will you choose to change him/her or just give up him/her and find someone else?
By wendy805
@wendy805 (261)
China
January 14, 2008 11:08pm CST
have you ever been in that situation that you are really upset with one thing about him but you are hopelessly not able to change that;that you are not happy or comfortable with but you have to be quiet, or else you will start a war; that you two are very much match each other if neither notice that thing; that everything is fine in the surface but both just adhere to one's own?
do you think that talk will work? do you think that if both of us are honest and willing to solve the problem, then the problem will be solved? does it work? if anyone could tell me.
have you tried to change a person or that is a stupid question? i am so down with that. past things have left hurt on both of us, he is never to be change his view on me. i know that is unfair. but i fear to talk to him about that, becaues i tried and nothing could. but it seems that he wants to be with me. he wants me to ignore that and with him. but i am uncomfortable and want to make change.
so tell me is there any possiblity of changing your partner in a serious way?
4 responses
@rockvixen (894)
• United States
15 Jan 08
I have felt that way, but I accept my husband as he is because I love him very very much. I would not change him because of something I did not like about him. There is always going to be something we don't like about the person we are with, but if you are truly in love and care for him then you won't ask him to change.
1 person likes this
@zenmachado (1617)
• United States
15 Jan 08
Its never a good idea to attempt to alter the personality of someone else. Even if you do succeed to a certain extent, it is more likely that at a certain point that person will revert to their previous condition.
Rather it is wise to find someone that suit your need in that other persons identity... and that way instead of attempting to chance them... you love them, for who they are.
1 person likes this
@drknlvly6781 (6246)
• United States
15 Jan 08
A person will not change unless they really want to, and trying to change a person against their will will only lead to bad times. I know this for a fact because I tried for 5 1/2 long years with my children's father.
He is a compulsive liar and a cheat. I didn't know this when I first got with him, but I soon found out. I kept trying to see the good in him, and I thought because of his tough times growing up, if I loved him enough, he would change. Instead, I ended up giving him the impression that it was okay to cheat by not leaving, as he did this several times throughout the relationship. I experience a lot of heartache and pain with this individual, until one day he up and left me for another woman, leaving me with his two children.
It hurt very deeply that he left, but after some time to heal, I realized my mistake and that I was better off without him. By accepting the treatment he gave, it made things worse, not better.
If you feel that there is something that needs to be changed about your mate, by all means, bring it up, talk about it. But if the behavior still continues, leave. It will only get worse, not better if you try to stick it out.
@khan4ever4u (15)
• India
15 Jan 08
your relation has been special for a long time to he/she.i cherish every thing
we have done and each happy memory,too.. find its in your presence that i feel compleate.
