how do you turn around negative view your child has of you?

This is not easy to respond to because you don't state the age of your daughter. Her age would make a difference as to whether she remembers anything of your life as a family unit, before your wife moved away. However, as a general guide, I would suggest that you take things a step at a time. This girl has been through a lot of trauma with the loss of her mother, and has to be allowed time to come to terms with it. So, I would say that, although you're going to miss the best part of her growing up, you have to take things slowly and gently. Word your letters well, and introduce your self into her life in a caring way. Perhaps you can manage to gain visitation once a week to start with and see how things go, but never push too hard, or you will lose her trust, and the trust of her uncle and your three year search will have been wasted. You have been patient so far, so continue that way, and I'm sure your daughter will form her own opinion of you. There's no telling which way it will turn out, but I think this method will be your best best. Just be yourself, and show her all the love you've been carrying around for her all these years... let her know you've been searching for her, and I'm sure everything will work out just great. Good luck, and Brightest Blessings for a happy future with your daughter.

I am not sure. One thing I do know that is it is going to take time. Another thing that might be a good idea is not to say anything bad about your ex (her mother) becuse if you do she might end up resenting you and that will just drag you further apart. I hope that things get better in this problem and that you get more contact with your daughter. One more thing is that you should probably be prepared to answer a lot of tough questions from her.

I don't think it would be wrong at all to tell her you have been searching for her for 3 years. With her being 12 years old was there a time you were in her life so she knows you? What I would write is that you love her and have missed her and that most of all you missed sharing with her the birthdays, the holidays, every school play, chior recital, and special day that every parent wants to be a part of. You should tell her you are very sorry to hear that her mother passed away and that there was a time that you really loved her mother and that you really do care and that you are the most saddened by the thought that your daughter had to lose a mother. Talk about her mother, something happy. Her mother's good attributes. Even the worse people have at least one thing you can say that is nice. Like just how you know that her mother loved her very much and maybe if you remember something from when she was a baby like if you were together then and maybe your daughter got sick or hurt and you both cared for her. Things you remember that were happy times. Of course you do not want to ever say anything bad because it really doesn't matter now because what was said and done is said and done and now that she is gone she can't add anymore so you can turn this around. Let her know that even know her mother and you had your problems you both loved her. I would ask her also for pictures of herself, ask questions about her life, what she is doing in school, what's her favorite class, does she play sports. Be interested in what she is doing, it should be all about her. Don't try to drill into her the truth and your side of the story because it will only make her pull away. I actually understand what you are going though but in a different light. You see my husband was in your daughters shoes in a way. His parents divorced and his mother made up all this stuff about his dad and really see was just taking advantage of him. She lied about who filed for divorce and said his father was abusive and abandaned them and everything. His father did the wrong thing by every time he got near him he would be defending himself trying to set the record straight and point blank stating his mother was lying, but of course that just drove him more to believe his mother who could cry at the drop of a hat. It wasn't until she tried to break us up that my husband say his mother for what she was and it's been hard. What's the most difficult is now my husband is in your shoes also because he had three triplet brothers who are 12 years younger than him who still live with his mother. She tells them that we are welcomed in her house and that we chose not to see them. We have called and she will not let us speak to them at all. We have gone over there and she slaps him across the face or starts crying if someone else is there and acts like we said something to make her cry. And then there is my husband's father who he has tried to have a relationship with that we have tried to him what he needs to do to not make the same mistakes but he still does it. He's so filled with bitterness and for obvious reasons that he just can't get pass it and so those other three boys don't want to have anything to do with him. All they care about is that he buys them whatever they ask for. It's so sad. I wish you luck and I hope you can reach her. Are you going to try for custody if you can get things good between you two. If you do intend to fight for her please do not mention it for now about her coming to live with you. You need to give her time to adjust to knowing you first.

Your daughter is the same age as mine (12)...and if it were me I would do my best to first off get a relationship going with her (you mentioned you are only allowed 3 letters for contact right now)...In your letters DO NOT bad mouth anyone!! VERY VERY IMPORTANT!!! Just let her know how much you love her, how much you've missed her and how hard and long you've been looking for her...Let her know that you want to make up for the time the two of you lost and you are looking forward to seeing her, being with her etc etc...If she starts to ask questions about what happened etc or the things shes been told BE HONEST BUT DON'T BAD MOUTH HER MOM OR UNCLE...that is so key! At her age she will, if she hasnt already, start to see the holes in the things she's been told...Kids are VERY smart when it comes to that sort of thing...She'll be able to figure out that somethign was "fishy" about what went on..but you have to be patient and approach it all with a mature sense... I wish you all the best! You have your work cut out for you but DO NOT give up!!

Well the best thing i think to do is tell your daughter everything what happened.Even though she will not understand at first i think you're able to win her trust. Answer everything she asks you even though it's hard to answer. It's gonna take a lot of time to go through this all as it can take years including the times in court. If you show your daughter how much you tried to find her she will give you a chance to be the dad she missed in life.

This is sooo sad, How old is your daughter?? I think that it will take some time for her to warm to you, you will have to try an understand what she much think.If she has been told thing that are not right about you she will need to proven that it was incorrect. that poor child. You will need to keep trying because it is only fair that she should get to know you.

Don't know what to tell u! Firstly I think you should explain to your daughter that you love her and you have been trying very hardly to find her! Tell her that you love her and if you didn't care you wouldn't have even tried to find her! Tell her that you loved her mom(she probably was very attached to her) and the reason you never "made up" was that you never had the courage to do so! Try to prove that what her uncle is saying about you isn't true and in the same time try to convince she's uncle the same thing! Since she's uncle is the care taker try to make him believe you that you love your daughter and you just want to spend time with your daughter just to know your child.. the one most important thing in your life! Remember that your daughter needs time to understand all that you are saying! Give her time to think! She does not understand how important she is to you and especially viceversa! The most important element here is time! Beg your forgiveness and show your apologies and she will forget and forgive! Be both patient and insistent! Good Luck!!