When people talk about you...
By dolce_vita78
@dolce_vita78 (8062)
Philippines
February 9, 2008 7:57pm CST
I have been teaching in one of the universities here in our city for almost 8 school years now. I used to be at ease with the people I work with. But that was until changes, a lot of changes, took place. Most of my co-teachers were either transferred to other departments while the others, especially the more senior ones, were retired and the others' contracts were no longer renewed. Things were no longer the same since then. Though I am still very much happy about my job and what I do, I am no longer comfortable with the people in the faculty room. For one, people made rumor mongering a part of their daily life in the faculty room. I am not that kind of person who enjoys listening to such. I do not want to be part of these things especially when time comes and things blow out of proportion.
I have been a victim of their bad habit. Not just once, several times that is...There's this one teacher, a former teacher of mine, who is still teaching. I was surprised to find out that she has been making up stories about me and has been telling these stories not only to my co-teachers but also to some students. One of the things that really pissed me off was when she started spreading rumors that the young girl I am always with is my love child. Of course, people who knew me know who the child she is talking about. But what about those who do not know me that well? To start with, the young girl she is talking about is my sister. Yes! My sister. I was the only child until I turned 16. My mom and dad decided to adopt one of my first cousins when the baby was just born. That explains the age gap. Well, I can't explain that to everyone especially my students so I decided to talk to her and tell her how I feel. Just like what I have expected, she started pointing fingers to other people saying that the issue did not start from her. All evidences lead to her so I don't have any reason to believe it was not her. Well, I am not her only victim. My other co-teachers have been her prey as well. I just don't mind her now but of course, I still hate her for what she has done.
What would you do when you hear people talk about you?
4 people like this
6 responses
@gandatwo (602)
• Australia
10 Feb 08
dolce vita very unpleasant for you and I understand where you are coming from.I feel you must always speak your truth at the time of any conflict,then try to move away from the emotions stemming from such,as soon as you see fit.Give yourself time,try not to beat up on yourself for feeling the way that you do,you are completely justified given the circumstances.
Last week My Husband and I went to the movies to view Atonement,have you seen it?
It demonstrates how much damage can be done to innocent people through other peoples misinterpretations.
I do wish you well in your efforts to over come the turmoil caused by this indiscretion.
Keep your chin up girl,your tougher then you think.
"Cheers"
@dolce_vita78 (8062)
• Philippines
10 Feb 08
I wish I could see the film my friend... Well, I think I am coping well with it... Thanks to people like you... =)
@gandatwo (602)
• Australia
10 Feb 08
dolc vita you are a real sweetie.Perhaps when the Movie is available on DVD you may then have the opportunity to view.
I do hope so,I just know you will be able to relate,and perhaps also gain some comfort and understanding.
All to often I have found the "Button Pushers" who enter my life are usually there to teach me.I once read it can help to say the following affirmation after any conflict.
"Thank you for being my teacher"..Must admit when first puting this into practice I did so with my teeth clenched..lol..As time went by though,the more I affirmed the easier it became.Another Woman shared a similar exercise.She finds it comforting to say "You deserve an Acadmey Award" There is a wonderful Quotation which I would like to share with you,a favourite of mine.
"A successful Man is one who makes a strong foundation from the stones that have been thrown at him" Also I feel the experineces and challenges we have had can be included in this.(Could end up with some HUGE boulders for the wall.)..lol
Seems like you are Truly Blessed dolce vita,you have another stone.Build your foundation and stand TALL in the knowing of yourself.It dose not matter in the least what anyone else thinks of you,what is important though is YOU know who and what you are about.
Do Cheer up soon,and have a simply Fabulous day.
"Cheers"
@dragon54u (31634)
• United States
10 Feb 08
There are a couple of things that you can do and all of them are difficult. One, you can confront the people starting the rumors and ask them to stop. Two, you can go to your department head and tell him there's a serious morale problem and then suffer the consequences of the fallout--cos everyone will know it's you, as you're the only one not participating in the rumormongering!
Three, you can ignore it and laugh it off. At least when they're talking about you, they're leaving someone else alone. This has happened to me before and when I heard a rumor about myself I would go to the person and express my concern that someone was spreading something and did they know anything about it because it wasn't true. The person would nearly always be embarrassed and deny they'd heard it but the rumor would stop almost immediately. Other times I'd confront the person and explain that it hurt me and ask them to stop. One such person became a friend--not a close one, but an ally.
I'm sorry you're in this situation and that there are people whose lives are so uninteresting that they have to get involved in others' lives. Keep your head up, whatever you decide to do about this. And remember, you can choose to do nothing at all and slog through it as best you can--it depends on what will have the least negative consequences for you.
1 person likes this
@dolce_vita78 (8062)
• Philippines
11 Feb 08
Immediately after I learned about what was going on, I have actually done the first two that you have suggested my friend. When I did the first one, the main person involved denied and 2 other teachers who are my close friends said that they didn't believe her anyway. As for the second one, I actually talked to our dean about it and well, she just said, "Don't mind her." Of course, I don't know if she did something about it considering that the dean and the mongerer are friends. I am still in the process of doing the third one. lol! Thanks my friend!
@roniroxas (10560)
• Philippines
10 Feb 08
wow.... there goes the good respect out of the window. reading your discussion makes me feel sorry for the teacher. i cant believe that after all the respect and looking up to her because she used to be your teacher was wasted just because she loves to spread rumors. and the truth is it is just a stupid makeup story of hers.
i am a victim too... of such rumors like that. i am a singer and of course when you are in the entertainment business rumors are more painful. i have four children and we left their dad who is an abusive man so who dont know me is accusing or apreading rumors that my four children has different dads. OUCH! well i dont owe them an explanation for i know myself that well. lucky me for having good friends who are the one who are ready to pick fights just to slap them the truth that i am married to the man i once called husband.
but we both have different jobs so the painful part in yours is the teacher is ruining your credibility. kidsa t school look up to their teachers, they idolized teachers thats why most of the students love to be teachers when they grow up. i think you need to take actions to this. talk to the other teachers who are like you became a victim and you can do something atleast to let her stop. remind her that she is a teacher not Cristy Fermin. lol.
@dolce_vita78 (8062)
• Philippines
10 Feb 08
I am sorry to hear about your story my friend.. I teach in college and most of my students are really close to me considering that we do not really have that much generation gap, so to speak. Well, some of them told me about what they have heard and it is very comforting that they have assured me that they don't believe any word about the "news". Thanks my friend..
@maddysmommy (16230)
• United States
11 Feb 08
I think confronting them about it is the way to go. What you did was a good way to go about it and hopefully it will stop her from spreading more rumors.
It takes a little longer with me as I have to find out all the facts before I approach someone. If its just a little silly rumor then I just let it go but if its major like I think your one is, then I would have done what you did and approached her and told her how I felt with her spreading that rumor.
It's funny how others that don't really know you can say mean things about you. I just think they are jealous when they start to spread rumors.
1 person likes this
@barehugs (8973)
• Canada
10 Feb 08
We have to learn to Love ourselves first, before we can love another. Its like the commercial on the airplane as you taxi to the runway. "Always put your own airway on first, before you put on your childs!" When you are strong in the Love of Yourself, nothing anyone can say, will affect your self esteem. Love is all there Is, and no one ever does anything that he/she deems is wrong. Each person has good reasons for doing (and saying) what they do. When you are strong in Love for yourself its much easier to extend that love to include everyone without regard to who they are or what they do.
Try it, I'm sure it will work well for you too!
@vonn1378 (706)
• Philippines
10 Feb 08
That's a hell of a story the fact that she is your co-teacher. Well sad to hear that but people with small minds discuss people they said. I been into that its hurting and can break your image to other people but I don't mind them at all as long as I know that I'm in the right track. Hurting it is but sometimes we just need to accept the fact that we cannot please all the people aroung us. But what you did was right confronting her to stop the rumor at once. Just cross your finger she stops.
@dolce_vita78 (8062)
• Philippines
10 Feb 08
Well, I do not really know whether that person will ever stop making up stories about people around her. As for the story she started about me? I don't know if she already stopped. But I hope she does because if thing blow out of proportion, I might just end up filing a case against her. With all those people who have fallen victim to her bad attitude? I guess we will have a very strong case against her. But I hope it wouldn't really get that far. It's her call anyway.... thanks my friend!
