My daughter is taking money without asking
By stylist7698
@stylist7698 (48)
United States
January 30, 2008 3:43pm CST
My daughter is 9 and she is starting to take money out of my purse or my boyfriends wallet. She has taken 10 from me and 20 from my boyfriend. She took the money so she can go to the "santa shops" or book clubs at school. I don't know how to make her understand that this is STEALING and if I were a store she would be arrested. Any suggestions?
7 responses
@lightningd (1039)
• United States
30 Jan 08
Wow!! I'm afraid I would have come unglued if my child did that. As the other posters have mentioned, I would be making her work it off, but I would take it a step further. I would take away some of her favorite things. I would definitely make sure she understood that she can't just get into someone else's personal things and take what they want. That is a tough one. I'm curious though, how did you find out she took the money? Did she admit to it? Had you given her permission to get money out of your purse before, so maybe she thought it would be ok. That still doesn't excuse the taking money from your boyfriend's wallet though. Had she asked for money and she was told no, so she just snuck around and took it anyway?
You might try to turn the tables on her. Does she have something that she really likes to play with when she gets home from school? If so, maybe remove it, hide it from her and when she comes running to you telling you "It's GONE!!" I would tell her that she'll get it back when she has repaid the money she took, and has learned her lesson about taking from other people.
I think 9 is old enough to have known better. I hope you get a handle on it before it gets out of hand.
Good luck!!
@stylist7698 (48)
• United States
31 Jan 08
I leave my purse on the table and he leaves his wallet next to my purse. Maybe I shouldn't leave it out like that but I never had an issue before. I asked my boyfriend if he took money out of my purse and he said NO. She had a funny look on her face. I wasn't able to "catch" her in the act. So I left it alone. Then when my boyfriend asked me if I took money out of his wallet and I said No. I had a feeling this had happened again. She came home from school with all these things from the secret santa shop and when my boyfriend asked her where she got the money she said that she helped the teacher and she gave her money. Well right there we all know that that is illegal for the teacher to do that so that is when we confonted her about it. She said no at first because she knew she was going to be in trouble. Then when we said she is going to get the teacher in trouble she confessed about taking my money previously and taking his money that day. She said she took it because I wasn't at home to give it to her and my boyfriend was in the shower when she left for school and she needed it that day. She is now grounded from her playstation and gameboy and she does alot of chores around the house. I told her the next time this happens I will call the police and they can deal with her. That seems to REALLY scare her.
@dreamy1 (3811)
• United States
30 Jan 08
Whoa that's not a good thing. Put your purse up in the closet so she can't get to it. Tell her what she's doing is wrong and make her pay it back by working it off doing extra chores. Definitely punish her for it. Find out the real reason why she's doing it. Does she get an allowance? I'm not so much for giving kids allowances (I never got one) but it might work for her to keep her from stealing money from you. If you give her an allowance don't just give her money but make her work for it. Please nip this in the bud ASAP before it gets any worse. Who knows what she might be taking from other people.
@stylist7698 (48)
• United States
30 Jan 08
I have been making her "work it off"...She has never given a good reason for taking the money. I have also taken away her favorite toys. I have never really giver her allowance and maybe that might be the issue. But she has definatly been working her butt off around the house.
@Madona1 (2096)
• Gibraltar
9 Feb 08
Is it the first time your daughter taking the money from you and your partner without asking? Why didn’t your daughter take the money without asking? I think you should handle this type of issue slowly as it is quite sensitive. You should advise her that whatever she wants from someone, she should ask for permission prior to touch and obtain it as it is rude. If this is the first time happen to her, you should forgive her as she may not know previously. Over statement will be resulted in upsetting your daughter and misunderstanding her intention.
@jhazie (340)
• Philippines
2 Feb 08
Oh my Goodness,thats not good. stealing is very bad attitude you need to talk with her in good manner and diplomatic way bcoz if she continue stealing till she grew up she might send in jail and thats shameless. it sad to say but its true. later on she will understand the good thing is continue helping he for studies,lesson showing good appreciation,time and asking her what she like. i think you depend her giving coins since little? then now if you can give what she wants maybe she did stealing you and other people. hope not so bad,sorry to tell,hope shes fine now. God Bless! take care her always. good day!
@ellie333 (21016)
•
2 Feb 08
Hi I really feel for you in this situation as now you are no longer able to trust your daughter not to take money if you leave purse around. It seems like you are taking a good course of action in punishing by paying back by doing chores and taking her privileges away. I haven't experienced this myself but recently my three year old put a sweet in my coat pocket in a shop without me realising. Further down the road he went into my pocket and took it out so I marched him straight back to the shop made him give it to the lady behind the counter and I paid for it. He tantrumed as he wanted the sweet but I then went home and when he had calmed down explained why what he did was wrong. He said he was sorry. Like you I explained that not just him but mummy would get in trouble with the police if he ever done it again. Hope your daughter has realised and will not do it again. Ellie :)
@chrysz (1602)
• Philippines
31 Jan 08
Try talking to her first and then showing her videos of shoplifting or stealing and what happened to the thief. Tell her to ask money instead of getting it without your permission since you will be giving her anyway. MY then 2-yr old daughter did that too, she gets 5-peso coins from my wallet and shiney one-peso coin so she has something to put in her piggy bank. I only found when I have no more coins to pay the bus. I asked her if she was the one taking my coins and she said yes. I told her not to do it again because its bad and next time, she can just ask it from me.
@AngelNicki (412)
• United States
30 Jan 08
One idea might be to make her do chores to "earn" the money she stole... and have her do double the chores. For instance, if you decide every hour of chores is worth a dollar, and you find out she stole ten dollars, she'll have to complete twenty hours of chores. (Not all in one day, obviously!) To make sure she does the chores, you could ground her, or take something away from her, until the hours of chores are completed. Its a natural consequence!
On the flip side, if she does more chores after she's already "repaid" you, she can earn her own money to do the things she wants to do!
