what would you do?

First off I am so sorry that things just don't seem to be going well for you at the moment. On the subject of your hubby and the child if you really wanted to know you guys should a paturnity test done. As far as your children go you should focus on trying to get them back.

It sounds like you have a lot on your plate. From what I am reading/understanding is you have lost your kids AND your friends because of your husband AND he cheated on you and possibly fathered another child. WOW. How much more are you willing to lose because of him? I don't know what state you live in, but where I live a man is not made to pay child support unless he meets one or more of the following: 1. The couple is married 2. Paternity test has been done 3. He is listed as the father on the birth certificate (whether mom and dad are married or not, in which case, the state would have gone after your husband from the day of birth, not 2 years later). As a mom my first priority would be my children. Then you can work on your husband. Can you imagine what your children are thinking right now being wards of the state? Your husband is an adult and can take care of himself, your kids depend on you as their mom and protector. Not to be mean, but I think your priorities are a little screwed up. KIDS first, then defend your husband. Also, why not try and talk with your old friends and find out why they didn't like your husband. Maybe they see something that you don't.

Firstly, you DID NOT fail as a wife. Your husband failed as a husband. None of this is your fault, but you seem to be the one paying for it. Your husband needs to stand up and take responsibility for himself instead of landing it all on your shoulders. The first thing you need to do is get your kids back. This will mean kicking your husband out. He will have to pay you child support so you will not be without money. The courts will not take this as you thinking your husband did hurt your kids. If you explain that you just wanted your kids back and that you have issues with him cheating on you, they will understand and you can still back him up in court. If he is found to be innocent you can then decide if you want him back or not. I think time apart will give you the space to decide if you forgive him for cheating and whether you want him back. As for the other child, that is your husbands responsibility to get the paternity test done. As for your old friends, if they will just rub it in your face, they are not worth having. But if you can think of one of them that you think may not do this, ring and and tell her "I need a friend" and all will be forgiven without you needing to apologise. (I hadn't spoken with my best friend from high school for about 15 years but we met up again about 3 years ago and it was like we had never stopped speaking. We don't talk often but I know she is always there if I need her.) Remember your kids always come first, then you, then your husband and he has a lot of work to do to get you to trust him again. So make him take responsibility for his choices and take some of the weight off your shoulders. I have sent a friends request to you so you can PM me if you need someone to talk to. (I am in a different time zone though so be patient)

First of all, dear, if your friends will rub it in your face, they are not true friends. A true friend will never make fun or rub your face in things when you are hurting like this. I also would want to know about the child and I would make that one stipulation in staying with him. Set some rules and make some agreements. Number one should be that he has to be up front with you about this child from this point forward. Also in order for you to be able to trust him again he should let you know where he is at all times until the time when you feel you can trust him again. If you both still love each other it can be worked through but he has to understand that a lot of trust has been lost and that he will have to go above and beyond to build that trust back and he must also reassure you constantly that he is not doing it again. Good luck with it all and if you need to talk feel free to get a hold of me again.

i am so sorry for the mishap you are in right now. what i think about this is that your husband cheated on you. don't be a martyr over him.

dear i have sympathy for u. i hate tht kind of men.i apricat you that you are still sincere with your husband.