What do you do when you pet passes on? Do you bury them, cremate them...OR??
@Perspectives (7131)
Canada
January 26, 2008 1:01am CST
This may not be a pleasant discussion for some people...especially if they are not pet owners or animal lovers. However, it is a topic that few talk about...but something that needs more air time than it gets. There is increasing cruelty towards all animals, domestic and those in the natural world and I wonder it is because we now live in such a 'disposable society' that our connection to the natural world has less meaning than it did for our ancestors and aboriginal people who did...and still do understand the interconnectedness within all aspects of life.
We had to put our beloved dog Tasha down two weeks this coming Monday. When our pets are put to rest our approach has always been to have them cremated. We pay to have their ashes returned and we honor the life we had with them by either keeping their ashes in an urn until we have a felt sense where our pet would like to be honored in an 'ashes to ashes...dust to dust' ceremony.
Our one dog Meishka was cremated two years ago and we finally are ready to spread his ashes in the rolling hills where he loved to romp and play. Tasha who loved to follow me around in the garden will be laid to rest there...as a celebration of our bond...and because she was happy there in life...and we believe that will be so in her afterlife.
So would any of you be willing to tell me what you have done...do or plan to do when your beloved pets pass on. For those of you who do not have pets...have you ever given any consideration to what you think should happen to them? Do you think the majority of pets receive the same love when they die as they did when they were alive?
I have included the lovely card and comments they offered when we picked up Tasha's ashes a few days ago. We greatly appreciate the sensitive, caring and honoring way this Veterinary Clinic always handles things whenever we have to say goodbye to any of our precious furry family members and wondered if any of you have had similar experiences...or not.
Thanks for anyone who cares to contribute...this will give closure to the loss of Tasha...and we are already starting accept what cannot be changed. Even our cat Tigger who missed her the most is beginning to adapt to not having his 'favorite girl to lie beside and snuggle with as he did from the first day we brought him home.
Raia
9 people like this
14 responses
@Grandmaof2 (7579)
• Canada
26 Jan 08
When my daughter was still going to school and working part time we went together and bought a poodle. He was a red toy poodle. He was gorgeous and we named him Rusty. We both loved him dearly and he lived a long and happy life, in fact my daughter married in year 2000 and she already had her first born child before it was time to put Rusty down. After a lot of crying and knowing it had to be done I offered to take Rusty to the animal hospital. I had to walk out when it was obvious to me Rusty knew I was kissing him goodbye and the last words the vet told me was, "You and your daughter need to know Rusty has lived a very long life because he's always had the best." We had him cremated and his ashes were sent to the city to be spread with other animal ashes and the cost was no extra all we paid for was just a needle to put him to sleep. After my daughter married she wanted Rusty to live with her and she took such good care of him. He had his shots and anything else he may have ever needed. I had visitation rights anytime and he got to come home with me whenever I wanted and for hair cuts or to stay when my daughter went away. Now my pet is a four pound Maltese. It is no easy walk in the park when we need to part with these little guys.
@Perspectives (7131)
• Canada
26 Jan 08
Hi and thank you for sharing how you, your daughter and your family respectfully honored your pet's passaged to what I believe is the next realm. The incidents you describe show how much you loved them. To me they deserve a peaceful passage and the approach you took is akin to ours. However we do it I believe they know that we hate to see them go as much as they are sad to leave.
I hope you and your sweet Maltese have many, many more years together. Our friends have a Maltese too..his name is Toby-Lou and I have included a photo of him that I thought you'd enjoy. They are cute and very smart dogs alright.
I appreciate your heart warming comments and your friendship.
Raia
3 people like this
@Grandmaof2 (7579)
• Canada
26 Jan 08
Toby-Lou is a cutie. I love these dogs and you're right they are very smart. Thank You for your kind remarks all the time. I appreciate you too.
3 people like this
@Grandmaof2 (7579)
• Canada
27 Jan 08
Raia Thank You. No we have never found any behavioral problems with our Maltese ever. There's been no biting or anything and it's very obvious to us that we are both loved very much. There's things our Maltese will do with one of us and not with the other. Our dog will very rarely play ball with me and yet will fetch the ball for my husband till my husband says enough is enough. With me the dog will climb up on the back of my chair (recliner) then put both front feet on my head and look down at my face then climbs down my shoulder and sits in the chair with me for hours. We never leave our dog alone so maybe that's the difference I don't know, but they are very smart dogs.
3 people like this
@pyewacket (43903)
• United States
26 Jan 08
Very early on when I was younger, my mother had gotten burial plots good enough for four pets...this was out in the Wantaugh, Long Island Bide a Wee. Buried there are Biddy (the black and white kitty in that photo in your other discussion), Friskey, Babette and Tommy. Later on, to be honest it just got too expensive to keep getting plots, so our other babies we would have cremated...I still have the ashes of many of those kitties that passed on...Snoopy, Mickey, Taffy, Willie, Cindy. Tippy, Bobbie and so many more. With Willie's ashes I open up the box and add a small fresh sprig of a pine bough when I get a Christmas tree...this may sound silly, but Willie was the Christmas tree cat...he LOVED Christmas trees. When it came time to take the tree down, he would always look so forlorn and sad, and would follow me practically out the door as I took it out....when I came back up from taking the tree down, I'd open the door and he'd be sitting there so sad looking and I would have to reassure him that before you know it Willie a new tree will come in...on the wall near where I always have the tree in the living room I have a plaque with his photo on it...so even in spirit he can be near his tree.
Then unfortunately even that got to be too expensive to have babies cremated and have the ashes returned so in later years, we simply had them in a communal cremation.
Since I went on so much about Willie..the Christmas tree cat...thought I'd post a picture of him here.
4 people like this
@Perspectives (7131)
• Canada
27 Jan 08
Hi Pyewacket...thanks for the photo...I saw it a couple of days ago and had posted a a response at 2:00 AM and the server times out and I lost it. I was tired and frustrated and left it for a couple of day...but I am back. We have gal-pal visiting and I am struggling to balance time with Mylot friends...and my in house friend.
Anyway I once again appreciate hearing how you have responded to giving your pets an honorable passage to the next realm. I can appreciate how financially challenging it would be to keep have all the ashes of the multitude of cats you have had returned. I am sure they know that the Rainbow Memory Book you have created for them is illustrative of your love and appreciation for each one of them. The beautiful photos you took and share here is the greatest memorial any pet could ever want.
Your tender way of honoring Willie is very precious. I wondered if you have considered creating an Anthology of all the pets you have loved and released and looking for a publisher. Your stories and photos are so very moving it would be a great coffee table book. Just a suggestion...but you have much to offer...and I value everything you present here. Thank you.
Raia
3 people like this
@meljessxena (2315)
• Australia
27 Jan 08
im so sorry about your losses. its so hard to even think straight when you lose important people and animals in your life, i have lost a few dogs of the years, and we bury them in a nice area and put a stone on there with their name and the date they passed.
i have lost 3 dogs and a bird, bury them close to home so we know and they know they always close to us.
2 people like this
@meljessxena (2315)
• Australia
28 Jan 08
thats a nice idea, having them close to you, just so much more special having them close.
2 people like this
@Perspectives (7131)
• Canada
27 Jan 08
Hello...and thank your for sharing how you honor your pets' passages. Thank you for your condolences...and yes, you are right it never gets any easier.
I love what you have done and rather envy those who have the ways and means to bury rather than cremate their pets. I would think it gives a different kind of closure to be able to honor them that way. After reading about the various pet grave yards many of you have created I think David and I will create one in our back yard with our two dogs ashes.
Thank your for that...and yes our love and their spirits are always close to us. The love-bond we share live on past their physical passing to another realm.
Raia
1 person likes this
@Perspectives (7131)
• Canada
28 Jan 08
Thanks...yes, feeling their presence in a more tangible way does help. It is so wonderful to share ideas here and to feel the support we offer each other. Thanks for stopping back...still trying to catch up on quite a few unresolved discussions. Best responses are a challenge with so many good replies. It is my least favorite thing here..how does one pick the 'best of the best?' I know we all struggle with this at times...and that is what I am doing right now! (smiles)
Raia
@zeloguy (4911)
• United States
26 Jan 08
I can only remember twice when I had to bury an animal. My childhood dog was hit by (of all things) a dump truck (no pain I guess) and there were some kittens that were born still-born.
As for the dog, we buried what remained of him in our backyard and had a cross of where he was buried. That was quite sad for me because it was the first thing/person that I had ever loved that had passed.
As for the kittens I don't quite remember but it was quite a less traumatic experience then burying my childhood dog.
If I may ask... it would REALLY help if you put your sentences in paragraphs. It makes it hard to read and I really want to be able to read everything you are writing. Thanks in advance!
3 people like this
@Perspectives (7131)
• Canada
27 Jan 08
Hello again my new friend. Thank you for sharing your stories. Must have been hard to lost a dog through an accident. We have never had that happen...and I hope it never does. Childhood dogs hold special memories throughout life...I still have strong, visual/energetic connections to my first pet. Her name was Blondie. This pure bread cocker followed me through many nature walks in the woods and lived over 12 years.
I am not sure what you mean about putting my sentences in paragraphs...I would be happy to do so if you could clarify what you mean. If you check back on all my posts and responses paragraphs are always there. If you mean not connecting the sentences with dots I will be happy to do that if you wish. Whatever works! I appreciate your interest in my topics and will be happy to oblige.
Raia
2 people like this
@Perspectives (7131)
• Canada
27 Jan 08
Hi again...I commented and gave your photo a plus. I have included a photo of Tasha. You can see the cross breeding of Lab/Shepherd. Love those ears!
Raia
2 people like this
@zeloguy (4911)
• United States
27 Jan 08
Yes losing the dog was traumatic.
As for the paragraphs (double returns)... look at your first post on here then look at the answer you gave me.
The post is hard to read, the answer is wonderful. Just puts less strain on my poor eyes. Thanks for doing that for me
3 people like this
@lightningd (1039)
• United States
26 Jan 08
Although an unpleseant topic, it is something that we pet owners have to deal with at some point. I live on a small ranch, were we raise horses, and we have dogs and cats.
We have had horses that passed on of old age, and they are burried out on the hill in the pasture, near their favorite shade tree. That has also become the final resting spot for our dogs and cats that have passed on. We make the dogs and cats wooden caskets, and we dig them a hole out there in the pasture, we wrap them in their favorite blanket, and put their faorite toy in with them. Each one's grave is currently marked with a rock, but I will be getting stones engraved with their names when funds are available.
With our animals I feel it is the right thing to do. Just north of our property line in the north pasture is an old Otoe burial ground. So I feel it is the right place for my pets.
3 people like this
@raeann682008 (32)
• United States
26 Jan 08
Hi, This is a great discusion. We sadly have lost many pets. We bury them in our yeard in differnt places.. We have started a pet grave yard, but that is in the back of the yard, so we decided to bury them closer tothe hosue so we can be near them more. First Max he was a dog that was left at my house. He was old ,blind and fragil. Next
is Sammy, he was a parrot. Then Nevaeh, she was hit by a car, she was 5 we had since a pup.. She is out under my bedroom window. The last is Nay Nay, another dog that someone asked me to watch till they had a place they could keep her. We had her 8 months and the owner knew she was dying and dint come get her, she was 15 years old. Sadly she passed with out her real owner sayng good by. We buried here in the fron corner of the house last fall, and planted some tulips to pop up in spring where she is.
Our animals were family to us. Sammy use to eat with use off his own plate. He also loved to watch Montel and Spnge Bob, he sang the spnge bob song and woud literlaly ask to watch montel, he even somehow learned what time he was on and would ask for it to be turned on.
Well that is my story.. Pets are part of a family. And we take in ones whenasked that arent wanted and give them the love they diserve.
3 people like this
@Perspectives (7131)
• Canada
27 Jan 08
Thank you...I am glad you like this discussion and chose it to be among your first as a new member here. It is wonderful to see so many new people joining our community...and that many of them are animal lovers too.
Oh how fortunate you and your pets are to be able to have a pet graveyard on your property...I wish we could have had that. When I envision what an honoring process it would be to be able to go back and visit them in their own special place!
Being able to share in your historical highlights of your various fur-baby family members is truly a privilege...thank you so much! The love an appreciation for your furry family members jumps off the screen. I can sense the depth of emotion and appreciation you have for each of them. That really resonates for me...because I feel as you do..pets are part of a family! Part of why I posted this discussion was because I wanted to read the touching comments I knew would follow. Yours is certainly among them.
Raia
2 people like this
@visitorinvasion (7709)
• United States
27 Jan 08
Raia, dear Raia.
I am so sorry you are going through this.
I have been there. Unfortunately, when we lost our beloved Animal, it was a week before Christmas and I had just quit my job att. We had no other choice than to take his body to the animal shelter for cremation. It was sad, and has taken me 3 years to get over it. Still not ready for a new pet, but my son's dog, Ozzy, is a good start.
I hope that David and your other pets can help you get through this. The loss of a pet is no different than the loss of a family member.
I'm sorry I haven't been able to be here for you.
Sending big fat cyber hugs.
Take care, my friend.
Shannon
2 people like this
@Perspectives (7131)
• Canada
27 Jan 08
Hello my sweet friend Shannon...
Thank your for your care, concern and understanding. Please know that no apology is needed or expected. How I see the strength of our bond is that we have somehow managed to really 'get' each other...whether we are in touch or not. I often think of you out there doing your part to add love, light and 'awakenings' too everyone you know, love...and meet. That takes a lot of time and energy. I am also sensitive to the fact that you are mom, a wife...and student. Makes my head spin when I think of all you are and all you. I trust we will continue to interact and connect when we can and as long as we keep in touch as time permits...we are there for each other.
I know one of us will pick up the phone on some Saturday when we least expect it. I feel very strongly that we will remain in each others' lives because of the high comfort level and sense of mutual support that was there...from our earliest chats.
Thanks for dropping by and sharing your stories. If I can offer a little suave for your unhealed wounds...I am sure Ozzy was tuned in to you and your circumstances to know you did not have any other options available at the time. My Mom always said that dog is God spelled backwards and that is why they are able to offer the kind of unconditional love they do. I am sure Ozzy was relieved to bt out of his body...across the Rainbow Bridge and enjoying his spiritual freedom without any regrets for how his transition took place. In case you didn't see it I have included two poems friends offered to David and I. Hope it helps to ease your regrets.
Big fat, warm fuzzy Cyber hugs to you too! I got yours..feels great!
Raia
Four Feet in Heaven
Your favorite chair is empty now,
no eager barks to greet me.
No softly padded paws to run,
ecstatically to meet me.
No coaxing rubs, no plaintive cry
will say it's time for feeding.
I've put away your bowl
and all the things you won't be needing.
But I will miss you, my friend,
for I could never measure
the happiness you brought me,
the comfort and the pleasure.
And since God put you here to share
in earthly joy and sorrow,
I'm sure there'll be a place for you
in Heaven's bright tomorrow!
--Alice E. Chase
The website is here
http://www.mogdoggy.com/poetry18.html
I will have to post the second in the next response. When I went to cut and past it I couldn't find it.
+ - !
1 person likes this
@dodoguy (1292)
• Australia
5 Feb 08
Hi Perspectives,
It's a peculiar thing, but I do believe we're actually able to get to know our animal companions better than most humans, maybe because there's no pretension or judgment nor any strings attached (on their part, at least).
But it's a different species of companionship, to coin a phrase. I don't place so much attachment on the shell that's left behind when a pet passes on, as I'd be inclined to do with a human, which speaks to the perception of personhood in each case. Perhaps a good lesson on the twilight-zonish nature of who we really are and where we're going, taught through the vehicle of the poor companion souls who've been dragged to this firmament through no fault of their own.
Not that it doesn't hurt - the pain of missing a friend is the same no matter the species, and they're just as surely nowhere to be found any more.
I recall, in my younger years, a Nun instructing me that animals "don't have souls" - and I knew from the outset that she was wrong. Of course they have souls. What they have in abundance that we so sorely lack is innocence, so we might expect to see them again in that place where innocent souls go to rest.
@Lakota12 (42600)
• United States
27 Jan 08
I have never thought to put Fang any where else but up by hubby but then again as he spent all his time in here with me I might sould bring him in here but then I spend equal time in the front room.
Or his favorite spot was under my bed and I dont think I want to put ashes there so wiill keep him where I have him now/. hugs
2 people like this
@Perspectives (7131)
• Canada
27 Jan 08
Hello my animal loving friend! I think you and Fang will both know where he should be because the bond you shared lives on...just as it does with all others who are just a 'realm away.' I can appreciate that where he is might be a preferable place than under your bed. His spirit is close no matter where his ashes are. At least that is how I feel about Tasha and Meishka.
However, after reading about the many animal buried grounds in this discussion David and I were talking about creating a site with their ashes and a headstones in our back yard this Spring. We could do our planned ceremony that way instead of spreading them as we had originally planned.
See isn't Mylot grand...so many ideas that we offer each other!
Raia
1 person likes this
@twoey68 (13627)
• United States
12 May 08
Normally I bury them. My Petey is buried at my Mom's farmhouse. This is going to sound gross I know but my Mom is getting ready to sell her farmhouse and I want to keep Petey's remains with me. I am going to see about having someone get them and put them in a lock box so when my time comes, we can be buried or cremated together. I just can't bear the thought of leaving him out there alone.
**AT PEACE WITHIN**
~~STAND STRONG IN YOUR BELIEFS~~
1 person likes this
@pergammano (7682)
• Canada
4 Feb 08
Yes, this is a very difficult thing to discuss! I am very lucky, I live in the country & do have my "memorial garden," on my 3 acres of property. My pets are interred there! I have a bench where I can sit with them. Sadly enough, I have 4 members of my family there.
The hardest thing that I have found is prepraring for their end. But I learned the hard way, I have a very senior dog who has had 2 strokes! Now, whilst I am not overwhelmed with grief I have prepared the site & built him a beautiful coffin & created a headstone. I know it sounds grotesque, but when my other senior dog passed 2 summers ago, I was not prepared and a task, such as grave digging/coffin making took me days to do! I would start & then just crumble in grief.
I am sitting here in tears....as I find the most difficult choice is are they still having "quality of life?" My poor little fella that has had the 2 strokes is spending a lot of time sleeping, but gets disorientated easily! I just wished there was a way of me knowing if he is having pain, so many questions. Thank you for hearing me out.
1 person likes this
@pergammano (7682)
• Canada
5 Feb 08
Raia, thank you so much, for your kind & sensitive response. It has taken me this long to respond because your answer was soooo touching! Obviously penned by a true "little person" lover.
My son says I live in "per 'pet' uality" as I foster cats & dogs, so always have new little bodies, with new personalities & quirks to keep me light-hearted in these times of "wondering."
My own little guy "Tosh" who is 14, who's had the strokes is my great concern, as he is on "prednizone" and aspirins. After he's had his pill, he's his usual bubbly self, but as the pill wears off..he fades! Am I being selfish keeping him around?
Furthermore I am totally thrilled that I am corresponding with a fellow Canadian, and how is your winter in your world? I live on a small Island off the coast of British Columbia.
1 person likes this
@Perspectives (7131)
• Canada
5 Feb 08
Hello...and it is a pleasure to have you here on Mylot. Hope you will enjoy it and stay. It is great to hear of other pet lovers within our community.
Thank you for your open, caring and genuine disclosure about what you do when it is time to put your pets to rest. What you say does not sound grotesque AT All!! Quite the contrary I think it is touching, inspiring and quite beautiful. We all show our love for each other in different ways. How we choose to grieve the loss of our pets reveals a lot about who we are..in my view anyway. The tender way you honored your other dog...and how you are working through the difficult decision you are struggling with is something my hubby and I know very well...as do others who responded here.
The fact that you dog is sleep a lot is to me...a sign. Both our older dogs did that...and we accepted it was partly age...and maybe a way of prolonging their life.
We phoned our vet and asked her opinion about Tasha. We described her symptoms and she said it sounded like her time was near. How David and I made the decision was we started asked her to let us know when she was ready to leave. About a week later Tasha came to me in a dream and told me she was tired and that I needed to accept she was ready to go. I cried buckets too...so you are not alone in that.
The quality of life issue is a tough one. Hopefully your 'little fella' will someone how let you know what choices to make. I had a feeling that Tasha was hanging on until she knew I was strong enough to let her go. It is my pleasure to 'hear you out.' If there is anything else I can do...feel free to chat more. I have been there and empathize with what you are going through.
Warm and caring regards,
Raia
1 person likes this
@jcj_111776 (3216)
• Philippines
28 Jan 08
4 years ago, we had a puppy named Cara. She was very vulnerable to sickness and finally succumbed to it. We have a large yard (if you remember the photo I showed to you last time), and in one corner of it, that's where I buried Cara. So as not to forget her, in the little time she spent with us, I planted a bouganvillae tree on top of her grave. Now, that tree blooms lots of lovely pink flowers.
If the inevitable time comes for Ashley, our German Shepherd, I much prefer to bury her in our yard. Make a special place for her, and plant a tree for her, too.
I guess for those people who not only treat their pets as just animals, but part of the family, they will surely give their final show of love and respect for their beloved pets who had been a part of their lives.
Just like what you and David did for Meishka and Tasha....
2 people like this
@SixPaulEleven (552)
• United States
26 Jan 08
I've buried all of my pets. I was given the option to have them creamated, but it gives me more closure to have them buried on my property. I can "visit" them when I want and to me, at least, it brings me closure knowing they are still nearby even though their physical bodies have left this earth.
My condolences on the loss of your Tasha. I made the same painful decision back in April with my beloved dog of 15 years after I found her unconscious in my living room. She was breathing, but barely, and the vet said she likely had a stroke and would not live through the night.
2 people like this
@Perspectives (7131)
• Canada
27 Jan 08
Hi..and thank your for your touching response. I agree with you about the preference to burying versus cremating our pets. It would certainly be what David and I would do if we could. After reading many of the responses here I think we will do a second best thing with the ashes we have of Tasha...and her companion Meishka who was put down two years ago. Instead of spreading their ashes I think we will create a little graveside memorial in our back yard too.
Thank you for your condolences for us..and may I offer ours back to you. We had hoped Tasha would pass at home...but she did not. Like you we had no way of assisting her in her transition and had to take her to the vet. It appeared that she knew and was ready...but even sensing that it never gets any easier. It would seem your precious 15 year old companion knew when it was time to leave to. It is my belief that their spirits live on past the Rainbow Bridge they cross and that the bond of love we share never die.
Warm regards,
Raia
1 person likes this
