How difficult would it be for you to turn in a family member?

This would not be hard for me at all to do. Yes, 20 years is a long time not to talk but one day she will realize what you did for her. She is very lucky to have someone that cares as much as you do. A lot of family sometimes turned their back on problems such as this. By doing what you did you may have saved her and the kids lives. Sometimes we have to hurt the ones we love to makes things right in their life.

I think you did the right thing. Don't ever blame yourself because it was that man's fault and not yours or anyone else's fault. Of course you can never know until you do it, but if you had reported her family to CPS it is possible that she could have felt so embarrassed and ashamed that she would never forgive you for it. Of course we know that you would have been doing it for her own good, but I guess things can really get complicated sometimes. I personally don't understand the dudes that beat their wives or kids. I'm only 20, but I made a promise to myself that I would never abuse a girlfriend or if I get married never abuse my wife and children. Spouses should treat each other with respect, not abuse. Take care.

hello Kbourgerie, This is indeed a tough one. I had a similar experience with my sister only she was the one that was mentally ill with three beautiful daughters. What I did with her was tell her I would take her to court turn her in to CPS or she had to let the girls go live with their father. Well 2 of them ended up in my home, and one with their dad. She eventually got the help she needed but it was traumatic for everyone. Would I have actually gone through it? Thats a hard call, I am not sure, but at the time I think I could have. Those poor darlings were being dragged from homeless shelter to friends homes, and never stayed in school for long anywhere. You just never know the answer to a question like this unless you are faced with it.

I would turn them in in a second if I knew for sure they were either hurting even one child or standing by and allowing someone else to hurt a child. It would be an automatic reflex and not something I would have pondered over.

It would be very difficult to turn in a family member but in the situation you described, i think you did the right thing. I had a very good friend that turned me in for a similar situation. I was pretty angry when she did it but it really got me thinking realisticly about my situation. I did the right thing of course and chose my children. They did not deserve to see me abuse nor to look at their dad that way. they did not deserve the home atmosphere we were in. Even tho I loved them and took good care of them, I do know that I would have been much more effective if I were not so stressed out from the abuse that was taking place. It has been over20 years? I say that it is long overdue for you to sit and have a heart to heart with your sister. you've lost too much time already.

This is a sensitive topic for many, myself included. I am a survivor of domestic violence. At the time, I had 2 small children. Granted, my husband never laid a hand on my children, but he did hit me in front of them once. That being said. At that point in my life, if anyone had interfered, I would not have seen it as helping me. If anything, I would have been furious and hateful, and just plain pissed. I didn't have to deal with this, because, I was living across the ocean at the time, and had no family nearby. Hindsight is 20/20, it is very possible that if you approach your sister about all of this now, she will talk to you and it may bring both of you some healing and closure over the matter. These things are not easy to deal with, I know, but I think you are still carrying a burden here and you need to let it go. Believe me, if you had turned your sister and her then husband into CPS, odds are, it would have gotten way uglier than it did. Hang in there, and let me know if you need to vent... Michelle

Your sister should be so lucky to have one like you who is concerned not only for herself, but definately for her little ones. Your situation is no different than mine, 13 years ago...but I was in your sister's shoes. My first husband was physically abusive towards me and neglected to take care of our 6 month old daughter. CPS should have been called on him but I didn't want to embarass the family nor did I want my daughter taken away from me. What was I to do? He wasn't working and things were getting very rough. Then, a miracle happened. When I was pregnant with our second child, he left me. I wish I can say it was "Happily ever after", but it's not. I'm on my third marriage and that's starting to break up. The fact your sister was with this "man" for so long proves she's either very dedicated, or very stupid. I'll choose the "dedicated" for dainty's sake. If you're close in distance with her, try taking her out to lunch somewhere. Food always opens people up and you can tell how they are coping with the situation by how much and what they're eating. If she's worried, she may not eat much or she'll want sweets. Then, hopefully there's going to be a family near by that's in a happy mood...anything to draw something out from her. You know her best. But, if that doesn't work or you can't take her out to show her how a real loving man should be like or how children from a happy family are like, then pray about it. My current husband is very self centered. He thinks that just because he works, he shouldn't have to do any house work. I thought that was ok until I heard that my brother in law would work a full day, come home and ask my sister if there's anything she needs from the store. If not, he'll clean up a tad then either help with making dinner or play with the kids. To me, that was my eye opener. CPS...to call or not to call, that's definately a question. Good luck. I know I didn't answer your question, but hopefully it will steer you in a proper direction.