My Child Doesn't Want to Potty (Toilet) Train
By lisaviews
@lisaviews (184)
United States
January 25, 2008 6:52pm CST
This is my 3rd child. She is 3 years old (almost). She wants NOTHING to do with the potty chair and tells me over and over, "No. Just change my diaper."
Ugh! I'm a gagger. My gut reflexes turn extremely harsh when faced with a poopy diaper. And I think, "My other 2 kids were potty-trained by the time they were 14 months old."
In today's world, this would have been a major thing. In today's world, we are supposed to "go with the flow" and not pressure them into doing going on the toilet. Supposedly, this will hinder our results. However, I never pressured my older kids to toilet train, they simply wanted to do it.
And so I have tried to do all of the normal things to nudge her into the realm of the restroom. Yes, we've tried offering stickers, M&M's... She has cute Princess, Minnie Mouse, Tinkerbell, etc. panties, plus the really cool cushioned flowered ones... Pull-ups... Changing her diaper in the restroom and allowing her to flush the doodles down the toilet. We have a chart (that never gets filled up). We have videos, books, dolls, and stuffed animals that go "potty", too!
She simply does not want to go. I'm ready; she is not. When will she be? According to pediatrician, she is normal, and I'll just have to wait...
3 people like this
8 responses
@lavenderbloom (1057)
• United Arab Emirates
26 Jan 08
Don't worry. Take it cool. It takes some time for some kids. But they will understand gradually. Enjoy all the lovely moments and don't worry. Take care.
1 person likes this
@Sillychick (3275)
• United States
26 Jan 08
Your pediatrician is right. If she is not ready, no amount of stickers or m&ms will make her ready. It could be a power trip for her. She knows how badly you want it, so she won't do it. Try backing off a little. Put a little more responsibility on her for changing herself. When she is only wet, have her do it all by herself. When she has poop, help her but have her do as much as possible by herself. Make sure she is wearing clothes that she can put on and take off by herself, and let her be in charge of getting herself dressed. Emphasize what she does well. Once she thinks you have lost interest, she may just go for it and do it. Let her be in charge, or at least feel like she is, of when she uses the toilet.
You need to have patience. It is hard, but you can't compare kids or expect them to reach milestones at the same time. All are very, very different- even siblings.
1 person likes this
@lisaviews (184)
• United States
28 Jan 08
Thanks. Although I'm not sure having her change herself will work. It is a really messy thing, and I don't have the patience for THAT kind of clean up. But, I think I will focus on emphasizing other things she does well, as per your suggestion, and "losing" interest in the potty. Maybe I'll even put the chair "away" for awhile... Thanks again!
@Lindalinda (4111)
• Canada
26 Jan 08
Have you been to the library and tried to find some books on toilet training for kids who do not want it? I don't recall having a lot of prolems with my kids but one of my relatives is raising her grandchildren and had a really hard time. Two of them were 4 1/2 and she was in a real panic because they were starting kindergarden. Also the boy was very tall for his age and looked older and when she had to take him to emergency for something else the nurse really read her the riot act. A couple of years later she had the same problem with the little girl. She was due to start 5 year old kindergarden in September and in August she still pooped in her diaper. It was summer then so out of desperation my cousin took away the diapers except for night time. There were a few nasty accidents in the backyard but in the nick of time before September 1 the little girl was trained. Do not despair your little daughter is not quite three and I am sure if you are patient and have a couple of minutes of potty time each day around the time when she goes poo eventually it will work.They all do get it in time.
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@lisaviews (184)
• United States
28 Jan 08
Thanks. I know she will. It just gets frustrating. She just is so not ready. We have tried doing what the books say... doing panties, and "timing" it. She just seriously does not have the control she needs just yet. Time will come, eventually.
@SViswan (12051)
• India
26 Jan 08
WEll, if your pediatrician says wait...maybe that's right.
Here in India (or atleast in my family) we start potty training early. In fact, the moment the child is able to sit on a potty seat (and I always used a potty ring and not a potty seat). With my first son, he was always game for anything and potty training was a breeze (pun intended). By 1.5 years of age he was completely potty trained and we saved a lot on diapers..lol
My second is 14 months now and we've already started potty training. At first he refused to sit on the potty seat and would cry everytime I made him sit on it. But I just kept at it and picked him up when I thought he wanted to potty and put him on the seat. He soon learnt and is okay with sitting on the potty. He even flushes after he goes.
@SViswan (12051)
• India
28 Jan 08
Oh yes...talk about different personalities! My two are poles apart...and I had to keep at it for 2 months before the younger one is comfortable sitting on the potty.
My older one took to everything I tried to train him in like a duck to water. But my younger one sure is a rebel and refuses any change that he is not comfortable with till I am firm and persistent and that becomes a habit.
@lisaviews (184)
• United States
28 Jan 08
Yes, I remember how easy it was with my other two, I'm just dealing with a completely different personality and timeline. Good for your boys. Keep up the good work.
1 person likes this
@lisaviews (184)
• United States
28 Jan 08
Yes, my other girls were easily potty trained much earlier. This child, however, just flat refuses, and when I was "forcing" the issue, would scream and cry, waking up my husband, who works the night shift. It is a very difficult situation, so I'm listening more to the pediatrician. Thank you for your response.
@barehugs (8973)
• Canada
26 Jan 08
well stop with the diaper. A diaper will stay warm and comfortable when its wet. get some panties with tight legs that will get cold and feel uncomfortable when wet and dirty. Don't be in a hurry to change her panties. Shes making you suffer, so let her try it too. She will get tired of being cold and wet. This will change her mind.
@lisaviews (184)
• United States
28 Jan 08
Hmm... when I change her diaper, it is cold, not warm and comfortable. I would like for this not to be a bad memory with repercussions at a later date, hence the research and pediatrician's referrals. She is much too young to make me "suffer" on purpose. I would hope we are not raising our children to this vindictive level at such a young age. But hey! Thanks for trying.
1 person likes this
@suzykl (1)
• Canada
12 Nov 08
My almost 3 year old (3 in 2 weeks time) sounds just like your daughter. She has no interest at all in the potty, wants to wear diapers and likes being a baby and we have tried all the rewards in the world too, she still wont do it! I have taken the last few days to just concentrate on potty training, (not leaving the house or doing anything) and putting her on the potty for up to 1 hour until she pees. (This is the way my husband has insisted we do it.) Of course she is going to pee on the potty if she is sitting on it all day, but when we take her off, she just pees on the carpet. If we put her on the potty for just 10 mins or so she just pees in her pants when she comes off. I have had to change her clothes 2 times already today and its only 11am!
It is reasuring that I am not alone and that there is nothing wrong with my daughter. My oler daughter who just turned 4 was fairly late in training but she was done pretty much by the time she was 3 years and 2 weeks.
Hopefully it will happen for us soon too. I would be happy if she went just once a day on her own accord so I knew that she had GOT IT. But she doesnt seem to realize the sensation just before she has to go.
Anyway good luck. keeping my fingers crossed for both of us!
@MamaDoll (1)
• Canada
15 Jun 11
I am in the same boat :( Our oldest turned 3 mid April & refuses to use the potty. When I try to get her to use it she crys, yelling "but I don't want to go pee pee on the potty!" Today I decided I was just going to put her in panties. I have a potty in the living room for her so it's close. She's wet her panties twice, & didn't seem to care one bit. The second time around she grabbed the towel that was close at hand & cleaned her feet/legs off herself. I had her sit on the potty after I took her panties off & she insisted I put another pair of panties on her. She wants to wear panties but doesn't want to go pee pee on the potty :( I am frustrated with the situation. Is it possible that she truly isn't ready & we should wait a little longer? I don't want to push her but i'm so tired of changing her bum. I can sit there & have a full on conversation with her, it's weird to me that I still need to change her diaper. She's such a smart little girl, & she's always been ahead when it came to development (crawling, walking, talking, etc.) yet with this she wants NOTHING to do with it. I wanted to add that we try with the 'treats' & stuff. She started asking for the potty before her second birthday. I was pregnant again & our baby had complications which forced me to be 8 hours from home for 6 weeks at a speciality hospital. I know this probably put a damper on the potty training, but our youngest is almost a year old now - she should be passed any feelings of resentment by now (I would hope), nor has she shown any signs of resentment towards myself, my husband, or her baby sister. Help? :(
@kraziekara (54)
• United States
26 Jan 08
I am there with you. My 3 1/2 year old isn't quite as negative about the potty, but never-the-less won't go consistently. Randomly he will ask to go poop or pee, but not even once a day. I used to buy pull-ups, but figured they were too expensive, so I've switched to Luvs. He has plenty of big-boy underwear and big boy boxers too, but he just pee's right through them, and we won't even go there with #2. I'm a gagger too, but my husband usually takes the nasty ones because he would rather deal with the poopy diaper than my puke. I'll wish you luck if you wish me luck!
@lisaviews (184)
• United States
7 Feb 08
Update! We went for my daughter's 3-year check up... The Kaiser (major network in the US) Foundation states by 3 1/2, if they still have not potty-trained, they are just not ready. To take out all of the reminders of potty, change their diaper quickly, do not "leave it" soiled as to punish or humiliate them. Things will come naturally. Uh... I'm still waiting. But with more patience. Thanks!
@kraziekara (54)
• United States
26 Jan 08
I am there with you. My 3 1/2 year old isn't quite as negative about the potty, but never-the-less won't go consistently. Randomly he will ask to go poop or pee, but not even once a day. I used to buy pull-ups, but figured they were too expensive, so I've switched to Luvs. He has plenty of big-boy underwear and big boy boxers too, but he just pee's right through them, and we won't even go there with #2. I'm a gagger too, but my husband usually takes the nasty ones because he would rather deal with the poopy diaper than my puke. I'll wish you luck if you wish me luck!
@lisaviews (184)
• United States
28 Jan 08
Good luck to you! (Now maybe the luck you wish me will work - lol!) My husband has never changed one of her diapers, so I consider you VERY fortunate. Keep him trained. Thanks.
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