stop talkers...LOL. Well when I first began seeing him, his constant yakking kind of calmed me down from my anxiety and took my mind off of it. But I guess a sign that I was getting better is because after awhile his non-stop talking drove me nuts...it was all I could do to say "SHUT UP already..heheee
@vanities (11395)
• Davao, Philippines
11 Jan 08
no i havent gone to a therapist in my life..but basing on your experience then i can tell that some therapist have different approaches in dealing with their patients...it so happen that the one that you are seeing now (and dumped lately) was different from the other one(what i mean is the method they applied)..its true and i agree with you our past must be dealt with and then forgotten to heal and start a new one..
2 people like this
@pyewacket (43903)
• United States
11 Jan 08
My first therapist was so much better..he couldn't have cared in the least what had happened in my past but concentrated on the present and how to move forward in my life. It'd be different if I had had a truly traumatic childhood to discuss the past but I didn't, so what good was that with the second therapist?
1 person likes this
@zigzagbuddha (4601)
• United States
10 Jan 08
It's a crock of sh1t that so many people buy into it makes my head spin. On the other hand what are their options???
I say if you're into dwelling on the past at least dwell on your pleasant memories. If you replay them enough times you will start to feel better, the same way replaying bad memories makes you feel bad.
1 person likes this
@pyewacket (43903)
• United States
10 Jan 08
That's why I'm not too keen about the therapy thing...the shrinks want to hear all the negative stuff one has gone through in one's life...so keep rehashing it...gee no wonder people will still stay depressed by remembering all the bad garbage in their lives
1 person likes this
@zigzagbuddha (4601)
• United States
10 Jan 08
I was just remembering a psychiatrist I was seeing once when I was in my 20's. He sat at a HUGE desk and would pull out the bottom drawer and prop his feet on it while puffing on a pipe, trying to look comfortable, intelligent and dignified. Every thing I said to him he asked "And how do you feel about that?" or "How does that make you feel?" I finally told him "I feel like I would be better off resolving this on my own... bye".
1 person likes this
@pyewacket (43903)
• United States
10 Jan 08
Yup--shrinks just love to psycho-analyze every friggin word you say--geez they want to analyze why you say "hello"
And if you really want to hear something funny..the day I told my shrink that I just plain didn't think he was helping me...well, you'd think I'D be the one uncomfortable, but nope..talk about body language...he was squirming like he was really uncomfortable that I was telling him off.
1 person likes this
@Adoniah (7513)
• United States
11 Jan 08
What you say makes a lot of sense but mostly because you ran into a real idiot. You do know, that a lot of people go into psychiatry because, either someone in their family was nuts or they themselves have a problem. I think you ran into the latter. You know that all shrinks are not bad because the first one that you went to did you a lot of good. It is just that the ones that take medicaid are usually lousy because they do not respect the poor anymore than anyone else does. Its a rude world out there.
Psychiatry can and does help, if you get a good therapist. It can do much harm if you get a bad one. You seem to be able to tell the difference so I doubt anyone will be able to harm you, but I think you still would benefit by a good therapist. I hope you are lucky enough to find one.
Shalom~Adoniah
2 people like this
@pyewacket (43903)
• United States
11 Jan 08
Oh yup--he was a real idiot...LOL. This was a clinic too, with many therapists and he was "assigned" to me, so it wasn't like I chose him specifically...It came as an eye-opener the day I dumped him, as I asked him could I just simply switch to a different therapist who might be better qualified..I didn't know that he actually was the BOSS man, the head honcho and according to him HE was the best qualified to help me--so if he really was the best qualified, then the rest would have been worse?? Yikes
1 person likes this
@SViswan (12051)
• India
10 Jan 08
I've been to a therapist once and it worked out for me. Of course, I had to pull up my past and all that stuff...but the therapist actually helped me to put it behind me and get one with my life. But come to think of it, I feel that I probably would have done it on my own anyways...without wasting my time and money.
I suppose it also depends on the kind of people that the therapist is working with and how good the therapist is. It's like a doctor or any other profession...there are the ones who are good at their jobs and some who aren't...you take your pick. Some people might be unlucky and get all the wrong therapists!
Like I said..it worked for me...could have probably done it without their help (maybe I couldn't have...I don't know)....but that doesn't mean I would run to a therapist everytime.
1 person likes this
@SViswan (12051)
• India
11 Jan 08
lol...so you can very well imagine how the rest of the therapists were.
But personally if you ask me, I don't see any point in wasting time and energy if you really don't have a problem that needs a therapist. It's all in the mind, you see. And you seem to know exactly what you want. Maybe it's only me (I'm not sure)...but I find that I am able to put aside a lot of things that have happened in my life and could have influenced me in some way or the other and get on with my life the way I want to. It's easy for me to say 'Oh! I did that because this happened in my past' but it takes some work to say 'Oh well...I made a mistake or something happened that I couldn't control and I've learnt from it and I'm going to be careful in future'. It's all in the mind!
1 person likes this
@pyewacket (43903)
• United States
10 Jan 08
Well, before I ditched my therapist for good, I asked him if there was anyone else in the system..it was a clinic with a lot of therapists there, if I could switch and try another therapist, one that might be better qualified to help me...I didn't know it at the time but he was the main honcho there...the BIG guy, the boss. He actually told me that he was the best they had there and most qualified to help me..that clinched it for me to stop seeing him--Him the Best???
@gabs8513 (48686)
• United Kingdom
11 Jan 08
I will make this short and sweet
They can only help if you let them and if you want them to
If your Mind has locked it so deep and you do not want to let go then no they do not help
They tried Counselling on me 4 years ago about the Rape I suffered for 2 years as a Child
It did not work as I did not want to remember I did not want to talk it was giving me Nightmares and reliving it all I was not able to handle that so I stopped
And of course you need someone that is understanding and that is not trying to push Medication on you
The Medication does not solve the Problem
The Counsellor I had she was good but I could not bring myself to relive it all
So I would say it only helps if both parties are dedicated to it which I wasn't
I rather leave it buried then relive those 2 years
@pyewacket (43903)
• United States
13 Jan 08
I found my first therapist fantastic cause at least he was helping me to get out in the world...remember at that particular point I was completely housebound...also he WASN'T interested in past events and didn't believe dwelling on past events helped ...he believed in the attitude, what's going on in your life NOW...how do you see yourself now and for the future. My second therapist, the putz, never made any game plans for me to overcome my problem. I think after the first few sessions he should have done that...I was seeing him for almost a full year, and I just had no progress--so what help was that for me? Also I in no way had any serious traumatic events occur in my life...not like you...but the therapist wanted me to continue to talk about my past making me feel as though I did have a horrible past...yeesh
@GardenGerty (160663)
• United States
13 Jan 08
Wow, a very informative post. I have learned more about you. As I read the topic, my first thought was, "depends on the therapy" and you confirmed what i was going to say about cognitive behavioral therapy for panic attacks. It is too bad that things that are really good for us often are priced clear out of reach. I also want to thank you for voicing some of what I have often pondered in my mind. I have read several places that for some types of mood disorders and behavioral disorders, having a close friend to talk to is as therapeutic, or more so than a professional therapist. There are programs based on this principle. One that comes to mind is called Compeer, I believe. For me, myLot was terribly therapeutic, at a time when I was feeling very overwhelmed. I would state that it saved my sanity at that time. I guess people who feel they are really helped should continue what they are doing, but others should be wise, as you are.
1 person likes this
@pyewacket (43903)
• United States
13 Jan 08
One thing that has helped me tremendously were those tapes by Lucinda Bassett "Attacking Anxiety" the great thing about them too, one can listen to them over and over again, and she even has a discussion forum on her website to get connected with others with the same problem. I no longer have panic attacks (thank god!)...mine is really more at a generalized anxiety level..I still have far to go, I mean don't think I'm quite ready to book a flight to Europe (wouldn't have the money anyway..LOL)--I'm going to look up that Compeer...you got me curious :)
@kitchenwitchoftupper (2290)
• United States
10 Jan 08
Pyewacket, A plus rating for you having the courage to come to this forum with this discussion!
You have most certainly had your share of crappy therapists!
I am in total understanding of what you are saying. When my son transitioned in a car accident I became a recluse also. I did manage to go to work for about 3 years but it was a horrid experience, especially since I worked in a Mental Health Facility. The sad thing about working in that field is that the workers in most of them are not provided with any kind of mental health treatment when it is needed. But...I had formed many friends and those friends were more than ready to offer free assistance to me. One of them was a psychiatrist who I credit with saving my life. At that time, when I entered into any room, the first thing that I would do was to visually scan it and look for the closest place that I could hide if necessary. This sweet and gentle doctor would counsel me while I sat bundled in a ball underneath his desk. He did prescribe medications that I was more than happy to take since I was in such bad shape and I knew that I had to be able to function at work. I was also seeing one of the therapists twice a week at no cost. You always hear that "guilt" is one of the stages of grief. My guilt stemmed from the fact that one of my gifts is that of an empath. The accident he was in took place at a time when I was still awake and the emergency vehicles would have gone right by my house with the sirens on. I have always read that mothers "know" when something is wrong with their children. I had gone to bed and had been laughing about something silly with my partner while he lay in the car with his chest crushed and unable to breathe - and I knew or felt nothing! This particular therapist helped me to deal with that.
Then the Agency found out that I was seeing these two people and the administration was so very angry. I was using up "billable" time (even though they were seeing me after work hours).
The next series of events took place over several years. It was one therapist or counselor after another - and always starting back at the beginning, to the point that I was becoming desensitized to the telling of the story.
I did finally find the "right" fit for me. She did not need to go all the way back. On my first visit I told her about all of the others, I made it clear that this was not really a counseling session but more of an interview session for both of us. I explained exactly what I needed and asked if she was willing and able to provide me with that. We set goals and a time for achieving those goals. When they were met, I was released with the option to come back any time that I felt it was necessary. During my treatment there were "field trips" of a sort. We would go to the mall and stay a bit longer or do a bit more each time. We would go to Barnes and Noble and browse or actually sit and have coffee.
There are some good therapists and counselors out there Pyewacket and I urge you to keep trying. I don't know how your insurance works. You may not be able to physically go into several offices and "interview" the therapist/counselor but you can have a list of questions that you want answered and:
1. Call their office and explain your wants/needs to the receptionist and ask if a message for the therapist/counselor can be left to call you back.
2. Talk to your friends and see if they can recommend anyone. While they may have not seen someone themselves, perhaps they know someone that has. If they have maybe they can call them and ask about there experience and then let you know who the therapist/counselor was and the outcome.
3. Do some online research. Look up the therapist or counselor you are thinking about. I can't remember how to get the information right now (it is late and my mind is faltering), but there is a way that you can find out reviews if anyone has done one. You can also find out if anyone has reported them or if they have been sited for any kind of misconduct.
I hope this helps you in some way. Please don't give up. It's not a bunch of crock. You will be held close to my heart. Please keep us updated on your progress. ~Donna
1 person likes this
@pyewacket (43903)
• United States
11 Jan 08
Well only that second therapist was crappy--LOL
I'm glad you were able to get the help you needed, when you needed it and to help you deal with the agonizing guilt you must have felt at that time. That one therapist sounded ideal that you found, and you had a lot of gumption to tel her right off the bat what you expected and wanted from your therapy with her..most people wouldn't do that..so like I said that took real gumption
As for me finding a new therapist. As I mentioned the only reason I wound up with that second putz...It's a therapy clinic, so there are a number of therapist there...not just him. The place was within walking distance which made it convenient for me. One of my friends had recommended her therapist at another place and from the way she spoke about him, he sounded great, but when I went there they didn't take my insurance
So anyway, not only was this place close to me, but they did take my insurance..Medicaid.
Prior to going to this place though I had already done extensive searches for therapist..both by simply looking through the phone book and yes, on-line searches and targeted ones that could help my exact problem....most were too far for me to go to anyway---I don't drive or have a car, and not up to traveling public transportation YET...Also, same thing..none take Medicaid. They do a similar thing that my first therapist did...that is sliding scale. Now when I saw my first therapist, he charged $75 per session and it was actually more than an hour as he would drive me around and take me to places--so really not a bad deal considering....Well if I got a new therapist like him at $75. per session on a weekly basis that would be $300 per month...I only get $724 SSI disability--uh, don't think so
@pyewacket (43903)
• United States
11 Jan 08
OH PS--I asked the putz therapist if I could simply switch therapists at that clinic who might be better qualified to help me...Believe it or not he was the boss guy, the main honcho and he told me he was the best suited to help me...I thought to myself if that's the case I'm doomed...LOL
@kitchenwitchoftupper (2290)
• United States
11 Jan 08
Okay then, I have one more suggestion. Since you are in a group practice, please find out if they offer group counseling sessions. If they do, that may be something that would benefit you. Often peers will be able to spark something even better than the most trained professional. Also, these sessions may be run by more than one of the counselors or therapists. I am wishing you the very best ~Donna
1 person likes this
@byfaithonly (10698)
• United States
11 Jan 08
Over the years I've been to a variety of 'shrinks' - some have helped and some where a waste of my time in my opinion. I think the key to being a 'good' one is that they help you deal with the problem and then help you move forward or 'cut you loose'.
I agree, to keep rehashing the same thing over and over accomplishes nothing and would just keep a person in the past - one I saw did that and I ended up walking out in the middle of a session. How many times and different ways can a person say they were abused mentally, physically, and sexually by their father? It took me a few years to get up the nerve to try it again after that one but the next one was great - Ok, this is the problem now what are we going to do about it and we never discussed the abuse again - just what I could/should do with my life the way I was. I only saw that one for about 3 months but felt like a whole new person and felt that one did do me a lot of good.
@pyewacket (43903)
• United States
13 Jan 08
My therapist, the second one, the putz (LOL) never did any kind of game plan on how to help me move on...I mean in my opinion after the first few sessions he should have done something to help me move forward....I was seeing him for nearly a year and I was still "stuck" and not going anywhere. Ironically when I was going through my most stressful time during 2006 and maybe probably could have used someone in the professional line to talk to, I WASN'T seeing a therapist and did fantastic....I'm glad you had the "nerve" to walk out of the one therapist's office...didn't sound like he was doing you any good either by dwelling on the past
@ElicBxn (63594)
• United States
10 Jan 08
I have seen several different coucilor, over several different times in my life for depression. I first saw one in 9th grade - I was 13/14.
I've seen many since then. I've even seen a "shrink" for the problem. I have gone on antidepressents, and they did help, all though I've got to say that getting out of that sh*tty job helped even more!
NOTHING in my past, except for the rape attempt in college, has ever sent me to the doctor/coucillor. And then it was because I couldn't stand to be touched by anyone except my mother & my sister for months after the attempt.
I have had to talk to them about things going on at the time I went to see them, I discovered that part of my depression was the fact that the roommate that I had for nearly 30 years had become emotionally dependent & physically disabled & was just driving me NUTZ! I had to ask her to leave because I couldn't live with her behavior any more. I still see her and am still friends, but I couldn't live with her any more. She has changed so radically from where she was when we met.
Having said all that, I doubt that the kind of "yutz" that you had would definately not help me because I KNOW all his tricks. I can talk that talk, I've studied that stuff.
Don't you know, its lots easier to help others than see your own options....
1 person likes this
@ElicBxn (63594)
• United States
10 Jan 08
Oh, I knew I wasn't the cause of the rape attempt, and as I said, it was only an attempt, because I fought off the 2 guys.
And yeah, I knew a lot of folks went into the field because of their own problems.
It's that old "mote in the eye of your brother/log in your own eye" thing with this field.
1 person likes this
@pyewacket (43903)
• United States
10 Jan 08
If you want to hear something "amusing"...my therapist recommended this book for me to read..I did read part of it, but just wasn't the kind of reading I was into...and a lot did have to deal with therapy. One thing that stuck in my mind though was the author said that many people go into the psych professions due to their own neurosis and mental imbalances. Makes you wonder, no? Like gee, if they're screwed up how in the world are they going to help you?
Yes, I can understand however, the need for you to have sought therapy after the attempted rape-I think a lot of rape victims always tend to think they were the cause of the problem, no?
@worldwise1 (14885)
• United States
10 Jan 08
I also have a somewhat dubious opinion of how much good therapy does, pyewacket. I, like you have a long history of panic attacks, anxiety, and agoraphobia. I first began going to therapists as a teen. I have seen too many of them to count over the years-and I'm not really that much better for all the experience. However, I did have the good fortune to have a couple of good ones that stand out in my memory. The first was my very first one, whom I also had to give up due to financial restraints. Back in those days there was no such thing as medicaid(that I knew of). People who were lucky enough had health insurance-and it would only help to a certain degree. Over the years I have been diagnosed with everything from schizophrenia to clinical depression, to, finally manic depression. It has made my life a living hell, but I was ultimately placed on medication that helped me a lot. I do agree that some therapists harp on the past too much rather than dealing with the present. My last therapist helped me move past a point in my life that was very painful for me, and got me to where I am today. She helped me to understand that while we are a product of our heredity, we do not have to remain in that place. We can move forward. I'm still not the extroverted, warm and fuzzy type of person I would like to be, but I like myself much more than I did in the past.
1 person likes this
@worldwise1 (14885)
• United States
11 Jan 08
Many of these therapists don't know when to quit, pyewacket. If it is left up to them, they will keep you coming back year after year-to no good purpose. People are often misdiagnosed for many years, causing unnecessary heartache for all concerned.
1 person likes this
@pyewacket (43903)
• United States
11 Jan 08
I think that can really suck if some therapist "diagnoses" a person one thing and it turns out they really aren't that "condition" For instance, maybe a person is just going through a rough time but that doesn't necessarily mean that they are clinically depressed. I myself went through a "phase"...classic depression phase. All I wanted to do was sleep, hardly ate...I have no idea what triggered it off, or maybe I do...my grandmother had gotten very sick, I mean deathly sick (she did recover) but maybe it became my first realization that a family member would not longer be around..if you see what I'm saying. I can't exactly remember how long I was like that, a few months? Then one day it was like a light dawned and inwardly said to myself, well I'm not going to get anywhere this way and "snapped out of it"---now a person who really is clinically depressed CAN'T just snap out of it..indicating like I said it was just a phase with me. My doctor actually did prescribe antidepressants...yikes if I wasn't depressed before I sure was while taking those meds...I took them only for a few days, then threw them out...and felt better by stopping them
I'm glad you found that last therapist that help you get beyond the difficult and painful time you went through...I think that's what a therapist SHOULD try to do....my therapist obviously wasn't
@dania_elm (421)
• United States
10 Jan 08
ive been going to the same therapist for 2 years now and have made no progress. i get angry and sometimes do not go. i think that some are to eager to pull out their prescription pad and hollar bipolar. i know i am not. i do think she hit the nail on the head with the rest, post traumatic stress, obsessive compulsive, and a horrible case of anxiety. everytime i go she wants to talk about the one horrible event of my childhood i have been past that for years. i am now looking for a new one.
@pyewacket (43903)
• United States
10 Jan 08
Most doctors period are all too ready to pull out the prescription pad for whatever is wrong with us, whether real or not. And no wonder you want to see another therapist though..why does she want to dwell on on event of you life over and over again...like what is the purpose of reliving it all over again and again?
@kitchenwitchoftupper (2290)
• United States
10 Jan 08
dania_elm,
Good for you that you are looking for a new one! The one that you have is only trying to keep you as a patient and have you dependent on her. I am only guessing that you are very passive and a truly sweet woman while you are in session, and most therapists form a sort of a bond with this type of patient. You are also very right about the Bipolar diagnosis. I HATE that one. It IS a catch all diagnosis to keep the patient held back. If we each think of ourselves very deeply, we will see that each of us has Bipolar Disorder to some degree. Who could not be very high and excited at one moment when they get their paycheck, and very low and depressed when they open it and see that the overtime they expected was not as much as they thought it would be? We all have some degree of ups and downs in rapid succession. You will be in my heart and I hope you will find the right therapist or counselor that "fits" for you. Please keep us updated. ~Donna
@dania_elm (421)
• United States
11 Jan 08
thank you kitchenwitch thats very nice of you to say. if i like someone ia msweet as can be. if i dont like you and or u mess with my kids, im your worst nightmare. that doesnt make me bipolar. i agree that they do that to keep patients. its completely ridicilous!!!!
1 person likes this
@TerryZ (22076)
• United States
10 Jan 08
Hey there cybersister I have never been to a therapist but I feel if youve had a bad experience in your life try to get over it with friends and family. I dont think hashing up the past is good. I think we should move forward always. Just my opinion.
1 person likes this
@pyewacket (43903)
• United States
11 Jan 08
I really haven't had horrific bad experiences in my life...just the usual case of growing up in a completely dysfunctional family and with a mother who was more the child and I the parent...at a early age I had to take on responsibilities that most children didn't have to deal with. And yes, I just don't believe in constantly talking about the past, unless to make a point about something particularly if I'm doing one of my discussions---but yes, it's important to move on which I don't think my therapist wanted me to do
@LittleMel (8742)
• Canada
10 Jan 08
never try see them myself. don't think I can afford it and no one has advised me to. I've heard that they would listen to you, because they need you to feel that someone cares and bothers to listen and then gives you advices or medication. But now you got me thinking. what if you ran out of something to say? will they make you keep talking because they want to find out more, or just trying to get some money out of you? can you cancel the appointment because there is nothing to say, or do you have to drop the shrink altogether..
sorry can't help you, pye. I end up giving you more questions than answers :) but as far as living in the past, I think it's your choice. a shrink is only helping from outside, it's you who control the inside.
@pyewacket (43903)
• United States
10 Jan 08
Oh, before I ditched my therapist I was canceling my appointments left and right--many times as I had more important things to do for that day, and I just plain found the whole thing boring as hell--also like you said..I did run out of things to talk about
@blackbriar (9076)
• United States
10 Jan 08
I've never been to a Psychologist but my daughter has for a few months till our insurance stopped paying for it. It was really helping her to talk about stuff that's happening in her life that depresses/angers her. Her Psychologist didn't dwell on the past. She did all the 'past' talking in the first few sessions but after that it was what was going on in her life now that she cared about. I do see a Psyciatrist, thou, who has been helping me thru my depression and to cease smoking. I like him, not to mention he's also cute. lol
1 person likes this
@pyewacket (43903)
• United States
10 Jan 08
Mmmm..maybe I would have had a better experience if my therapist was cute...LOL
@princessa200145 (616)
• United States
10 Jan 08
hi pye how are u doing i have been seeing many therapists for over the last few years some of helped and some have me so doped up i dont know whats going on most of them ask me what i want to talk about. but i tell u an hour goes fast and i have usually started discussing 3 different subjects at the same time i feel that it is a continuous process with a little advice given some to the good and some just to get u out quickly
@pyewacket (43903)
• United States
11 Jan 08
Well with me I just plain ran out of things to talk about..I mean I just found it boring to talk about the same thing over and over again...to me that hour went REAL slow..LOL
@moneyandgc (3428)
• United States
10 Jan 08
My husband is going to a therapist and he seems to think he is really helping him. I'm glad. I, on the other hand have only had bad experiences with therapists I have left them feeling worse than when I went in!
I am getting ready to see a new therapist after not seeing anyone for years. I am hoping they are a match for me. I want them to be able to help me NOW, I don't want to waste a bunch of sessions about my childhood...which was actually decent. I want to work on there here and now, we can get to the other stuff later.
I am not a big fan of therapy and usually neither is my husband, but with the way things have been going around here recently...he is begging me to see one. Due to the fact that he is afraid of me leaving him.
I told him I would try. I chose 2 this morning. One for me and one for us. I told him to call and make the appointments and I would go. We'll see how it goes. Hopefully I will have good news to report back.
@pyewacket (43903)
• United States
11 Jan 08
Like you my childhood was fairly decent...oh, yes I did come from your typical "dysfunctional" family background..parents divorced type of thing but nothing traumatic...I hear of some of the stories here at MyLot and makes my upbringing sound like the Waltons...LOL
I'm glad you recognize that you want to find a therapist who will help you with the NOW of your life rather than dwelling on the past--I wish you luck and you'll have to keep us posted how things are going, okay?? :)
@gem4678 (220)
• United States
10 Jan 08
You have a lot of good points, the biggest thing here though is that for some people talking about the past may keep them there you are right, but for a lot of people something about there past is keeping them in the past subconciosly already. The point to discussing what happened is to help you learn how to let it out and move on. Many people are in therapy that don't need it and those that do aren't, thats how it seems to work out. I'm ot saying that everyone doesnt need someone to talk to, but some people could just talk to friends. Plus a lot of phsychologists don't seem to be there for the people anymore, so it is hard to give adiquit care, not that they do it intentionally. But if you can find one that is there for the right reasons and can do what works for you then there ya go as for that docter you were seeing that took you around, that is awsome to find one to step out of the normal box we need more of them.
@pyewacket (43903)
• United States
11 Jan 08
Well besides the fact that I grew up in a typically dysfunctional family environment, and just about everyone has, there were no "trauatic" episodes in my life, no hidden demons so to say...that might be different with people who do have horrific areas of their past, so yes, maybe those past events have been surpressed so a therapist might help to get that episode out in the open to help a person move on in life.
Yes, the thing about talking to friends...I'm very candid and can tell people what's bothering me and my friends will at least listen with a more compassionate attitude I think than a therapist
