JOKES

In a long line of people waiting for a bank teller, one guy suddenly started massaging the back of the person in front of him. Surprised, the man in front turned and snarled, "Just what the hell you are doing?" "Well," said the guy, "you see, I'm a chiropractor and I could see that you were tense, so I had to massage your back. Sometimes I just can't help practicing my art!" "That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard!" the guy replied. "Im a lawyer. Do you see me screwing the guy in front of me?"

In a long line of people waiting for a bank teller, one guy suddenly started massaging the back of the person in front of him. Surprised, the man in front turned and snarled, "Just what the hell you are doing?" "Well," said the guy, "you see, I'm a chiropractor and I could see that you were tense, so I had to massage your back. Sometimes I just can't help practicing my art!" "That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard!" the guy replied. "Im a lawyer. Do you see me screwing the guy in front of me?"

brain is an xllent part in our body, it works 365 dayz n 24hrs a day until u fall in love

A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license. She replied in a huff, "I wish you guys could get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you."

The Judge asks the little girl: Now that your parents are getting divorced do you want to live with your mummy? Girl - No, my mummy beats me. Judge - Well then, I guess you want to live with your daddy. Girl- No, my daddy beats me too. Judge - Well then, who do you want to live with? Girl - I want to live with the Indian Cricket team, they never beat anybody !!!

Tom had this problem of getting up late in the morning and was always late for work. His boss was mad at him and threatened to fire him if he didn`t do something about it. So Tom went to his doctor who gave him a pill and told him to take it before he went to bed. Tom slept well and in fact beat the alarm in the morning. He had a leisurely breakfast and drove cheerfully to work. "Boss", he said, "The pill actually worked!" "That`s all fine,” said the boss, "But where were you yesterday?"

3 friends husband wife & friend go for a day out and as fate has it they get killed in a car crash. so up they go to heaven (one at a time not to see each other for a while) husband arrives in, and st peter gives him an old car and said this will do while you are with us as you were not a bad person but you where not to good .rember time you went with another woman behind your wife`s back.at this time his wife &friend was allready in heaven and had been given their transport. so off the husband went driving through heaven and when he came across his friend broken down along the road side, so he stopped and got out of his car and he bent up and down laughing at his friend as his friends car was far older than his an the car was falling apart , his friend said to him i dont know what you are laughing at i am only after seeing you wife go past on a push bike.

a drunk man was walking along the beach and he came across a crowd of holy men.( of which he did not know who they were.) a holy man approaches the drunk and ask`s him have you seen jesus my friend. the drunk says no. the holy man said do you want to find jesus ,the drunk man says yes ,so the holy man puts the drunk`s head under the water and pulls him up and ask`s my friend have you seen jesus ,the drunk said no,so the holy man puts his head under the water for a while longer pull`s his head back up and said to the drunk HAVE you seen jesus and the drunk said are you sure this is where he fell in.

The pianist... A church down south had a pianist that had a very large bossom. Her bossom, which offended most of the women of the parish, attracted too much attention during masses. So, the women got together and discussed how to remove this distraction. One lady took it upon herslef to discreetly go to the pianist and tell her that if she were to shrink them maybe she could continue to play for the church. She stated that if you crush some green persimmons and rub them on your bossom they should shrink because persimmons shrink anything they touch. The next Sunday the preacher walked up to the pulpit and said...'Dew to thircumthances beyond my contrwol, we will noth have a therrmon tewday."

Why did the fish die??

Hope you will like it.

What does a cannibal call a phonebook? A MENU!

A woman from New York was driving through a remote part of Arizona when her car broke down. An American Indian on horseback came along and offered her a ride to a nearby town. She climbed up behind him on the horse and they rode off. The ride was uneventful, except that every few minutes the Indian would let out a "Ye-e-e-e-h-a-a-a-a" so loud that it echoed from the surrounding hills. When they arrived in town, he let her off at the local service station, yelled one final "Ye-e-e-e-h-a-a-a-a!" and rode off. "What did you do to get that Indian so excited?" asked the service-station attendant. "Nothing," the woman answered. "I merely sat behind him on the horse, put my arms around his waist, and held onto the saddle horn so I wouldn't fall off." "Lady," the attendant said, "Indians don't use saddles."

A woman goes to an office,She attends the interview , and comes out... All are looking on her back side. She dont know why all are looking on her back, the reason is.,....... the office was furnishing with new designs, so the doors and other cup boards are altering. A sticker which was on the toilet door was removed and placed on the seat at the waiting hall.THE STICKER CONTAINED THE QUOTE " PLEASE USE BACK SIDE, THE FRONT WAY IS BLOCKED IN CASE OF ALTERATION".The woman just sits there. The sticker sticks out at her back side.

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A writst watch slipped down from the hands of a man in 50th Floor of the building. He cam running downstairs (Lift not working due to power supply). In the meantime, people who were climbing the staircase, asked the man what is the matter. The man said his wrist watch slipped off from his hand. THey said he wouldn't get it by the time he reaches grond floor. The man shouted saying I will get it. It was running 15 minutes slow. (If the joke is stale, do not laugh).

Travel Specials A travel agent offered me a 21 day special. He told me I would fly from New York to London. Then from Tokyo back to New York. I asked him.. "How am I supposed to get from London to Tokyo?" He told me "That is why we give you 21 days."

[1] No Love Bite A couple who'd been married for over 50 years was sitting on the sofa, when the wife said, "Dear, do you remember how you used to sit close to me?" He moved over and sat close to her. "Dear," she continued, "do you remember how you used to hold me tight?" He reached over and held her tight. "And," she went on, "do you remember how you used to hug me and kiss me and nibble on my ear?" With that, her husband got up and started to walk out of the room. "Where are you going?" she asked. "Well," answered the husband, "I have to get my teeth." [2] Return of Wife A man talking to his friend about what to do for his 50th wedding anniversary. The friend asked, "What did you do for your 25th?" He said, "I took my wife to Hawaii." The friend then asked, "What are you thinking about for your 50th?" He said, "Well I was thinking of bringing her back."