I love my daughter BUT....

As the mother of 3 teenagers I definetly get what your saying! When mine get really bad I call my mother. My mom raised 7 of her own kids and took on a few of her grandkids in their teen years so she has plenty of experience. The one thing that she tells me that helps the most is this: Someday that teenager will be a parent themselves and then you'll get a call saying "I'm sorry mom, now I understand" I know, I know..doesn't do much good now, but thats what I try to think about when I feel like booting them out the door LOL

I am a mother of 7, none of them teens yet, but I still remember what it was like to be 17. When I hated school it was because the kids were mean. They teased me BAD, about everything it seemed, because I was an "easy target". I also hated to study because I just wasn't good at some of the stuff & it made me feel stupid. There is a ton of peer pressure, new hormones, and trying to figure out just who you are that she's going through right now. Try to talk to her, maybe take her out for a dinner to her favorite restaurant & have a serious talk with her. Tell her that there's no pressure. Ask her if she is understanding all of her homework, or if it's difficult. If it's a subject you can't really help her with ask her if she wants a tutor, or suggest that you both try to find solutions to the educational issue. Ask her about boys. Is there one she likes? Does she have a boyfriend? Is she being pressured to do things she feels are "expected" in a relationship? (I know this one might cause resistance on both parts so maybe save it until the end). Talk to her about how the other students are with her. Is she feeling unaccepted, unpopular, teased... ect. Is she already popular & the pressure of that getting to her? Remind her that you were that age too once, and that it's hard. Remind her that everyone makes mistakes, and if she wants to talk to you about anything you're there for her. Maybe get her involved in an activity that she likes. For me it was dance. Basically, try to love her through it all & know that it won't last forever. She'll figure it out in time & as long as you let her know that you are there & you care, there really isn't much more you can do.

Though a mother of an 8yr old now, I would like to answer this from a daughter’s point of view. You see I was the only child of my parents and my mom’s attitude towards me in my growing years vacillated between pure indulgence and extra-strict discipline. Somewhere in your daughter’s attitude I seem to find me in my adolescence. I think you should try to understand her a bit better. Being the younger child, you may have unknowingly spoilt her in her growing years and now she has become used to all the attention. Or (again being the younger child) you may have guarded her too much and now she suddenly wants her independence. Pls pls do not try to impose anything on her at this stage or expect her to listen to your every ‘command’. My mom did the same with me, with disastrous results in my early youth. Talk to her, understand that she is developing into an individual with her own timings, whims, fancies, likes & dislikes. Befriend her (not as a mother, but as a friend) and remember that what worked for your older child may not work for her. She may become the ultimate rebel and suddenly leave the house and then the loss is yours. Never tell her what to do and what not to do…instead try to see things from her point of view, allow her to make mistakes and learn from them and be there for her in her hour of need instead of being the judgemtal

Been there done that, got that t-shirt,lol. You will survive the second one too, I did. And after it was all done and said, I'm not sure who was the worst, I think it was my youngest, but she was 15 when her dad and I divorced, so that didn't help matters, even though we both were involved in her life. However, I kept telling myself 'you do the very best you can, and they will grow out of this stage and eventually you won't feel like strangling them on a daily basis' lol.

I have also similar problem. In your case, I think it will be wise to gie her freedom in her work for a few days and make her understand that she is doing wrong. If she understand this then only she will obey you.

I dont have a 17 year old daughter, but I do have a 16 year old son and I know exactly what you are saying!! Its horrible, where do our sweet little children go? Mine has been Mr bad attitude since he was about 13 and it feels like its never ending! I keep telling myself that he will get out of it and then he will be a lovely young man but when?!! The worst part is, is I have got to go through it another 3 times as I have another 2 boys and a girl, and after reading your post Im really scared now!!

Between 15 and 19 I hated the world too. My mother and I didn't get along in the same room for 5 minutes. "Her" world does revole around her. Not your world her world, and remember your not part of her world right now you are just an annoying person telling her what she can and cant do. As for being disrepectful she a teenager and thats what teenagers do even if they aren't trying. At 17 she doesn't want to get out of bed to go to school. Thats part of being in high school, not wanting to go. As for her hating school. That could be so many things: she doesn't have a lot of friends, she isn't doing good, its too easy and she board. You will get through this again. Sorry to say it but it will be harder this time, but remember she WILL outgrow this! Good luck and if worse comes to worse - throw her in the closet! - Just kidding!

Yeah unfortunately teenagers seem to think they know everything and they're all that. But maybe there's a deeper reason. Maybe she had a bad experience at school. Or you just caught her at a bad time. Anyone can be quite moody sometimes.

Deep breathes, my friend, deeeeep breathes. Just keep reminding yourself that she needs the love and understanding that only a mom can give now more than ever. Find humor in as much as you can. And keep breateing. ;)

Hang in there mom! you will survive this. I am on daughter #4 and it is all the same and it can be so aggravating....so much attitude! I just stay firm and don't let it show that her rudeness and attitude do really get to me. When she gets too rude, I just calmly tell her that I don't deserve that and walk away. Sometimes she appologizes and sometimes not. It is tough but as you said, it will pass and soon enough she will be back to being your sweet little girl.

Don't worry about it you will survive it lol I think that every parent goes through this from about the age of sixteen or so until the age of ninteen or something like that...and then from there on they should start getting better...I think that the second one is always easier than the first one because you know more of whats going to happen with the second one..where the first one is all new to you and you dont know whats going to happen or whats going to go down or how their going to act...hope that i helped some!!

I teach English as a second language in a small school district, so I have students from K-12th grade. Lately, I have been discovering that the K-6th graders are a dream compared to the 7th through 12th graders. I don't know if it's the time of year, or what, but it seems as if the adolescents have all suddenly had an obnoxious switch flipped on lately, so I can definitely relate to your situation. I also have a 4-year-old daughter, and I dread the days when she goes through this. The only comfort I have is the knowledge that all kids go through it, and it does pass. They say that we have to experience a period of fighting authority in order to be able to develop authority for ourselves as adults. People who never fight authority--the kids who just politely do whatever they're told all through their teens--tend to become the doormats of the world, while the rebels often become the leaders. Perhaps that might give you some comfort. If not, there's always Mark Twain's great quote: "When I was a boy of 14, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be 21, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years."

When I was 17, I was the same way. There is no explanation as to why I felt and acted the way I did, you almost feel angry for no reason all the time! Maybe try to think back onto what didn't work with your older daughter? You are lucky to have the previous experience in a way, but I'm sure you never expect the time to come. Maybe try giving her more space, not asking too many questions. I know it's hard to not want to know what is going on with her life, but back then I recall never wanting to answer questions about my day, about school or anything else. Good luck, she will come around soon enough :)

just be pateint...n advise calmly and openly and find out if something is required from her...Understandin is the issue here... Arvind

like daughter like mother is all i can say. there's nothing to blame other the parents of the children i think. if you don't like the attitude of your children then it would be appropriate to take actions now and teach or tell them what u feel about their stupid or disrespectful attitude. i know i know disrespectful children. i always hate being disrespectful to people. i think your daughter will understand ur position when u explain to her in a civilize manner. there's no reason to be sour in life. we all can be happy by doing the good thing.

I went through a similar phase as a teen. I was absolutely awful to my mom.I even went a week without talking. I'd do what i was asked, but not talk. And now my mother and I are very close. i am on the phone to her 3-4 times a day. I miss her. We live 1300 miles apart. Thank goodness for unlimited long distance on phones. Can you say terms of endearment?lol hang on it will change!

I can understand were you are comming from. I have a 14 year old teen girl. And yes they think they know everything just like you said. I have a short temper sometimes and when my girl acts up i sometimes snap back at here. I will not allow here to disrespect me, there are many things i will let go and ignore, just becouse I know that she is just a child and she just does not know and i also pray a lot for patience.

It's just like ebsharer said, she is the center of her world. With that having been said, maybe some of the problem is -your- attitude. You're walking into this thinking 'she just thinks that she knows everything and is full of hate.' It sounds like you're starting out being judgmental and domineering, two things that the teenage psyche can't seem to tolerate. (Saying this from the teenaged perspective.) I know this might not be the case, but if you're obviously annoyed with her when she responds in a way that she feels is natural, she's only going to lash out at you further. She still is the sweet little girl, she just doesn't have the opportunity to show it because she's going through some tough times. It's hard to keep your head on straight and worry about others when you have your entire future on your plate to think about. When every day the classes you take and the grades you get could decide your entire future. School is tougher than it used to be, it means a lot more. Now places where a high school education could get you through now require college degrees. Not to mention all the added stress your little lady has when it comes to other teenagers. Kids are rough. Even the ones that she thinks are her friends have a tendency to whirl around and instead stab her in the back. That having been said, is it any wonder that she hates the world? The world doesn't seem like it's too fond of her. Just listen when she's venting, let her know that she can come to you. I know it's tough to listen to, especially on a constant basis, but at least she's talking to you. She's not being one of those kids that completely shuts off their family and doesn't talk about love or hate, or even the mundane.

Thats a teenager for ya lol