My 3 year old ,had the worst TANTRUM EVER!!!
By AmberN
@AmberNormandin (883)
United States
January 12, 2008 8:41pm CST
and I mean the WORST EVER!! She stays with my grandma a couple days a week, which is fine both ways, but lately she has been wanting to practically live there. She gets really upset when its time to come home and often cries about it. My grandma is GREAT with kids and when i was a kid, i stayed with her more than i stayed home, so i understand where my daughter is coming from. Well, today grandma said that it was my 13 month old daughters time to stay the night since she doesnt get to stay over by herself often. So, my 3yr old went crazy when it was time to leave. I mean she was kicking, screaming, laying down and screaming, drooling, gagging and coughing, gritting her teeth together and shaking, jumping to get out of my grip, and so forth. She was determined she was going to stay and the more she fought, the more i was determined to get her into the car and home. Finally, after several minutes of fighting her and trying to talk to her, i pretty much drug her to the car. I got in and left and she was screaming so loud that i had to turn the radio volume up almost as high as it would go! When she stopped, i turned it down and when she started again, i turned it back up. Finally about half way home, she gave up her fight and said "i settle down mommy". So, when we got home, i immediately made her go stand in the corner for 3 minutes and when the oven timer went off, she ran over and hugged on me and apologized (on her own!). I explained to her that she was acting like a very bad girl and that she couldnt stay at Grandmas if she acts that way. I told her that it hurts Grandma and mommys feelings when she acts that way and she said sorry and called grandma and apologized. She has had tantrums before, but NEVER EVER this bad.
So, my point is, what kind of tips do you have for kids that act this way?? I hope this isnt going to become something of the norm around here!
6 people like this
12 responses
@dreamy1 (3811)
• United States
13 Jan 08
Have you thought about limiting her stays with grandma? I think all the going back and forth might affect her. She gets used to a routine at your house for a few days then she goes to grandma's with a different routine there. If I were being shuffled back and fourth for years I'd probably have a melt down too. Let her stay in one place for a good while and just visit grandma for the day. I'd also give grandma a break too. I'm sure she loves those kids dearly but seems like she is taking care of them an awful lot. She's probably old and tired and could use the rest.
1 person likes this
@AmberNormandin (883)
• United States
13 Jan 08
Well, my grandma lives alone and often asks for one or both of the girls to come stay with her for a day or 2 and im not going to tell her no when she is asking. She does take care of them alot, but myself and their father takes care of them much more, as they are OUR kids. My grandma is in excellent health for her age. She is 71 years old and can still chase my daughter around. She stays home more than she is there but like i said, my grandma is great with kids and most kids dont want to leave her.
@deebomb (15304)
• United States
13 Jan 08
It seams that she is old enough to understand what she did. The next time you take her over to grandma's I would tell her that if she has a tempertrantum when it is time to leave that she won't be allowed to go over to grandma's any more. Then stick to it. If she is staying with grandma bacause of you having to work find some one else to watch her for a time or two. And no more staying over night if she is going to act like that. She seems like a pretty smart kid.
1 person likes this
@AmberNormandin (883)
• United States
13 Jan 08
Yep, thats the things I told her. I told her that if she ever acted that way again, she would not be allowed to stay over. She knows how she was acting was wrong, thats why she took it upon herself to apologize.
@AmberNormandin (883)
• United States
13 Jan 08
well, the terrible 2s started at 18 months old...she's had little tantrums before, but NOTHING like this..ever!! Luckily i didnt get a head ache, but my nerves were shot for sure!
@twoey68 (13627)
• United States
13 Jan 08
I think you handled it very well. I think the part about if she continues to do it she won't get to go over there anymore. Kids tend to like other ppl's houses for alot of different reasons. My Nephew loves coming to my house b/c I'm not near as strict as his dad is and he can be more relaxed with me. Don't worry though most kids grow out of the tantrum stage.
**AT PEACE WITHIN**
~~STAND STRONG IN YOUR BELIEFS~~
@AmberNormandin (883)
• United States
13 Jan 08
yeah your right, she definatly likes other peoples houses better than ours sometimes because theres different things, a different atmosphere and usually people are a little less strict than I am. Alot of the times after being away from home for a time, she'll start asking to come back home. Im sure this phase will pass and then i get to deal with it with my 13 month old, who is starting to have them sometimes too. Kids..gotta love 'em!
@twoey68 (13627)
• United States
13 Jan 08
As I said "MOST" children outgrow this stage. We had a 16 year old foster kid that threw himself down in the middle of Walmart's kicking and screaming b/c I refused to buy him an $8.00 purple pen (he had a thing for purple). I left him laying there and walked out with the other kids. Everyone was amazed. He got up and followed me after a few moments and when we got to the car I let him know that from that moment on he'd never go to another store with me. I stuck to that for about 3 months. While all the other kids got to go shopping and such, he had to sit home with Hubby. He finally learned his lesson and has never done it again. I found out later that he used to do this all the time with his mom and she'd get him what he wanted so he wouldn't cause a scene.
**AT PEACE WITHIN**
~~STAND STRONG IN YOUR BELIEFS~~
@barehugs (8973)
• Canada
13 Jan 08
First let me say that Tantrums are not normal behaviour for a child. Only spoiled children have tantrums. Also these tantrums are not the childs fault, but the parents and caregivers. Also if you don't get this type of behaviour under control soon, you will continue to have trouble with this child as she grows up. You seem to be very impressed with her acting as she does her thing. Get over this, and learn to ignore it completely. THis is hard work for the child and she will soon stop when she realises nobody is paying any attention, let alone getting upset, Just let her scream and kick. you will be surprised at how soon she settles down when nobody responds to it. Don't fight with her just let her do her thing and when she gets tired of it she will stop.
@AmberNormandin (883)
• United States
13 Jan 08
and first let me say that you are wrong. Tantrums ARE very normal because young children often dont know how to express themselves and they get frustrated when they "think" a parent isnt understanding what they want. How do i know this? because ive done TONS of research on toddler behavior..not sure if you have done any. My daughter IS NOT OUT OF CONTROL, if she was she wouldnt do a thing I tell her to do and she'd argue with me all the time. If i was impressed by her acting that way, i would have praised her for it instead of punishing her. I obviously did not fight with her as i stated that I PUNISHED her. Her actions deserved a punishment that is what she got.
@lightningd (1039)
• United States
13 Jan 08
You handled it perfectly!!!!!! You also showed that a 3 year old can come to the conclusion that their behavior is either good or bad. She knew what she was doing when she threw the tantrum, and you didn't cave in. YOU DID GREAT!! Your daughter's reaction afterwards shows that. She realized it was wrong, and appologized for it.
I wouldn't change a thing!!
@AmberNormandin (883)
• United States
13 Jan 08
Thank you! I have done so much reading on how to handle tantrums, so i was pretty prepared for the day she had her first horrible melt down! she knew she was acting bad, thats why she apologized after having stood in the corner for 3 minutes as her punishment. She also knows that she will not be allowed to stay over night at grandmas if she acts that way again. Thanks again!
@citygirl (1080)
• Canada
13 Jan 08
ok you ask for it so I am going to share what I had to do with my oldest when she was young (she is 35 now)she would throw the worst tantrums at home or out or any where. My mom told me this on and it worked. The first time she threw one after I did it. This what I did , I walked to the sink , didn't say a word, ran the water cold , filled a small glass with water turned around threw it on her, still not saying a word I left the room. The cold water shocked her , and stopped the screaming and the shock silenced her and made her think, I had to do this three or four times then she got the idea that she would be cooled off if she got to hot with a temper tantum. After that if she started , I headed for the sink , she stopped imediately. I know it sounds mean, but it is better than loosing control and wacking them , and some times time outs , or corners just don't work at least not for long. It is like punishing them later, this is a form of instant punishement that doesn't harm them.Guess what she uses it on my gandson, the oldest. I was visiting her in Ottawa, and she did it, I said to her where did you learn that Sherry, she remembered that that was what I did and it cured her so she uses it to. Every one has their own form of diciple but that worked for tempertantums on my three. All the best.
@suspenseful (40192)
• Canada
13 Jan 08
We did the, 'we're going to take you to the car," bit, and held the kid in my arms, looked him straight in the eye and said, "that was bad," or whatever was appropriate. It has been a long time since our sons were toddlers,so what I do is mainly from memory. We did the grounding bit, put them in their rooms, picked them up and looked them straight in the eye (this did it, they would stop being bad and start to laugh) removed them from the situation, if there were in the grocery store, pretending to go to the door, etc. I never had problems with temper tantrums, I guess what i did work.
@slickcut (8141)
• United States
14 Jan 08
In my day she would have gotten a good spanking,had she pitched a fit like that, but now days i know that things are handled differently..I would have told her if she did not stop pitching a fit that she was going to get a good spanking and that would give her reason to cry,then afterward i would have sat her down and gave her a good talking, letting her know that the behavior was unacceptable and that she could not act this way ever again..I would have let her know that she would get a spanking everytime she pitched a fit...I would have let her know that it is ok to have opinions and that she could voice them but fits were out..This is the way we handled things in my day and when i was raising my children, of course i know that things are handled much differently now..I think you did good though the way you handled it,by not letting her get her way..Children do not always know how to get their way other than having a temper fit, they are still small and do not understand that things cannot always go their way,we have disappointments in life and we have to learn to be sad but to also stay in control...I think your daughter got angry because she wanted to stay and this was her way of saying it..She just needs to learn....Its very hard to spank, because you love your babies so much that you hate to spank but thats the hard part of parenting...
@Modestah (11177)
• United States
13 Jan 08
I've always thought (or at least since I've had a three year old) that a two year old's tantrums have got nothing on the three year olds!
I don't know what to tell you other than be firm but gentle in your rebukes, she is learning, keep the boundries so she learns to trust your word and follow through.
sometimes they just need to let out their frustrations, make sure they are not being a danger to themselves in doing so....
and remember, this too shall pass. or so we pray!
@squaretile (3778)
• Singapore
22 Jan 08
oh dear that sounds horrid. but i think you did REALLY WELL. there are not many parents who would be as persistent and strong as you were.
you definitely did the right thing in dragging her to the car and not giving in to her. kids need to know who is boss. otherwise the next time she will think that she can get her way just by throwing a grand tantrum.
it's great that you disciplined her also after she got home and she had time to think about it, to be sorry and then hugged and apologised to you. great parenting!
@janisspaggiari59 (656)
• United States
13 Jan 08
I think it turned out very good for you and your child.Talking is the best way of teaching when this happens.You
talked to her and she understood.You'll probably never see another tantrum quite as bad as that one.Just keep telling
her how it makes everyone feel and why she shouldn't do it.It'll get better.
