am i becoming someone else?-- badly needing your opinion!

I have to be honest... I think when a person is legally separated instead of divorced there is a reason for that. While this man may say that he is done with his wife, it just doesn't sound that he is. She can still get into his email account, and other red flags that come up that he is not really sure this relationship is over. I am sure that it will hurt to lose him, but I personally think that you should tell him that you don't want to be romantically involved until he is officially divorced. I was seperated from my husband for a short time and POSITIVE it was over. Fortunately before we went too far into the divorce process we figured out that both of us were being hard-headed and needed help to get our marriage back on track. With two children, this man needs to give ALL of his attention and effort to his family. That will ALWAYS be the most important relationship in his life, in my opinion. Honestly, your life will always be on hold until he gets that divorce. You are young and have a lot of life ahead of you. Legal seperation can drag on for years if a couple allows it, and you really deserve more than that.

Until he decides on a divorce and it's final, I would bow out if I were you. A marriage deserves every chance, especially if there are children involved. The fact that he's stringing you and his wife along without deciding between either one of you should set off warning bells. Right now he has his cake and is eating it, too. Until he makes a decision and carries it through, there's nothing but heartache for you and his wife. I respect your giving his wife all the chances she's willing to take to keep the marriage together, even though she apparently damaged it. Best wishes for all involved!

i dont think you are his wife cheated on him and made the relationship bad

shes the one that messed it up, your not in wrong she is. and now she sees compitition so shes trying to win him but if he really luvs you you will win LOL

Hi mamakatsarj, Why do you feel as if you are becoming someone else? The world does not decide who you are as a person, you do. To me, you sound like a good person! You are not the mole in their marriage, they've obviously had problems before, still are. The hardest part is that they have kids together. My parents divorced when I was 6 years old and it changed me. I was depressed as a teen, thought somehow it was my fault. When my mother started dating another man I was so upset. Then they got married! I did everything in my power to break them up. Eyes closed, ears shut, not realizing how selfish I was being. It was only when I moved away to attend university that I understood how much my stepfather loved my mother, and he loved me as his own daughter. My father was still very much in my life. It was strange having two fathers, but nice at the same time. I had both watching out for me, protecting me. ANYHOW! BAck to the subject! hahaha I strayed I apologize... None of this is your fault. If he loves you, he will find a way to see you on his own money. Seriously. Let him put the work in to proove to you that you mean something. But do not wait around to see what happens. Live you life. Don't search for love and it will come to you. If you meet someone else, see where that path leads. NEVER wait around for someone to decide if they want to be with you. Have you ever read the book, He's not that into you??? REALLY good book I thoroughly enjoyed it. It sounds like you need to have a talk with him and find out what he is truly feeling. His wife's actions are normal, expected. She loves him obviously, or thinks she does at least. She wants to work things out, but for who? for the marriage and love they share? or for the kids? Anyhow, my advice, distance yourself, if he loves you he will come to you and fight for you, he will proove it, he will make you feel like a beautiful sunrice - and not no mole.

His marriage is not legally over, nor is it emotionally finished. Tread carefully here for the sake of the family involved and for your own sake as well. Take extra notice to how this man is handling his pending divorce. There could come a day when he will treat you the same way. If he is placing all the blame for the breakdown of his marriage on his wife, it should be a wake up call, as it's impossible that he is without fault. He needs to be legally divorced and emotionally healed in order to move on into a new relationship. Don't get yourself caught up in a trap. I wish you the very best.

Yes, you are. It doesn't matter that they're legally separated. They're still together and you need to respect that. Right now, he's just rebounding and using you to do it, which you're allowing. You're interfering in someone else's relationship and that hurts everyone involved. If he wants to be with you, he'd get a divorce. Until then, you need to back off.

Well in a way it’s a good sign that you are feeling bad you know…it shows that your conscience is in the right place. Now where do you want to go from here? It’s a pretty hopeless situation as much as I can see it and it would have been best if you had not been the fuel to the fire. no matter whether his marriage was already broken on not, you became the straw he clutched to. maybe you provided comfort in his hour of need but there are two young children to consider (even if we forget about the wife). are you ever thinking of marrying him? whatever you do, please be careful enough to consider all pros and cons of the situation. i dont think it would be very smooth for you, specially from the children's front.

Well I guess you're taking the right steps in the meantime. They really have to sort things out before you jump into them. It is really the guys responsibility to make things clear before you go into his life. I also suggest right now that since you are studying focus on it and stay in that direction while they are settling their relationship. If they would really separate then it is good for you but if ever they decide to live together, don't be sad.... instead be happy that you have not destroyed a family in distress. Your young and have many opportunities to be happy too just don't rely your happiness in him if he decides to stick on his marriage respect it instead and let go.

No need to feel guilty. They are legally separated and the wife cheated on him in the first place. He needs to make a decision whether to try to work it out with his wife or pursue you. He can't have both. Tell him to decide once and for all so you can move forward with your life.

When I was married my husband cheated on me with a younger girl. She was 23. Just be careful because you don't know what is going on in their house. My ex was with me and her at the same time and he was lying to both of us. He wanted to stay married to me and live together as a "separated couple" so he could continue to date her. That way, he said, if he thought he made a mistake, we'd still be together. He was still sleeping in my bed and probably in hers too. He told me he wasn't, but he probably told her he wasn't sleeping with me anymore either. You are being mature and open minded about the situation, but be smart so he isn't taking advantage of you. Don't give him 100% of your heart until after he is divorced. One last thing, it isn't necessarily healthy to jump from one relationship to another. He really should have some time to clear his head and get rid of the baggage in his life before he brings another person into it. Good luck!

In being a Christian, I have to say that even though his wife cheated on him over the internet....you to have made it to where he has in turn cheated on his wife. I know that you don't want to be the mistress and my best advice to you is to tell him to go to this marriage counseling to see if there is any hope for their marriage. If there isn't that is fine, but you need to wait until he divorced before persuing this relationship any farther. It's a bad situation and I feel that you don't want to be the one that breaks up a home or a marriage. Granted, she cheated on him first, but you still need to wait on the divorce or you will carry that burden for the rest of your life. It sounds to me like you want to do the right thing, so do it. Don't let the rest of your life be filled with regrets even though you love this man. Wait and do it the right way. It's not only him to think about, but also his children. Good luck to you and God bless. Keep us posted on how things turn out and I will keep you in my prayers.

I dont think it is your fault! i dont think that you leaving would make things good between them if they are legally seperated then that is how things would probably be with or without you around. If you do love the guy then he could prob use your support right now, if you dont really love him long term, or think you wont be able to keep dealing with these problems in the future then get out now, i dont think he would deal well with that if you left later.