My rant for the day!

I know exactly where you are coming from. My daughter's dad has had nothing to do with her for 15 years. she will be 16 next month, so make that 16 years. He tells her to grow up when she cried and wants to see him. He has never told her Happy birthday, much less buy her one thing in all of her life. He didn't pay child support either for a very long time and now that he is caught up, he took me to court to be able to cliam her on his taxes every other year and he won. She lives with me 24/7 and he only pays $50.00 a week. when he files his taxes, he gets more back than what he pays in Chils Support. It isn't fair. we never get the child credit because my husband makes a little bit oo much. My husband does most of the providing for us. It sux!!!!

My goodness you have yourself a handful. I know exactly where you are coming from. I have to say that I have 4 monsters that I love dearly, and get critisized for having 3 jobs at the same time because I get $2.20 every three months for child support. Yes that was two dollars and twenty cents. Here's what you do: The next time your kids start their stuff, you sit them down and quietly ask them "How would you honestly feel if I did (and name what they did exactly) to you?" And sit and wait for a reply. When they look at you like you are stupid and they will trust me, ask again. Shut the tv off, shut the games off, turn off all distractions. When they ask you what's going on, simply say "We are having my time" and proceed to explain to them that if they are going to continue to berate you and be mean, then you can call the cops and have them removed and they will not go to dads house. You have that right, just to let you know. Then tell them as nicely as possible," I am only one person, I brought you into this world to give you as much love and support that I possible can. You are not your father, you are our child. When you are here I want respect. I love you and I want you to think about that." On the dad side, Tell dad how you feel, I know you probably have told them but sit down and write a letter if they wont listen. Don't critisize them but let them know that making you feel bad about BOTH of your choices to HAVE these kids and raise them is not helping the kids out. The thing is with separated parents is that we all have to work together like it or not. Child Protective Services is one that will tell you that AS TWO PARENTS YOU ARE A UNITED FRONT! That being said, let them know. You are running your own house and would really appreciate it if they will stop playing the kids against you. Being a single mom is one of the hardest things to go through. I would gladly give birth to 15 kids rather than be a single mom. I can't pay attention to all of them at the same time, (ok I can but that being said, I will be bald by morning). Children have their own personalities and need attention, but if you can't give positive attention because you are feeling worthless and exhausted, they aren't going to get that either. I would love to come to your house to see the kids in action. I am 4'11" tall and 120#, my six year old is 79lbs and he's a rough one. But I noticed after saying that speech that I typed for you above, he has calmed down. What you need is a helping hand and a friend to cry on. You need a "Mommy's day". After all the fighting with the ex and stuff and my kids pulling their stuff I was about to give up. I called a councelor hotline and she said if you don't want to give them up to dad then call child protective services and ask them to come to your home--don't do it over the phone. Ask someone to come there and watch what happens when dad pulls his stuff. Or when the kids are acting up. Seriously, they came to my house and let the kids know, what you are doing is wrong. Your mother loves you and you are not showing her love back. One of the kids piped up and said that I wouldn't buy her a new pair of jeans--of course the social worker looked all through the house and noticed that her closet was darn near the fullest in the house. All she told the kids and I quote " Your mother has to provide suitable clothing, that doesn't have to be name brand, or even fit for that matter. She has to provide a roof over your head and it doesn't matter if it REALLY was a cardboard box. And your mother has to provide food for you, and that doesn't mean McDonalds, or Burger King, as long as you don't go to be hungry, it could be hog-leg stew. What she doesn't have to do is put up with spoiled little kids who wouldn't know their rear ends from holes in the ground." She even told them that if mom needed a break she could call me and I can be the babysitter as soon as the cops got there. So, I hope this helps. It might take a while but you will get it. I found out that the more consistant I am the more they listen. I thought it was funny because she actually took the playstation 2 that they had for a week. ( she called me that same night and told me why she did it. and she would bring it back) I told her to keep it LOL, maybe she could scare them into behaving, I have to say though they have straightened up. If need be tell dad to keep his games, you don't need the hassle. Make them do homework, or housework, or even read a book--that kills them LOL take care and good luck hon!!

I can see where you are coming from, I don't have children but i have many around me, i think it is pretty much a selfish thing on the part of the ex's in your life, I guess they just need to put a downer on you for some reason, I know and you know they just would not be able to cope with what you are having to cope with and as far as your children are concerned, i guess it is something most parents do have to put up with until they go through that difficult stage, but they will realize one day, just hang in there things will be better for you in the future i am sure...

Don't let them get to you. They know how to push your buttons. It is easy for them to win them over. They know that if they spend money on them, for things they want, they have won them over. They don't have to deal with the day to day things. The kids will realize, probably a long time from now, what is going on. Take a long hot bath and relax. Hope things get better.

I'm sorry to hear you are having so many problems with your exes. You are right, if they have the money to spend on extravagant gifts, they should be helping to pay for more important things instead. Do you not have a child support order in place? That way you can spend the money as you see fit.

I can understand where you are coming from, but my situation is reversed. My husbands ex has the children, and gives them whatever they want, lets them do whatever they want and then when they get into trouble she leaves it up to us to do all the dicipline. She always tells him that he doesent pay enough in child support!! Now the oldest one thinks that she can talk to him however she wants. But that is only when she is on the phone, she does not do it when she comes here. Which isn't much lately!! It drives me crazy when the parents talk bad about the other parent because then it teaches the kids that it is ok to do!!