I dont think I should bend the rules?
By snoopy04
@snoopy04 (718)
United States
January 26, 2008 11:05am CST
I have started keeping my sister-in-laws little girl but she is thinking about taking her somewhere else because her daughter as to abide by my rules. My husbands overtime has stopped so we are on a very tight budget. I didnt want to do it but he said we could use the extra money so I said yes. I did it for him not for me. So I started keeping her and now his sister is upset because her daughter doesnt get her way and that I put her in timeouts when she is getting in trouble. My kids get timeouts to and toys taken away when they get in trouble as well. I told his sister that she threw a fit because I wouldnt let her jump on my coffee table and when I told her no and put her on the floor she walked over and hit my leg and threw a huge fit. I told his sister that I put her in timeout because that wasbt approirate behavior. His sister got really upset and said I had no right to put her in timeout and she would take her somewhere else. She said I am family so I should overlook her temper tantrums and jumping on my coffee table wasnt a big deal. Well my kids dont do that because they will be in some serious trouble.
Her little girl is always taking toys from my kids, hitting my kids in the face which now my little girl is doing which she gets in trouble for. She throws a fit when you tell her no, and takes my toys and throws them against the wall. I get so tired of playing ref because she doesnt play well with my kids. So now I dont get alot done because I have to make sure she isnt harrassing my kids. And I am only getting 75$ a week to keep her. They wont bring any food for her and then wont call when they are running late.
I talked to my husband and told him what happend and he actually apologized. He didnt realize it would be so difficult. I told him I didnt believe I was in the wrong and he agreed. Just because she is my sister-in-law doesnt mean that her little girl gets special treatment. I feel sorry for the little girl because they dont play with her and dont show her any kind of love or affection and they dont disipline. But why should her little get special treatment when I know what she is doing is wrong.
Am I in the wrong here?
4 people like this
14 responses
@Sillychick (3275)
• United States
26 Jan 08
No, you are absolutely not wrong, and don't change or forget the rules to please your sister-in-law. You are being reasonable and she should be glad that you are trying to teach her daughter to behave. It sounds like she is the kind of parent who buys her gifts and lets her do whatever she wants, maybe to try to make up for not being around. Do you want your children to see you allowing this kind of behavior and then thinking it's ok for them to do it too? If she wants to find someone else, let her. $75 a week, minus food, is not a lot and could easily be made up somewhere else.
1 person likes this
@sid556 (30960)
• United States
27 Jan 08
No, you are NOT in the wrong. 75.00 is dirt cheap for watching her all week. How many hours do you have her? If you really need the money...you could easily get 2 well-behaved kids for less stress and more cash. I used to do a lot of day care and also had my own children. Its a lot of work. I only came upon a troubled child a couple of times and both times the parents were as much trouble as the child. If the parents won't back you and reinforce to the girl that she needs to abide by your rules and behave in your home, then you will be getting paid 75.00 to have your home become a living nightmare for you and your family. It is doubtful that the situation is going to improve. For the sake of your family and your relationship with your sister-in-law, I would give up the child. I suspect she will have trouble keeping a sitter wherever she goes. Perhaps that was why you got the job so easily. what happened with her previous sitter?
@snoopy04 (718)
• United States
27 Jan 08
I keep her from 7:30 in the morning to 5:00 in the evening. When they are late they dont call and that drives me crazy. Her previous sitter found a better job and the sitter before that charged her to much and she said she wasnt taking care of her properly.
But my sister-in-law expects everyone to bow down and kiss her behind but I wont. So I was really suprised when she asked me to keep her. But her daughter really likes me and my sister-in-law said Im really good with kids. I have kept kids since I was in high school and I have never dealt with a parent like her.
@crazynurse (7482)
• United States
27 Jan 08
I do not feel you were wrong. Should your sister-in-law take her daughter to a daycare, they would do the same thing that you did, place here in timeouts and attempt to teach her not to have tantrums and hurt others. It sounds like a sad situation that the child is living in with the lack of affection and guidelines/discipline. The child will suffer in the long run. What you are being paid is not enough once you subtract out the cost of food. Perhaps you could run an add in your local paper that you will keep a child and get a different child?
@roberten (3128)
• United States
27 Jan 08
This issue should have been discussed at the beginning of your contract. To keep from creating a wedge in relations, you might think about not caring for her in your home. Record her behavior on tape, cellphone, camera, etc. and have available for backup in the event of a major dispute. Find another source of income, there are lots online so you can be home with your kids. Keeping this child in your home will corrupt your family and create issues between your family and hers. In a nut shell, $75 is not worth ruining family relationships. Let the little girl go; re-work your household budget and spending habits; work a little more online and be happy. You are right to end this before it gets worse.
@lightningd (1039)
• United States
27 Jan 08
You could far more per week watching someone else's child, and most likely, their child will have some type of manners and the parents will understand rules. I know of a child like this in my family and you could not pay me enough to watch that child for 10 minutes let alone on a daily basis. I'd tell the sister in law to make other arangements, that I have taken another child to watch who's parents understand the value of respecting other people's property and understand that children need to obey rules.
Seriously, what would their reaction be if that child was jumping on the coffee table, jumped wrong, fell and broke her leg? It's not just a matter of inappropriate behavior, it's a safety issue.
Obviously your husband is on your side, so I'd just put word out that you have an opening for a child for day care and tell the sis in law good luck finding a new sitter because that stuff will not be tolerated anywhere else either.
@reiddee1 (13)
• United States
27 Jan 08
You are not wrong...I went through the same thing w/ my brother's wife. She likes to think that her kids are better than anyone elses kids when in fact they are worse. To make it worse they are very "fast" little girls. Meaning, they know about a lot of "grown up" things that they shouldn't. My boys are pretty sheltered being that they are home-schooled and I just did not want my little boys tainted. She and I ended up in an argument over things that I didn't allow in my home which led me to telling her to find somewhere else for her kids to go. That upset my brother (because he was only paying me $20 a day for 3 kids) and, unfortunately, we are not speaking. It hurt at first because I didn't think that it was that serious, but, at least my house in harmony. And, my boys are at peace. (they didn't like the girls coming over anyway).
@sedel1027 (17846)
• Cupertino, California
26 Jan 08
I think you did the correct thing. No matter when she takes her daughter there will be rules to follow. If she brings her to a daycare facility, there will be time outs given when the girl misbehaves. How is it any different that you do the same thing? It is your house and your rules, she must respect them. Plus, you are only getting $75 a week, if she isn't bringing food for the girl, it is almost not worth it for you to watch her.
@Thoroughrob (11742)
• United States
26 Jan 08
I totally agree with you, she should not get special treatment. I can't believe that your sister-in-law would expect you to. When I watch anyone kids, I flat out tell them, they get treated just like my own. If I would punish mine, I will punish yours.
@jamie11982 (1658)
• United States
27 Jan 08
No you are not in the wrong. I have 5 children and when my brother's son comes over which he's the only child are home he is treated just like my children and will respect the same rules in my house that my children have to respect. if he brakes the rules he gets a time out just like the rest of my children. Don't let your sister-in-law through a hissy fit because her daughter is throughing a it. this little girl sounds like she really needs some type of disaplin in her life and her parents don't seem to be giving it to her. I bet her mother see it as a lost cause to make her sit in time out and to be yelled at. my oldest son is adhd and likes to jump off the back of my couch and when he does this he has to sit in a time out and if that don't work then i will make him either stand in the corner for about 5 minutes or send him to his bed. I am not a strict parent but i have set rules from day one and no matter who's child walks into my house i expect them to be fallowed. you should have the same addituted towards you sister-in-law and tell her this. If she don't like the idea of her child fallowing the rules then letter her take the kid some place else. The kid has to learn the no tolerance rule before she starts school and if she don't learn it now then she will in school and your sister-in-law will really have her hands full. don't bend the rules just because of them throughing their temper around and thinking that they can brake you. It's not like your hitting the child or spanking her for being bad. It's just a few time outs. Good luck it sounds like you need it.
@wrknggirl68 (96)
• United States
26 Jan 08
You were absolute right in showing that little girl she can't do anything she wants. I'd tell your sister in law to feel free to find other arrangements. You were doing her a favor since regular childcare is much more expensive. This little girl will end up being a real fun teen and will probably end up in juvenile hall a few times at least.
@emmanola (482)
•
27 Jan 08
I believe that you do not need to bend the rules if the situation is exactly the way you reported it. Children will be children and there is a need to teach them appropriate behavior from young ages. A thirteen-year old is no longer a small child.
The weekly peanut of $75 is nothing compared to your own children who, invariably, are part of your own future. I cannot be enticed by any amount to accept to watch over an unruly child. While it is true that children outgrow certain behavior, your own safety and the safety of your children should be paramount.
I think you should let the children go as long as they are not ready to abide by your rules, which are not harsh by my own assessment, and your sister-in-law is not willing to reason with you. Another option is to enlist the support of your spouse to speak to his sister about the unacceptable behavior of her children. Your spouse, however, should have been convinced of the unacceptability of his sister's children behavior to achieve great success with this approach.
@barehugs (8973)
• Canada
26 Jan 08
you are absolutely Right! Your sister-in-law is way out of line and shes going to realise it when her child gets older and even more difficult to control. I'd go nuts if anybody's kid jumped on my coffee table!
You have all the right ideas, now its time for you to implement them.
@carmelanirel (20942)
• United States
26 Jan 08
No, you are not wrong in what you did and for 75.00 a week and not bringing food is a great deal for your sister-in-law. If she wants to take her child somewhere else, I doubt she will find many who will give her the same deal..
I think my grandchildren don't care to be here much, because they don't get away with anything either. My youngest will try to throw a tantrum and I won't put up with it. They are 4 & 6 and my son is 5, and everyone gets the same treatment when it comes to behavior..
@melon22 (7)
•
27 Jan 08
No way! You need to make sure your sister-in-law understands how you are going to handle issues with her daughter while she is staying in your home. It is not good to have one set of rules for your niece while having a stricter set of rules with your own children. If your sister-in-law doesn't like how you do things she should take the girl somewhere else. I know you said you guys need the money but it really doesn't sound like the hassle you are enduring is worth it. Plus, do you really want this issue to ruin the relationship you have with your sister-in-law?
