When would you draw the line? How Many Times Would You Try To......
By gemini_rose
@gemini_rose (16264)
February 2, 2008 4:33am CST
What I mean is this: I have 4 children, my firstborn was a boy, when I tried for another child I had a miscarriage, my second child was a boy, so now I had 2 boys, but I really wanted a girl!! I had also begun to wonder could I have girls, mad I know but that was what i had thought. So deciding to try again I became pregnant with my third child, I convinced myself it was a girl, every little thing that was different from the last pregnancy I would tell myself it was a girl. Finally the day came when I could find out the gender of the baby, congratulations its a boy!! Not the words I wanted to hear, in all truth I was crushed and even more convinced I couldnt have a girl. But when my third boy came I loved him to bits. So now what? I had 3 boys and the question I kept asking myself was do I try again for a girl, I ached to have a girl. I had to worry about my health too as I was left quite poorly after my last sons birth. But it got the better of me, and when my youngest was 3 I convinced my poor husband to try again for a girl, I said it would be the last time, so I became pregnant again. I couldnt wait for my gender scan and finally it came around, And as I lay on the couch telling myself it didnt matter if it was another boy, she spoke the words, you are having a girl, I was so worked up by this point that when she told me I cried!! Happiest day of my life!! So after 3 boys I got the girl I had longed for, but if she had been a boy, would I have left it at that or tried again? I know I would have tried again!! But what about you other mums, WHEN WOULD YOU DRAW THE LINE AND SAY NO MORE? WHAT LENGTHS HAVE YOU GONE TO, TO TRY AND GET THE GENDER YOU WANT? AND HOW MANY OF YOU HAVE TRIED MORE TIMES THAN YOU HAD PLANNED TO GET EITHER A GIRL OR A BOY?
3 people like this
8 responses
@evoluchun (69)
• United States
3 Feb 08
well i don't have kids so i guess this is kinda hard to answer because my first child ever i had a miscarriage at 5 months and that put me in a pretty mental state and since then we can't seem to get me pregnant so I'm pretty convinced i probably had the one and only chance to have my own child so now as soon as i can get things together in my life I'm gonna adopt. My mom was adopted and i know there are plenty of children that need homes. Guess as far as adopting you never have to worry about the gender cuz u can pick what u want but if it was me i guess it depends on how many kids u would be willing to have to get what u want, the sad part is like for instance my sister has tried several times and yet keeps havin girls and she's on her 3rd already and yet its based on can u see yourself with 8 kids and still no girl i mean it might not be in urs or ur hubbys genes to have nothin but boys, anyways i wish u the best of luck in whatever u choose...
@gemini_rose (16264)
•
3 Feb 08
Thank you for responding, when I was trying for my second child, I too suffered a miscarriage and it affected me so much that I was desperate to have another, it took me nearly a year before I became pregnant again in which time I too was convinced I couldnt have any more. Its lovely that you are going to adopt, even though I have had 4 children I have often talked about adoption with my husband because the amount of children without homes is unbelievable and yes the best part is you can pick the gender!! When I started this discussion it was because I wandered what lengths people had gone too to get a different gender child because there are so many myths surrounding things you can do to ensure its a girl or a boy, i.e eating certain foods etc and I had got so carried away with wanting a girl that I think to a point it had become obsessive with me, I was letting it overtake my life, but when I got my girl I often think if she had been a boy would I have been satisfied or would I have gotten more obsessed with having a girl. The 2 responses I have had to the discussion have not been what I expected and have opened my eyes to the fact that there are people who cannot have children as easily as I have had and I feel very humble and very grateful for my children, I sincerely wish you well and hope your heartache eases soon.
@ersmommy1 (12588)
• United States
2 Feb 08
One of my best friends has 6 girls. Before they decided to stop, I know she would have liked to have had a boy. Might have been nice. Without going into too much detail, my hubby and I had a tragic heartbreak with our 1st try at a child. A condition called anacephally. A neural tube defect that wasn't survivable. And then we had our daughter. So for my part, it wouldn't have mattered boy or girl as long as they were healthy. And she is wonderfully so. I would have kept trying for a healthy child.
@gemini_rose (16264)
•
2 Feb 08
Thank you for responding and I was very sad to hear of the heartache you went through with your first child, but very glad you have a lovely daughter now. 6 girls ah? wow, I definately think one girl is enough for me, she is very different from my boys!
@twoey68 (13627)
• United States
19 May 08
Although I don't have kids, a friend of mine up North swore that she wanted a boy so badly that she'd keep trying until she got it. She had 3 girls and is pg again and thinks this one is a boy. She swears she can tell by the ultrasound but I told her until you actually see a winkie you better not count on it.
Personally I think as long as you can support the kids finacially and can care for them both physically and emotionally then you can have however many children your body can handle. What bothers me is when I see ppl that are sitting on Welfare, with no intentions of getting off, having one kid after another to keep drawing a check... that really ticks me off.
**AT PEACE WITHIN**
~~STAND STRONG IN YOUR BELIEFS~~
@luvingmygirls (493)
• United States
4 Feb 08
First of all congrats on your girl!!! I must say I have 3 girls and was in the opposite position as you were. I had a c/s with my first daughter so my doctor would only do a repeat c/s. So I had c/s again with each of my younger girls. As I got to the end of my pregnancy (my youngest is 4 months) I came to the decision that I just couldn't do it again. So my husband and I discussed it and I decided to get my tubes tied. I gave up at 3 girls. My take is that we are both still young and if we want a little boy down the road there are plenty of children who are born and don't get forever homes so we will adopt. BUT I must say that my decision was based fully on the fact that I couldn't (didn't want to) have another c-section. So if I was having natural I probably would have kept trying as you said you would.
@juliet17ak2002 (121)
• United States
8 Feb 08
My mother in law has six kids. She had a boy and a girl before she met her current husband then ended up having three boys in a row. He wanted a daughter but they decided they didn't want anymore kids. two years later she accidently got pregnant and had a girl. I guess my question to you wouldn't be how much do you want a girl, but what happens if you had another boy? What is the max number of kids you would want?
@Rosabranca (44)
• Portugal
9 Feb 08
As you should know it is not your guilty to become pregnant of boys, the cromossoma X is responsibe for that and it is the male that generate this cromossoma. Every woman has their children drawn on their right hand, although you think not work up to get more children everything is write on your destiny, and gender is seen like this if the moon phase will change next three days previous child´s borning the gender changes
@idowrite72 (2213)
• United States
4 Feb 08
I have to be honest and say that none of my four were planned and I don't really remember whether I wanted boys or girls.........they are all grown now........but I think that people need to draw the line if their finances are not good enough for having more children or if it will in some way affect the health of the mother if she has another child. I know that I didn't think much about having mine and shouldn't have had them, although I wouldn't give any of them back.........only on those days when any kid drives you crazy and you would like to give them away that day. I had my 4 in 5 years and basically raised them myself on a teacher's salary. I had enough education to know not to have them as I did but not enough sense not to have them as I did. We struggled for many years and I got NO help from their father who was NEVER in their lives from the time the youngest was about 18 months old.......she is now 25. He has grandchildren he has never met........except one many years ago and only briefly and because my daughter wanted her to know her grandfather. Having children is a personal choice but should be well thought out and not about making a baby but about the future.....they are around for a long time and they cost more than birth control, which many don't seem to understand. Oh, I had 2 girls, a boy and a girl and I think I wanted the last to be another boy just to even it out but I am glad that she was a girl since my son was a problem child from the time he was ten!!
