What is your initial reaction? Different once heard my story?

New Zealand
January 16, 2008 9:28pm CST
Hi all. I understand that this may bring some criticism and judgements, and thats ok. I was interested in peoples initial reaction to this. What would you think if you heard of a young woman with 2 children to 2 different men and is now in a committed relationship with a third man?? Now I'll tell you of the circumstances of this and please let me know if your initial thoughts stayed the same or if you changed your opinion... When I was 19 I met up with an old schoolfriend, we started a relationship and it was a surprise that I got pregnant(there WAS protection in place). He was not working but I was. When my due date was close I was insisting that he get a job as we were about to have a baby. He told me that a baby only needs love and we could be on the dole forever. He wouldn't change so I left. I then moved to NZ and when my son was 7 months old I met a new guy. Fell in love etc. My son saw him as Dad and still calls him dad, has visitation every second weekend. We were engaged for three and a half years when he said he wanted us to start trying for a baby. Finally convinced me. Told him I was pregnant and he went mental, told me I was trying to trap him and it probably wasn't even his kid. I was in shock. Three months into my pregnancy I found out he'd been cheating since before I got pregnant. So I left. Couple months after giving birth I yet again met and fell in love with someone. He has three children from a past relationship. They are with us every second weekend and for most of the holidays. I feel that this time it is real. We make a great team, always laughing and happy and never fight. My kids love him, but he is not dad, he is just Si. We have a great life now. I would like us to have one more child together..just not yet! So does my story change any opinions? Do I fall in love too easily? Trust too easy? After every breakup I have thought that I would get to know myself before embarking on a new relationship. I'm not scared to be alone. I love being a partner and mother. I feel it is my role in life. It would be much better If I could've got married, had lots of kids, and spent my life with my husband..it just hasn't worked out that way..
1 person likes this
2 responses
tamararacine
@tamararacine (268)
• United States
17 Jan 08
Ok i don't see anything wrong with you. I have 3 boys, 2 different fathers and I am pregnant now. Every relationship is different and each person gives you something different to love.
nurrynoo
@nurrynoo (72)
• New Zealand
17 Jan 08
Glad to hear I'm not alone! I don't usually care what others think, I just don't like the stigma attached to having children by different fathers. These three men are the only ones I have ever slept with, so it is not promiscuity. Its sad that that is how society perceives this kind of situation. I agree that each person gives you something to love.
tamararacine
@tamararacine (268)
• United States
17 Jan 08
No way you are alone! I deal with the attitude when people ask me about my children! They don't care how long you were in a relationship or anything like that. Just brush it off your shoulders because it will never go away.
nurrynoo
@nurrynoo (72)
• New Zealand
17 Jan 08
I don't often have to deal with it from strangers as my son calls my daughters dad, Dad. So everyone just assumes that he is father to both of them. Its the people that are part of our lives that know the situation. And they can be catty (behind my back, that often comes back to me). I was actually in the shop once and an aquaintance commented on how much he looked like his dad..i then had to say that he isn't his father though! Sadly no matter how many letters and photos I send his biological father, we still have not heard from him in three years.
Leca
@lecanis (16647)
• Murfreesboro, Tennessee
17 Jan 08
You're right, it's an unfair stigma. You said in your comment to the other poster that these three men were the only ones you've slept with, and I'm thinking... but since you got pregnant you get seen negatively. I, on the other hand, have slept with enough people I don't even know the number... but since I only have one child, by my husband, people aren't going to automatically realize that about me. Of course I have my own reasons for my life and the way it has been, but I won't bore you with them. :p The major issue is that essentially people feel they have the right to judge others without knowing or understanding their situations. There's nothing wrong with you as long as you are happy with who you are. :)
Leca
@lecanis (16647)
• Murfreesboro, Tennessee
17 Jan 08
The only time I can really see judging is when there is some form of abuse or harm of others involved. Considering I come from an abusive background myself, of course that's what I would say. I'm glad to hear that your family life is happy. That actually sounds kind of neat, having all the kids and then having a break. :P
nurrynoo
@nurrynoo (72)
• New Zealand
17 Jan 08
Thank you for that comment! I am very happy, we do have a family life that can be hard, but we do our best. We've actually sorted out that we have five kids on one weekend and the next weekend we have none. I think we deserve a break! On some levels I think that we have no right to judge others at all, but there are others that I think we do need to judge...thats another story!!
1 person likes this