John Taylor Gatto, in Triplicate: What Are You Saying?

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The assignment is to read (without drinking) John Taylor "El" Gatto's "Against School" webblog rant. Mr. Gatto (formerly Mrs.) is the infant son of Archduke William Conrad and Senor Wilford Brimley who became a teacher, got fired, and then complained about consumerism by writing books he could sell to students too dumb to realize they were being insulted. Mr. Gatto's essential message is that schools suck because they don't work kids hard enough, and cites such goals of youth as capturing a naval ship at age fifteen. The actual assignment mentions Gatto then asks questions that don't necessarily pertain to him in any way. The assignment states as follows: "Assume that, upon leaving High School [sic], one has to take a mandatory two years away from structured education before entering college. What options should there be? What other kinds of education are there besides the kind that leaves one in debt with a piece of paper and a skill that are supposed to be 'worth something' on the job market? Could these alternatives be funded? In other words, how could learning and maturity coexist in a world where people 18 years old, many of whom are not ready for college, find themselves unable to use a four year institution as an excuse to avoid dead end employment alternatives?" The assignment says that the papers must be cited (with the usual ignorant "don't use all internet sources!" bs) despite the fact that there is no invitation for what sources should be used that can't be construed as online. "What options should there be?" What are you referring to? Options for what? One might naturally expect this question to be referring to the previous sentence, but in that case, if you get to take off for two years between high school and college, what the hell options do you need? How do "options" even apply to "don't go to college for two years after high school"? You either go or you don't. "What other kinds of education are there?" Well, you can be homeschooled like the neon genesis evangelist crazies who live in a bizarre fantasy world, or you can go to a trade school like culinary school where you can actually learn something USEFUL for the first time in your life. Otherwise we could go back to anarchy or return to the apprenticeship trade (so that jobs will be required to actually TRAIN people to do them). Maybe they could even invent a new kind of school where instead of pretending to teach you crap, you actually DO learn crap, like how to balance a checkbook, how to cook and clean, how to avoid telemarketing scams, how to tie a tie, and other crap like that that ought to be mandatory for absolutely everybody. "Could these alternatives be funded?" Uh, I guess? I don't give out funding. I'm broke. Because I spent the last of my money this semester on your countless expensive books that from an academic perspective are complete trash. The last question is more of a run-on sentence. But of particular note is the "four year institution" phrase, which is good for a laugh. Good luck graduating from my college in four years! With one class not open to people who've been there as long as I have, and this English course suddenly becoming a requirement for me to graduate just this year, it's bizarre that people still use this phrase. Since this is a run-on question, I just tend to space out before I finish reading it. The lesson: Don't write questions that last for more than one line of text. How funny is this paper? 4-5 pages of FAIL.