It was just a hug.......
By snoopy04
@snoopy04 (718)
United States
January 27, 2008 10:47am CST
When it rains it pours lol. I recieved two phone calls last night over two different incidents with my kids and both incidents were blown way out of proportion.
The first one was a friend of mine stopped by Friday afternoon to drop off some clothes for my daughter Nicki and she stayed for a few minutes and we talked. She doesnt have any kids herself but that is her preference. I have known her since high school and we have always been really good friends. She is really sweet towards my kids and is always helping us out with clothes and other stuff as well. So I was totally shocked when she called last night and was so upset over something Logan did. When I opened the door to let her in Logan went over to her and gave her a big hug and said I love you. She was suprised but she hugged him back and didnt make a big deal about it. When she got ready to leave he went over to her and kissed her check and hugged her agin and told her bye. Again she didnt react negatively toward him. So she called to tell me that she didnt appreciate Logan hugging her because it made her uncomfortable. She asked me to make sure that Logan wouldnt do that again because she just didnt like it. I told her ok and that I would talk to Logan about it. But I told my husband and he got really upset about it. I to am upset because Logan didnt do it to make her uncomfortable he did it because he is a very loving little boy to family and friends.
Logan is my special needs child so he is very affeciante with people he knows. Now that he is going to school he isnt shy and he doesnt run and hide from everybody when you talk to him. He plays well with other kids and he has really blossomed. But he wants everybody to be happy and that is his way of making you happy. He doesnt it out of love and my friend couldnt see that.
She isnt very affeciante but this is the first time Logan has hugged her so I was just shocked at her phone call.
Do you think Logan was way out of line for hugging her because I am seriously thinking about our firendship. I can explain to him about not hugging her but I know in the future he may hug her agin because she is a friend and he knows her. But she should also realize that Logan is the way he is and not make a big deal about it. She is a good friend but Logan is such a sweetheart and my own flesh and blood I dont think he should be punished for something that comes naturally.
2 people like this
7 responses
@Thoroughrob (11742)
• United States
28 Jan 08
Something must have been in the air around you. Negative, mean people coming out of the woodwork. As a parent with a special needs child, that loves hugs and kisses, people do not quite get that is their way of saying I like you and showing affection. My son is 13 now and when he started school, they do not allow hugging and kissing, so we all worked with him, and now have him shaking hands. I would definitely not punish him, and would tell her that if she feels uncomfortable, when he wants to hug her, give him her hand for a high five or something. I cannot imagine that it made her so uncomfortable, but she is the adult and should be able to find a way, to be nice and acknowledge his gestures, but in a different way. People are so funny. I would have a talk with your friend, and explain to her that with all his problems, that you will try to keep him from it and give her a couple of ideas of how to approach it, if it would happen again. I would not make a big deal of it, but would have a talk with him, telling him that hugs should be for family and start teaching him to shake hands or high five people. It is safer for him, as you never know the type of people he may run into in the future. I hope this helped, and let him know that he did nothing wrong, maybe not even mention the friend, just make a change.
1 person likes this
@phillygirl606 (1112)
• United States
28 Jan 08
This is just really sad what your friend is doing. My only worry when reading this is that you said your son is a special needs child who is finally blossoming. I fear that if you say something about him hugging her that it may put him into a shell. Make him actually fear hugging people as he would be scared of the rejection. You say she is a good friend but how good of a friend is she really if she is over reacting to a hug and a kiss on the cheek the way that she is. Besides it does not matter how good of a friend she is when it comes to your son. Your friend in turn is now gone to make your son feel uncomfortable about an action that is being pulled way out of hand. I would not say anything to him if I was you. I would tell your friend that she is over reacting and that if she cannot handle a hug than maybe she should stay away when logan is home.
1 person likes this
@lecanis (16647)
• Murfreesboro, Tennessee
27 Jan 08
There are some people who have valid reasons for not liking to be touched. I'm one of them, and I have sometimes overreacted to simple things like a hug or a pat on the back myself. However, I've never even thought to scold a child or tell their parent to scold them over a hug!
I think if your friend is going to be involved enough in your child's life that he considers her a friend or even a family member, she should expect him to treat her just as he treats his other friends or family members. If she really can't handle being hugged, then perhaps she has no place in the life of a very affectionate child.
It's true that you could tell Logan not to hug her in the future, but like you said, he's likely to do it at some point anyway. It's just part of who he is. Perhaps you should point out to her that you told him not to do it, but that if she considers herself his friend, she'll forgive him for slipping up once in a while.
@lancimus (1)
•
27 Jan 08
Yea, it is unfortunatly out of order on Logan, but also maybe you should look at it from your friends point of view, maybe she doesn't like children being touchy with her, it may be something thats happened in the past that perhaps you dont know about, and so she gets upset when another persons child hugs her? or maybe she just doesn't appreciate being hugged by children, purerly because she has no affection towards them.
1 person likes this
@dreamy1 (3811)
• United States
27 Jan 08
Aww that's just sad. Logan is just a kid but he's not a stranger and she's not a stranger to him. That's too bad she feels that way. Hugging is good medicine every body needs human touch and affection. He only did it once why did she have to say something unless he makes it a habit(which I don't see anything wrong) Talk to Logan but don't make it seem like he did anything bad because he didn't. Tell him that some people show love differently and they don't like to be hugged. Tell him he can shake her hand when he greets her and that will make her feel better.
1 person likes this
@asgtswife04 (2475)
• United States
28 Jan 08
I definitely wouldn't punish him for doing something so innocent and what now comes natural to him. I'm not sure what you mean about special needs, but a lot of special needs children are very affectionate once they open up and aren't shy anymore. I'm not sure why your friend got so upset and it really ought to make you stop and think about the kind of friendship you two have. I see nothing wrong with a child giving someone a hug or a kiss just because they care about that person. I'm so sorry you are having to deal with this. have you tried talking with her about this and telling her that he meant nothing about it except to say goodbye and to show that he cares. Does she feel uncomfortable because he's a special needs child? That in itself might make you want to think more on the friendship because if she isn't comfortable with that why would you want her around you or your children? I hope everything turns out okay...definitely keep us posted on the situation and I'll be praying for you and your family. If you ever need to talk i'm here nights, sometimes during the day to...just depends on if my two year old takes a nap or not. God bless you!
1 person likes this
@asawako48162 (3321)
• United States
28 Jan 08
yes, your friend should have been more understanding but not every one is built the same way or thinks the same way...some people hate to be touched by anyone..so try to understand that your friend has "issues" too...she did not display mature actions but i have friends who do things that are not appropiate..methinks..and i try to not let it ruin a lifetim friendship..good luck
