Tales of MIL hehehehe
By arkaf61
@arkaf61 (10881)
Canada
February 6, 2008 10:15pm CST
Ok I've been having a field day with my mother in law today.
I've presented her mean side but as I said in a response to my other discussion I often thing that maybe something is not completely OK with her. Sometimes she is more than strange.
Back when she was still working she used to have a few houses that she used to clean. She used to go every week to the same people and maybe she felt that those houses were her home as well or something.
BEcause she didn't speak english the ladies she worked for always had my phone number in case they needed to leave any special message to her.
I calls every once in a while for various reasons but the following one takes the cake :)
The woman calls me at 9:30 at night, she is obviously very upset. SHe can hardly put her thoughts in words and what she is telling me makes so little sense that it took me a minute or two to get the idea.
But first let me tell you a bit about my mother in law. She is a person that is always re arranging her home. Even now that she is almost 65 years old she changes the way things are in each room at least once or twice a month. She paints and repaints walls because she gets tired of them looking the same very easily. The floor in the kitchen was changed 6 times in the last 10 years. SHe moves the TV and the sofas at least once a week.She gets really tired when things are the same way for a long time - which for her can be from a week to a year.
SO I should have understood what the woman was telling me over the phone earlier.
You guessed it:) The woman is calling me really upset because she got home after work and her living room had been completely changed. Nothing was where it was when she left for work in the morning LOL The sofas moved to another wall, the TV stand moved to where the sofa's had been, the carpet from the living room was now in the family room...... That woman was in shock and very, very angry. I couldn't blame her LOL
WHile I called my mother in law to explain the situation and get her to apologize to the lady and compromise by going the next day to put everything back she's really surprised that there was a compaint. She had - in her opinion - improved the look of the lady's living room. She did what needed to be done, how could she be wrong? That living room didn't look good as it was. It didn't cross her mind that it wasn't her house to start rearranging the furniture, she really thought she was doing well.
Now things were worked out, she went the next day to change everything back and stayed working for the lady for a few more years, but the main point is not how funny the situation is but more : Who would do such a thing? I really wonder sometimes.. maybe she does have a problem that is more than just being mean, or at least apart from the fact that she is mean.
I know that she is always at the doctors and they never find anything wrong with her, but still... how many conditions are never discovered?
OR... maybe she's just what she appears to be : Nuts! :)
4 people like this
6 responses
@CanadaGal (4304)
• Canada
11 Feb 08
LMAO!!! I can't imagine any certifiably "sane" person doing something like that to someone else's home. So my vote is with yours on the being "nuts". ;)
Obviously there are some things wrong with the way she processes information, especially in the area of how her actions could affect others, and personal boundaries. Whether or not it's a chemical or physical issue is hard to say, but the results are the same. It sure would be nice if she could be diagnosed with being more than just "odd" or "eccentric".
@gabs8513 (48686)
• United Kingdom
10 Feb 08
Lol Twin now that is funny I have to say
I mean I am guilty of moving my Furniture all the time to mainly in the Living room
I do not go to the extend of Floors Carpets and Painting though lol
But I do change the Living room and my Bedroom round
So if she would have done this for me I would have been happy about it lol but I have to say that this poor Lady probably thought at first that she was in the wrong house lol
I certainly would not change someone elses Furniture round lol
@GardenGerty (160998)
• United States
7 Feb 08
Maybe she got dropped on her head when she was little, and is damaged in some way. The adult mentally handicapped I work with are some very well functioning in some way, but certain things never enter their mind. They get "stuck". Maybe MIL is stuck as well. You were very paitent to help her that way.
1 person likes this
@arkaf61 (10881)
• Canada
12 Feb 08
SHe probably did LOL Dropped on her head could explain a lot of things heheheheh
No, really she does seem "stuck" often, and disregarding everything she did to me, I often think that there might be something not completely right in there. Emotionally more than anything else. It's not really a life what she had. It's strange and feels quite empty to be honest. No wonder she's still so connected to her son and not wanting to let go.
@misheleen73 (6037)
• United States
7 Feb 08
I have come to believe that some people just cannot see how they truly are. I have family members that you could actually record on video and they still wouldn't see the problem. It sounds like your mother in law is who she is and everyone else in the world is.. well.. just wrong..lol.
1 person likes this
@arkaf61 (10881)
• Canada
12 Feb 08
Are implying that it's not the other ones that are wrong, but her??? OH! My!!!! Are you sure that is possible ??? LOL
That's exactly it with her, she's not ever wrong, not even when she goes around moving furniture hehehe
But I could live with that. It's easy to disregard. THe rest is more complicated:)
Glad to see you and sorry for taking long to answer.
@Perspectives (7131)
• Canada
12 Feb 08
Hmmmm...this is an interesting case study alright. In the work David and I do as life coaches and group leaders we encourage clients to consider what their outer world is telling them about their inner landscape. For example...a house or office full of clutter and disorder says a lot about the inner workings on those who inhabit that space. Clutter and disorder takes a lot of time and energy to manage. We suggest that time management begins with self-management and when clients are given new tools to do that the outer disorder begins to change as well.
OK...so how does all this relate to your MIL? Well, from other discussions and comments you have posted here I get the sense that your mother in law has a lot of inner conflict and insecurities that are being outworked in the way she lives. No big newsflash there...there is how it is for all of us whether we recognize it or not. So the fact that she feels the need to re-arrange...re-do, change, fix...attempt to re-order, re-align reveals the level of discontent she feels within herself. We do what we know and we find ways to mirror things to ourselves by what we do, how we dress and relate to others.
To me the inner discontent, lack of solid self-worth is manifesting itself with her narcissistic self-absorbed behavior. The fact that she cannot connect the dots and assess the ripple effect of her words, actions and behaviors is a clear indication of what she cannot face and work through within herself.
In our work there is one thing we know for sure and that is all change begins with awareness. From everything you share here your mother in law has a lot of unresolved emotional baggage from somewhere in her past and probably feels ill-equipped to deal with it because no one has shown her how.
Not sure what the solution is for you, your hubs and your children. No one can force another to change...that is something they have to choose. However, there is another life coaching rule we suggest to clients is that...we train people how to treat us. Perhaps you and your hubby need to change the dynamic and set some new boundaries and see what your MIL CHOOSES to do if you pull back and refuse to dance with her in the way you have been.
Just a thought...
Raia
@AICIRT81 (847)
• United States
7 Feb 08
That is funny. That's the complete opposite of how my grandfather was went he got old (and a touch senile). He never let anyone change anything. He got upset when mom changed his sheets on his bed (heaven forbid we do laundry) or moved the can opener on the counter so she could clean under it. He had the tv on 24-7-365 on the weather channel and got furrious if you changed that channel. He lost his drivers license for good and had a broken down crashed car in driveway that had stay animal living in it that he would not let my mom get rid of. It certainly was interesting. So count you blessings!
@arkaf61 (10881)
• Canada
12 Feb 08
I guess everyone has their idiosyncrasies. SOme might want to change everything, some want everything the same, some only want changes every once in a while LOL
What I find so funny in this is that regardless of her preferences in her own homw, I never thought she would feel that she had the right to change someone else's furniture hehehe