Which is right and which is wrong?
By dreamertink
@dfollin (25351)
United States
January 11, 2008 11:15am CST
Let me start from the begining of my story to explain what I mean.When I was 18 I was engaged and got pregnant.We had an off and on relationship and when our son was 6 months old he left us,no communication since and our son is now 27.I got help from socail services.So,I moved on and got pregnant again,had another son and his father saw him every once and a while and helped me financially very every once and awhile I mean very,$135 in 16 years till they finally started garnishing his wages after I got a court order for support when he was 2.Socail services helped me then too.Then I met my husband and we had a daughter.My husband got cancer and some other medical problems which stopped him from working.While he was applying for disability,we had to fight for assistance from socail services,could get no help from department of housing,because one of us was not working outside the home for at least 30 hours a week.Then we tried shelters,some would not accomodate us because we were married and some would accomodate our medical needs,such as eating at certain times.There were alot of things we could not get help with because we were married.Ok,so they are saying that if I slept around and got pregnant I could get help,but because we got married and things went wrong about his medical situation.My husband died and I get some money for my daughter and I from socail security.It is not enough to pay rent,utilities,food,household needs and medical.But,socail services says I get too much to get medical assistance or food stamps.Now if we had not been married,as it is in the bible,I would not get all the socail security Iam getting,but would be able to get medical and food stamps and housing assistance.I was told by housing that since my husband died,we would go to the bottom of the list.Iam right with God by getting married,but wrong with society for getting married.
3 people like this
7 responses
@sugarfloss (2139)
• Malaysia
11 Jan 08
hello dfollin,I'm deeply saddened by your story.I hope everything's alright.In every cloud,there's a silver lining,I hope yours is gold.Hang in there.I'm sorry you lost your husband.Condolences to you and your family.About getting help from Socail Services,I don't know how it works but you're right about society being wrong about marriage.I would like to help.Just tell me how.
3 people like this
@dfollin (25351)
• United States
11 Jan 08
I pray for something to come my way,a way to earn money.I know that sounds materialistic,but soceity is that way today and causes me problems.If you can pray for me and if you see a way of me earning a way of making money from home please let me know.
2 people like this
@suspenseful (40193)
• Canada
11 Jan 08
I made a typing error, I mean to say that sleeping without the benefit of matrimony is wrong. Keep to your convictions, and make your voice heard. Let everyone know about social services favoring people who live immoral and criminal lives, write your congressman. America was born on good moral principals. It is too bad that it has changed.
3 people like this
@jillbeth (2705)
• United States
11 Jan 08
Unfortunately, it seems that people who live careless lives and deserve the least help often receive it anyway, and those who try to live right but come upon misfortune can't get the help they need. Life isn't fair sometimes, but if you are "right" with God, then you know that your rewards will come in the next life to make up for the suffering you have done in this one, and those who haven't lived according to His will, will get what they deserve in the end!
2 people like this
@dfollin (25351)
• United States
11 Jan 08
I know you are right.I feel bad that my boys had to grow up in a not so great situation.And now my daughter is too.My boys blame me and I feel bad about it.Iam doing the best I can,but it never seems good enough and then I hear from other people how Iam not doing well enough and how this is effecting my childrens lives.
2 people like this
@suspenseful (40193)
• Canada
11 Jan 08
So they want you to continue to sleep around and not get married? It shows you how much society has gone down hill. I would not give up your morals so that you can get more medical help. Keep to your convictions and if you find the right man, get married. Oh and write a letter to your congressman, tell your pastor or preacher about it, and enlist their help.
Society is changeable and want to take the easy way out. Wide is the path that leads to destruction, marriage is right, sleeping with someone with the benefit of matrimony is wrong.
@AmberNormandin (883)
• United States
13 Jan 08
wow. im sorry you have gone through all that! and im sorry that the government or whatever is so screwed up that they dont help the ones who TRULY NEED IT!!! i always joke with my husband that we should get divorced, and have a bunch of babies and get money from the government since that seems to be the "in" thing to do now days instead of getting married and doing the right thing. good luck to you!
1 person likes this
@writersedge (22563)
• United States
12 Jan 08
You definitely make me feel really good about not getting married until I was 42, and having my tubes tied so I didn't have children. When I was single and poor, I made a thousand dollars over the allowance to get help. A social worker told me if I got pregnant, that would be 2 people and I would qualify for help. I threw her off my property.
@writersedge (22563)
• United States
14 Jan 08
Yes, that's why lots of young girls in my area believe all they have to do is get pregnant every three years and they won't have to work. The system where I live encourages this. Our taxes are either the highest or second highest in the country. Some of these girls have as many as 8 or more children so they don't have to work. Because at 4 years of age, they want you to put your child in Day care and get a job. But you are supposed to be there for the first three years of a child's life. I understand their reasoning, first three years are very important, but I've heard other states say 1 child and after that, you can't keep doing that any more and other states that say they will help you and train you for 2 years. But my state, it keeps going and going and going.
That Social Worker, it would have made more sense for her to tell me to get $1, 000 in medical bills (like dentist, check ups from drs., etc) or something that was deductible and they would help me get my roof fixed that one time, which was all I needed. Instead of getting people dependent on the system.
2 people like this
@Thoroughrob (11742)
• United States
27 Feb 08
It does seem that in society you are better off if you are not married. We had our son, while we weren't married and he was born with a disability. We were planning on getting married soon after. We found out he had problems, and the people helping us, told us not to get married as they would help more with us not being married. Go figure!! It is sad that you have to live that way just to get help. They penalize you for being married.
