your father

Canada
January 25, 2008 1:03am CST
what if your father left your family for another woman and it hurts you so much coz you loved and pity your mother for the pain that your father gave her and to your family. that this pain makes you hate him very much... will you accept him again if time comes that he wanted to come back to your life?
2 people like this
5 responses
@cindytao (38)
• China
27 Jan 08
I have a perfect and harmony family.But if this terrible thing happens and father comes back after his betray,I will forgive him in a dauther's side,but cannot forgive him for the hurt to my mother.Whether accecpting him will large depends on mother's thoughts,because mother is the only person who will go on to live together with the man who ever betrayed her.
• Canada
27 Jan 08
ya, i agree with you... i am thinking of that too. coz as a daughter i love my father and really i missed him... for five years of not seeing him i know part of me is missing or out of place. but still, i cannot accept the heart ache that he did to my mom and i carry that heart ached too. sometimes my brother and sister are asking me if i am ready to forgive, well, maybe because they are also confused and since i am the eldest they would like to know my feelings about it. but still i reply to them with the line "i dont know, coz i'm not ready yet. let's wait and see what will happen when we se each other face to face, coz i'm not ready for that now..."all i know is that i miss him so much.
• Canada
27 Jan 08
oh, by the way you are very lucky. iam so happy for you. i hope your family will stay that way forever. keep on smiling.
• United States
25 Jan 08
I have a ex wife that when my current wife was away on a long trip..she seen me at a local Bob Evans and we chatted up...she called me later as this was my birthday and asked me to go out an do something..i was flattered but I said no thank you but thanks for the invite..i have a wife and the reason we stay together is that we have a 22 year old marriage...I did not think the first wife would ask me out as we went through a lot of bad times but I always was decent to her family even after we got divorced...but don't mistake kindness for weakness...even if I was not marrie I should not go out with an ex...it would be tempting as we always had fun when we got along.. Your parents hav feelings too..you really don't know how your mother feels about this man you call your father...they must have had something going but things happen and not all stories have a happy ending...i find my ex wife very charming and she still looks attractive but once is enough and when you have another women who is you current wife...you better not play with fire...the truth always comes out in the end...
• United States
25 Jan 08
by the way ..i got along good with her children..two girls and a two boys..all grown up...an have lives of their own..so it would have only hurt my current wife...but that is the reason I said no thanks...you never go wrong doing the right thing...cheating is not the way to live...it is cheap and demeaning to the women and the man
• Canada
25 Jan 08
you can say that coz your are legally divorced with your first wife. but how about the feelings of your children from your first wife did you also consider their feelings? my parents were not legally separated and they never had any compromise yet. it was so sad and so painful for me to see my family be broken by someone...wish her go to hell. i hate her so much that other woman. i love my dad i really do. but i hated what he had done to this family. he ripped us apart. i havent seen him for almost 5years now. during the first year of tears...everytime he visited me... i hide coz i dont want to see him. i guess im not the only child who feel this way. but still i am trying to accept what had happen to my family. i just wish until this day that i am only having a bad dream and that when i wake up my father is still here with us.
@soulist (2985)
• United States
10 Mar 08
How could I not accept my father? Yea he would have hurt my mom, but if time comes when he wants back in my life I would accept him back and work on building our relationship for that fact that he is my dad.
• United States
27 Jan 08
my father did that more than 40 years ago and believe me i do know what pain you are going through....but about 15 years ago i found my father again and i forgave him and i am really glad that i did...not long after we found each other again my father was diagnosed with dementia so we started to lose him again but i was able to have at least 11 good years with him before the dementia was so bad that he did not really know what was going on....then we found out that he had cancer and i lost him two years ago this month.....i have to tell for all of the pain that i went through when he left and all of the anger i felt.....i know now that those are not the memories that i need to dwell on i have the last 15 years to hold onto and for that i will forever be grateful....so yes i accepted him back into my life and i am glad that i did
• Canada
28 Jan 08
im sorry to hear that. but i'm glad you did forgive him... and have some time to be with him. and for sure where ever he is right now, he's happy. i hope i could do that too, someday... and hopefully when my father comes back he is still healthy so we can cope up with the time that was lost. :-)
• Australia
10 Mar 08
Fortunately this doesnt happen in our family. My father still loves my mom very much after all this time. But, I do have several friends that have cases like this. Most of them told me that it really did hurts them deeply, but mostly not only because their father left their mother.. but also because they feel their father didnt think they are worthy enough to love. Some of them feels that their father didnt want to be part of their life again. I wouldnt dispute that.. and I do think it is up to them if they want or dont want to accept their father in their life at later time, but one thing I have to say.. dont hold on to the hate that you feel for him. And also, no matter what, he was still your father even if he is not someone that you can call dad anymore.. he is still what makes you YOU... and without him, then there wont be any you... remember that once before.. you were still created out of love that he and yourmother feels... according to my friend experience, this way of thinking lessen the hurt much.. and make her able to sort of accept her father in her life ...
• Canada
10 Mar 08
thank you for that wonderful advise!:-)