I'm in love
@just2crazygirlz (2479)
United States
January 19, 2008 9:43pm CST
with an alcoholic. It's hard. We can't be together but want to so badly. He is my soul mate and I find it hard to settle for anyone else. I don't know what to do. I am not getting any younger, already 28. My daughter deserves a father. No, this guy is not her bio dad. He doesn't have anything to do with her and is in Italy. If you have read my personal blog at all, you will understand what I am talking about. I just can't seem to break away and can't be with him either. We go for weeks where we don't even speak. It used to be months. Now he calls every few weeks if not once a week. He calls me, I do not call him. I don't usually go to his place either. He tells me he loves me. He tells me that he sleeps so good when he is with me, that he doesn't know why or what it is about me that does this to him.
I have been involved with this guy for 10 years going on 11. I have to make a decision. I have to be done with this. Have to be. Yet, I can't not answer the phone.
What if it is that one time he really needs me? What if I didn't answer that phone and the next day I find out he's gone? It isn't about stopping him, it's about talking to him that one last time.
I love this man with all of my heart. I cannot change him and won't even try. I know he loves me. I will always feel it. I am crying even as I type this. I know what real true love feels like. I won't be able to settle for anything else because I will know I am settling. No other guy has ever made me feel the way this guy does. It breaks my heart knowing that I cannot change this situation. I want to spend the rest of my life with this guy,but I can't wait forever.
6 people like this
6 responses
@hdyggs (685)
• United States
27 Jan 08
Well one thing you did get right, you can not change him he himself has to want too change an if he is in AA he needs too follow the 12 step program one of them is people places and things.Sometimes if you love someone you have too let them go. I know 10-11 yrs is a long term investment in a relationship an out side of having the paper you might as well been married.Now here is the other thing getting this peice or paper that saids you are husband&wife, will it make your love stronger or hurt it? You two have been somewhat together 4 a while now,but have you lived together, an not over nite or weekends. I mean spend time together as a family.I`m guessing your daughter likes him,seee how that works out having family around him 4 surpport an too also help him keep up his 12 dtep program. Their are programs you can go too that will help you help him.
@just2crazygirlz (2479)
• United States
28 Jan 08
I don't even care about marriage. Never really have. It might be nice, but it isn't the important part.
We never actually lived together as in we said that we were moving in together. He stayed with me all the time. I worked evenings then and he worked days. He would come to my house in the evening and be here when I came home from work. He would always tell me to wake him and I would argue that I wasn't gonna. He would always wake up though.
We did family stuff. Went shopping, to walmart, watched movies, went to friends houses. It was great.
I won't force anything on him.
He still to this day makes me tingle all over. Just the sound of his voice. My heart beats faster. Writing this makes me want to cry. What if no one else ever makes me feel this way? I don't want to settle. I want him.
@victoria1984 (12)
• China
20 Jan 08
hi,friend, God bless u! u will get what u desired.
world is so big,and sometimes, it is also so small.
friend came from very distant place. when u are get together,and fall in love. it is not esay! everyone have a special experience for their love. please cherish all of happy moment!
1 person likes this
@makemoneywithadsense (431)
• Cambodia
22 Jan 08
Hope you the best in 2008 maybe :)
1 person likes this
@stephens88 (1)
• Malaysia
20 Jan 08
You are difficult to understand. It is obvious that you are deeply in love with him and yet you are not thinking of a solution. You say you love him and yet say that you won't change him. This is very controversial. True love can go beyond limits. Many alcholics have been cured today and it is not the end of the world for your lover. Look for a positive solution and not live in self-sympathy. You say you have been crazy of him for 10 years now. Is this going to be dream finally. Girl, you have to wake up, stand straight and look in front of you for a solution. You appear to be so helpless without hope. Your friend is not the only alcholic in this world. Many today are living a quality life.
