Was I correct in refusing the gift?

I would have accepted the used clothes and used them as rags around the house. Everything is perfect in America? Even Americans won't agree.

i understand what you mean. why does this gentleman live in India when all is better for him in America? what i know from India is, that the workers, no matter in which occupation, are very welcome in our country. i think every country has positive and negative things. i am not against america nor i am against India. every country in this world is a part of our mother earth and they should be able to work together and not apart. i am not sure if i could refuse a gift like you did. i would have asked some questions before, to find out why he did it. but in the end i would have told him the same but in other words i think.

I think you are right. I don't mind a gift from a friend returning froma visit to the US...and since I have lived outside India most of our lives, we always got gifts for the family and friends when we visited India. But those were all well thought out gifts for each person. This sounds like the person was just trying to buy you with the 'imported' stuff. We get equally good stuff in India now. I agree with you that a chocolate bar would suffice for the colleagues. Clothes and especially ones that the man didn't even bother to pack show that he didn't bring the 'gifts' because he wanted to show that he cared about his colleagues but it was brought just to make you feel that he was superior (in some wierd way...lol). I don't understand why some people think that US is more superior and things there are of much better quality (some things are, I agree...but we live here in India and can live with what we have). I'm not trying to put the Americans down...but just trying to point out that they are people like us with the same morals and principles and there's nothing great about it....I mean nothing to brag about. We aren't second class citizens compared to Americans....we have our culture and they theirs. They are proud of theirs and we should be proud of ours. And please don't go by the gentleman's words...all is not perfect in the US (I'm sure you know that by now)....just as we have our issues here....they have theirs and other mylotters from the US will confirm that. Their issues might be different from ours...but still they have problems too. Most of the discussions on myLot itself will prove that. I'm not saying that all Indians have to live in India and work here to prove that they are proud of their culture (I know we didn't...we went where we could earn more money....but that didn't make us forget our land....infact, I've lived outside since I was born....but that doesn't make me any less Indian and though we did get a better life than what we would have got here.....that doesn't make our culture less important to me...and I'm basically Indian....though my choices are based on my personal viewpoint). I'm so mad at this gentleman (who I don't even know) that I think I'm not being clear. I hope you got the gist of what I was trying to say. And I'm glad you didn't accept the "gift".

hi sudipta! ^__^ i don't think you're wrong in refusing those gifts. if they were really gifts. i mean, it could just be their way to boast to other people that they have gone to the states and was able to buy American products. i don't really like people with crab mentality. i mean, i love some foreign products and i dream of going to other countries, but that don't make me insult my origin and look down on our native culture and fellowmen. that's just really mean. and besides, you said you can afford to buy those second-hand clothes and those clothes seemed like too worn out to be worn again. i think there was really nothing wrong when you refused them.

i'm not offended ,and i'm an indian. he is ahving a mindset like that that make him less informed or misinformed ,he must hv poor life with less moral values ,otherwise it is very natural to be proud of where u belong to ,he should be forgiven and forgotten . not taking gift is ur decision ,if u r expected to respect him then u should hv taken it and then give ot to someone needy ,thst what i'd hv done.

Hello,Sudipta! First of all I must appreciate your view point and feelings.you have done the right thing,that i too would have done.I think your colleague is lacking the patriotic feelings,else he would not have gone for praising America.what is in America?we are no less than them. his son is a dog who runs after somebody who threw a piece of bread before him.you will see his son will be nowhere after a few years.it is the American culture.so there is nothing to feel himself great and distribute gifts, of what kind does not matter.is he also a dog running after the American masters?thank you.

Hi, I know what u r talking about. I belong to a bengali family and i know the mentality of people in calcutta. I have atleast half a dozen of cousins in America and recently one got married with a british girl in texas. At times i feel fortunate that iam brought up in mumbai. Here people are more business minded and people are so busy in their life that they dont peek in others life. People often say that " Mumbai is a very lonely city" Well take my word India is progressing at a great speed .. atleast mumbai.. and if it continues in this speed we will be considered as a super power too. And those people who considers the westurn world as the best will soon be returning to india. Remember our country is the best and be proud of being an Indian. Cheers, Tutul

Oh, GREAT! As if Americans don't shoot themselves in the foot often enough, now I see we have help from idiots like your boss! LOL!!! You were right to refuse the gifts in the very tactful way you used. You were following your heart and instincts, and he was being incredibly tacky! I would have accepted them all, but then would have donated them to a charity -- well, I'd have eaten the chocolate!! LOL!! Even in America we have people who need clothes and soap and can't afford them. Too bad your boss has blinded himself to the problems that do exist here in the USA, just as in any country. And by the way, our schools are not all that great, especially up to the college level. At the college level, if you have LOTS and LOTS of money, you can do OK, but really the overall quality of an education has more to do with the attitude of the student, not the location of the school. Anyway, try not to be too offended by your boss. He's obviously got some real issues and should be pitied for the insecure moron that he is.

I think, sudipta, that you had the right to refuse these gifts as you saw fit. It seems to me that you might be making more of the situation than it really means. If this man is as successful as you say, then he should be ashamed to have offered any items that had been previously used as "gifts." I would not worry overmuch about this matter. You did what your heart led you to do.

As a Canadian, I feel that your colleague is very proud of his accomplished son, and is perhaps overdoing it somewhat. However he seems to be sincere in his attiude and is doing what he deems right by his fellow employees. A man who gives gifts cannot be all bad! Why not accept the Gifts Graciously, and Later, dispose of those that are unacceptable to you. I think you are reading much more into this, than is actually there! I can understand how this gentleman could be very hard to take, but nevertherless he is doing nothing wrong, and someday in the Future may prove to be a Valuable Friend.

Hi sudiptacallingu, I believe you handled this very well. India is your homeland and his also. The answer is not to send your children to another country, but to remain and make an even better future for your people. Blessings.

I admire you taht you can be so opne with people. i think you make the right think and don't feel bad for feeling offended, i think many of us would fee l the smae in your position.Yeah you are right many people just think how usa is great and there is nothing better like being here, but only people with no education could think this.

Hi sudiptacallingu, You did the right thing by rejecting it. There is no need to be fooled by anybody, purticularly when you din't ask for anything. I would have been in more appriciation if you would have told him on the face. Good Luck.

I think that you did the right thing in refusing the gift cause you don't really know where the clothes came from and if they were used your kid might have got sick from them or something.

I am that I am respondiing so late.I just happen to stumble upon this wonderful discussion just now. You are very right in refusing the gifts.It rather looked like a charicty from a UN force to poverty stricken lot.We all have our pride inspite of how much of money we do pocess.No one can ever buy that with anything and of all the things a pices of soap and a rag.

I think you handled that very tactfully. There are others that would have told him to buzz off and not in a very nice way. You considered his feelings even though he insulted you. I don't blame you for not accepting his gift. I would not have either.

u were right in rejecting it,if it was wrapped then it would have a different view,

Hi there! I'm an American and this discussion gives me neither offense nor "twisted pleasure." I feel for you. I don't think it's right what your coworker told you. I've lived in America all my life and I'd love to visit or even live in a different country. I think it's just a matter of where you're from. Certain people aren't content with where they live and think that they need to go and live somewhere. I think discontentment and bragging was all he was doing. I commend you and admire you for refusing the gifts from him. Had you accepted them, your child would've had more clothes, but that's not what it's about. You can provide for your own child, which you proved by not taking the gifts. You also don't know where all that stuff has been or where your coworker got it from. You were very wise in thinking about it and turning them down. I don't think he was giving those things to you for the right reason. You have a right to refuse a gift also. It's a gift - you have the choice to take it or leave it. If you had taken it, I believe you would've been supporting what that man said, in a way. You also would've been supporting getting things from the US, which you were opposed to doing because you're content with living in India and buying from India. Good for you!

I totally understad and share your views to a certain extent .Out here on the island we have the same mentality too that everything that comes from USA is great and better than what we have here on the island. Like you I wouldnt have taken the clothes either because I dont usually like to take such gifts from anyone and worse if they look like they were new or intended for me .My only problem with your move might have been the premise.The father is obviously arrogant and thinks highly of himself his son and their american life however I am not sure that the son is like him .The fact that he didnt come to India may not necessarily be that he doesnt think India is good enough but if you know for a fact that was the reason then you are definitely justified in doing so .

I would have taken it then donated it to a charity. Many times, there are charities that take items like that and combine them to make bigger welcome baskets or gift baskets. Every time my DH and I stay at a hotel, we always raid the shampoo and conditioner bottles from the room. Our church has a mission group that takes those bottles and bundles them and sends them to either troops overseas or sends them to the battered womens shelters around the area. It's a nice way to give back.