What do you do to show/tell others you love them?
@Perspectives (7131)
Canada
January 17, 2008 1:47am CST
Love is one of my favorite topics and after recently having to put a beloved pet down I have been thinking a lot about it these days and that led me to pondering about how Mylotters show their love to others...because I sure feel a lot of it here and am grateful to be a member of this Cyber community.
Do you find it easy to tell others you love them...or does it feel awkward? When does it stop being awkward if and when it does...and why? Did you or did you not grow up in a home where love and affection were openly expressed and does that have anything to do with your comfort level with the 'L' word? Do you SHOW as well as TELL others you love them...and if so how and why...or why not?
In my view love is in the details. The everyday things we do and say to each other...whether bonded relationships or those who may only pass our way once. To me random acts of kindness offered in unconditional ways are very loving...even among strangers. Being present, attentive and REALLY LISTENING when people speak to each other is...only in my view of course...loving. Sharing an authentic hug is loving from my perspective anyway. Honoring personal space and creating emotional safety is a way of showing love to others.
Having an attitude of gratitude and expressing appreciation for what is offered is, to me...loving. Zipping the lip and asking oneself if the comment about to be made is 'loving or unloving' is yet another way to SHOW rather than just tell someone that they are loved. I could go on and on about this one because it is something that I think about a lot in every area of my work...writing, reporting, life coaching and leading groups. People can say they love someone yet be self-absorbed and insensitive in what they say and do and then bemoan the fact that they do not feel loved themselves.
Throughout a multitude of personal and professional experiences in my life life I believe in the power of love and the amazing things it brings about. I consistently see what happens when people awaken to the reality that everytyhing they are thinking, saying and doing is having and impact on themselves and the people around them. Once they discover that the more love they give out...the more comes back to them life takes on a whole new flavor every day...in every way...that I know for sure.
So what do you think about my perspective here...care to offer your views on love and creating truly loving relationships? We all reap the rewards from the sharing circles we create here...and in my view there are many loving people in Mylot land...and I am grateful to be a part of this community because of who you who send loving thoughts and words of compassion, kindness and encouragement to others within Mylot land. Love has many forms of expression...care to share what yours are?
Raia
4 people like this
10 responses
@sunshinelady (7609)
• United States
17 Jan 08
Love is a very precious emotion and when you find someone you love there are very inexpensive ways to show it. A hug, a kiss, listening to a loved person when they are talking, holding their hand, being there for them when they have troubles, enjoying a walk down the road, enjoying the beauties of nature with them. To me those are the things that mean something. Buying things for loved ones is easy. Sharing your time and energy to me is more precious than gold.
@Perspectives (7131)
• Canada
17 Jan 08
Your comments are similar to the beliefs my Mom raised me with...that the larger significance in any gift is contained with how much love it cost...not the material aspect of it.
The actions you describe are indeed, very loving and your closing comment is sooooo true...."Sharing your time and energy to me is more precious than gold.
Thanks for your input!
Raia
1 person likes this
@Lakota12 (42600)
• United States
18 Jan 08
I hugs alot, and kiss when I feel like it. MAke up funny stuff to do fo I like to make them smile dont know if that is showing love or not but thats my thing.
Also there is a touch like my hubby used to do to me on the shoulder And oh I loved the sound of his voice on the phone.
2 people like this
@Perspectives (7131)
• Canada
19 Jan 08
Ahhh...how precious she is...and as I have said...she is truly blessed to have a wise woman like you to mentor her. She will become a wonderful planetary citizen in what she is learning from you. Doing a good job there...in who you are and what you do!
Love you...will reply to your e-mail on the weekend...and yes, Cherokee is one happy dog...and so are we. He is the last of four...and darn proud of it! He will get a rude awakening though if Tasha does decide to come back in another form...as she just might with how loyal she is.
Anyway, thanks for being the great YOU you are!!
Love, hugs and keep those angel wings around you....as my candle flickers as a reminder of the light filled bond we share!
Raia
1 person likes this
@Perspectives (7131)
• Canada
18 Jan 08
Hi Lakota..Whatever you and your beloved did to show love...I can tell by the way you talk about him....that within your world of love you knew what to do to let each other know...whether by showing or telling.
Hugs are great...they say we need at least ten a day...and I bet your sweet Chey makes sure you get your quota...and then some.
I know you love...because you listen attentively and give from the heart!
Hope you continue to have all the love you give out continue to come back to you for many, many years to come.
Warm, gentle hugs to you!
Raia
1 person likes this
@Aussies2007 (5336)
• Australia
18 Jan 08
This is going to be a real sad story... lol
I did love twice... but was not loved in return.
In that case... it hurts like hell.
So... what's love?
Not something that I did experience...
Not even as a child...
I love my cat...
And he gives me "hell" in return. lol
Love would be wonderful if you could find it... but it is rare and an endangered specie. lol
2 people like this
@Aussies2007 (5336)
• Australia
19 Jan 08
You have no idea the number of women who have told me that is was such a waste for me to be single... because I had so much to offer...
Unfortunately... all those women telling me that... are already married. lol
Even so... quite a few of them had a bit more on their mind. Problem was that they were always people I was working for... and I was not going to risk my business for a few hours of fun.
2 people like this
@Perspectives (7131)
• Canada
7 Feb 08
Hmmmm...somewhat of a dilemma alright. It seems to me you make wise decisions. Yes, the consequences for a little fun might not be worth it overall. Might want to put an order in to the Universe for someone single, available and who will appreciate you.
Raia
1 person likes this
@Perspectives (7131)
• Canada
19 Jan 08
Ahhh Aussies...I appreciate you so much...and you know that is from my heart. What I treasure most is your always open and absolutely genuine...tell it like it is responses.
I think we all know what it feels like to have loved and not had it reciprocated. It took a few broken hearts for me...and David to find each other. We were both married before and promised ourselves we'd never repeat the pain and disappointment again. Hah! We have learned to 'never say never' because we proved ourselves and the many naysayers who said that an Aries marrying a Capricorn with Virgo rising were going to butt heads and never be able to overcome the fiery, headstrong, independent traits we both possess. Well here we are going into our eighteenth year as life and business partners and we just keep on keeping on in the face of some very daunting odds.
Within our spiritual beliefs we see what we have as a sacred partnership and one that allows us to grow our souls and become better people...and so it is.
So maybe we are among the rare and endangered species you mention...or maybe we are just to headstrong to give up on what we perceive is the power of 'us.'
To me you sound like a person who has a lot to offer any woman...and if you don't give up on the idea of love and being loved she might just be seeking you and finding you if you are willing to risk the pain that comes with loving anyone...or anything...be it a pet, a project or anything that might not work out the way we hope. However, I'd rather risk love and lose it than never love at all...but then that is just the way I look at life...and I know it doesn't work for everyone. We all have to do what works for us...and that is our path to decide. I know we agree on this point...because we've had this discussion before..and probably will again.
Raia
1 person likes this
@anniepa (27955)
• United States
19 Jan 08
I love how you said "the more love they give out the more comes back to them". I couldn't agree more and love doesn't cost a thing. By giving your love to someone you're not losing something in return, rather you're gaining a great deal. I did grow up in a loving and affectionate household and so did my husband and I'm happy to say we passed that on to my daughter. Every visit or conversation ends with "I love you" or, as my grandson started the new trend "love". But it takes more than saying the word to make love genuine. It means giving of yourself and honestly not minding a bit, it means feeling more happiness when something good happens to a loved one than when it happens to yourself and feeling more of your loved one's pain than your own and really, sincerely meaning it when you say you wish you could take it from them. Everyone has their own way of showing and telling others they love them but whatever their way is I think it's important that they do so as often as possible. Not doing so could one day fill you with deep regret.
Annie
2 people like this
@Perspectives (7131)
• Canada
19 Jan 08
Hello again..and what a lovely topic this is...and reading the responses is helping me to get back to my happy place. Still hard to accept our companion is gone...but life has and does move on and she would not want David or I...even the rest of her furry family to be sad and unhappy for too long...that is the kind of an animal she was.
Glad you enjoyed the comment about giving more...and receiving...yes, often I even think we get even more than we give out when it comes back in the most touching and unexpected ways as often happens even in Mylot exchanges.
When I first started telling my friends that I loved them when I hung up or said goodbye they did not respond it kind initially because many of them told me they weren't used to saying it to friends...only family members. However, now they all say it...openly and genuinely. Some were not card givers...nor did they write much on a card when they gave them. Now they have picked up my habit of writing a mini- manuscript and expressing the love and appreciation felt...as my mother taught me to do.
My hubby and I constantly shout up and down the stairs from our offices a cheery..."I love you Sweetie" throughout the day...and we are together 24-7. There is a genuine expression of appreciation for what we do for each other...and snuggling together at the end of a day is part of the love we share and augments the connectedness we feel.
I pick all our cats up and pet our last remaining dog and tell him I love him as I always have with every animal in our family.
The friends I have made here...when I say I love my connection to them...including you...the genuine sense of appreciation...and yes, I guess a kind of spiritual love comes from my heart...because in my view love is truly what makes the world go around...even though some people think that is idea is old fashioned and outdated.
From what I am reading here...there are many of who know that to be sooooo..true.
Thanks for sharing your wonderful outlook with me and allowing me to do the same with you. I value what we have developed here Annie...and you of course!!!! (smiles.)
Raia
1 person likes this
@patricia24 (568)
• Philippines
19 Jan 08
I always remind my husband that i love him, no matter what i said after our fight and whenever before we go to sleep. I'm not always showing my love in action but for sure i wll love him always.
@Perspectives (7131)
• Canada
19 Jan 08
Your approach with your hubs is the same as mine with David...and his with me. Yes, no matter what...love is bigger than the fights, conflicts and ups and downs we all share. It is true...love truly does makes everything easier to handle...and those who have it sure know that is a fact!
Good to know you are happy and loved...and I adore the baby on your Avatar...so cute...and so sweet!
Raia
1 person likes this
@ranji2008 (53)
• India
8 Feb 08
Hi Perspectives,
I think one can learn a lot from the way dogs express their love for us without saying a word !
ranji
2 people like this
@Perspectives (7131)
• Canada
13 Feb 08
Yes...dogs do have an unconditional way of showing their love for us. As my mother always pointed out it might be why dog is God spelled backwards. They show a very high level of love, compassion, understanding and acceptance...it would be a wonderful world if humans could love that unconditionally too.
Good observation and input...thank you Ranji and welcome to Mylot!
Best regards,
Raia
@kalav56 (11464)
• India
17 Jan 08
Hi Raia,
As usual you mirrored so many of my thoughts,-- especially in the expression of gratitude,'authentic hug',honouring personal sapce,the more you give the more you get,people who are insensitive bemoaning the behaviour of others,--
But my experiences have also unfortunately shown me that the more you give, the more people expect and when this is not fulfilled, they show their ire on you. This has taught me a few bitter lessons .As far as I am concerned, love whether it is demonstrated or not should be true, without expectations[reciprocity is different from expectations and need based love --don't you agree?].Love is unconditional, does not look at defects, is tolerant, sensitive and that is why when there is enough personal space given,[ we being the characters with a strong sense of individuality ] , love grows.Here, I basically agree with your statement of individual space and feel that true love starts from here.
Being verbose about it, demonstrating affection varies from person to person and personally I feel that a fulltoothed smile with no reflection of love welling from within the heart is as good as a dismissal without a spare glance.
Even if you do not tell a person you love him/her and that you care for his /her wellbeing your actions would always speak louder than words.
I mean only the lack of words and harsh words with the noblest intentions from the largest heart are some things that I do not care for.
This community of My Lot is wonderful because there is true sharing of ideas here.This is in a sort of way a sensitivity to and care for fellow human beings.
I have got a lot of information from these forums , you see, even in Yahoo Answers, people are sweet enough to come forth and guide, help you with some information sought.
2 people like this
@Perspectives (7131)
• Canada
17 Jan 08
Hello Kala...
It doesn't surprise me that we mirror some of each other's thoughts...we seem to be on the same page about a number of things and I guess that is why we knew it would be fun to become Cyber pen-pals...and I am glad we did!
Your views about love...and your comments about expectations and reciprocity...and yes, I do agree. Yes, respecting personal space and not trying to mold someone else into our image is critically important in creating and maintaining emotionally healthy relationships.
Your observation about the insignificance of an artificial smile...soooo very true as well. Similarly I have been in relationships where giving a lot of love in a not too discerning way has led to some disappointing and hurtful outcomes...as has David. However, I view is that was we both had some lessons to learn in establishing safe emotional boundaries...especially with the work we do and so in the end it helped us become more grounded.
I also view the Mylot community in a similar way to you...there is a feeling of genuine care, compassion and support and I value everyone I have connected with and look forward to more of the same. Just think dear one...had it not been for Mylot we may never have known that each other was out there...and that would have been too bad...because I value my connection with you...but I trust you know that by now!
Thank you for another thoughtful response that once again reveals the clarity with which you see things.
Raia
1 person likes this
@vicky_lane4987 (980)
•
17 Jan 08
i think that there are so many different ways for people to show their love. it is a really personal, individual thing. one of the nicest things william has done for me 2 show his love. is he made a box, filled with bits of paper with reasons why he loves me in.
vicky
2 people like this
@Perspectives (7131)
• Canada
17 Jan 08
Oh Vicky...thanks for sharing that here. What a truly beautiful expression of your William's love for you. As I mentioned in the post above my mother always reminded me that the true significance of any gift is within 'how much love it cost' not the material value. In this case I'd say you were given a million dollar gift or more....because there sure was a lot of love in that box alright.
Very touching...and wonderful to read...thank you for offering it!
Raia
1 person likes this
@maddysmommy (16230)
• United States
18 Jan 08
I show my love and affection by telling family and friends that I love them everytime I get a chance to talk to them if its via phone, email, chat, blogs etc, showing them through hugs, smiles, words of kindness and things I do for them out of love, being there when they need me (if I am able to), doing unexpected things for them, listening when they need someone to listen to them and so on.
Growing up it wasn't easy to say these things to my parents because it just wasn't shown much while I was growing up. My parents hardly every said "I Love You" however they did show a little affection through hugs at night before we went to bed or before we left for school. Now that I have my own family and live far away from my immediate family, I make the most of letting them know how much I care and love them everyday or whenever I talk with them either via email, text, blogs, chat and phone. Every conversation with my family and closest friends ends with "Love You" :)
2 people like this
@Perspectives (7131)
• Canada
19 Jan 08
Ahhh...what a heart warmer your post is and I thank your for offering it. I appreciate the many things you do to show and express your love for others....we need more of that in this world as we become more insulated from human contact with all the voice mails, text messaging and e-mailing.
Much of what you do and say echoes the way David and I show and tell others we love them too. I talk a lot about love on this site because to me it comes in many forms...the greatest of all is the unconditional spiritual love that we offer to friends and stranger alike. Often all it takes is a warm, caring acknowledgment, a genuine listening ear, a touch on the arm or a pat on the shoulder...and of course an offered hug to remind us that we love...and are loved.
I respect the fact that you didn't continue 'doing what you know' in the way your family raised you and decided to do it differently. I am sure all within your sphere are grateful for the loving things you say and do every day. Yes, we only have this moment to offer our love and light to each other...so I do my best to make it a daily practice with friends, family, pets, strangers...and even all the love I put into my garden. I tend every plant with as much love and light as I can...and they give back by flourishing every year and enrich my life as we and all the other creatures and friends who drop by do.
Yes, what goes around comes around...and aren't we blessed to know that the more love we give out the mores comes back. So many out there haven't reached that understanding yet...but I live in hope.
Lovely response and a pleasure sharing ideas with you as always. Thank you for your interest and support of this site...you add a lot to it.
Raia
1 person likes this
@liranlgo (5752)
• Israel
18 Jan 08
hey raia, love is wonderful.
i think that it is one of the most wonderful presents that god gave us as humans, the ability to love and to show love.
when i was young i really had a heart time, showing people and telling them that i loved them, it embarrassed me.
but this days, if i love someone, i just tell them or go and hug them, and try to give what ever i can.
love does have many forms of expression, and i try to show and give in a way that a person is comfortable with.
there are people that i can hug easily.
and there are people that i just use words with, and of course there are people that i give to, and they know that i love them dearly.
@Perspectives (7131)
• Canada
19 Jan 08
My goodness...how absolutely delightful to have your rainbow come in and shine on me again!!! It seems like ages since we have chatted...and it probably is. I am busier with work now and have to carve out a time for Mylot...but I always will because I love this site and so many who 'live' within our great community here.
Yes, love and how we show it is wonderful. Mylot has shown me that love can be shown, told and shared in profoundly moving ways...and I never would have thought it possible. This is the first and probably among the last sites like this I will involve myself with. I have my blog, my writing, group facilitation, life coaching...and a happy married life with great friends. That is a lot to juggle and maintain in loving and responsible ways. If I had to pick one site to give my time and energy to...I feel blessed that it was this one.
All the ways you show and tell others of your love for them are wonderful examples...and I thank your for dropping by again. I know we will keep in touch...even where there are big gaps between chats...there is a like-minded-ness that we share and I value.
Warm wishes and best regards...
Raia
2 people like this
